March 22, 2003

Faux Pas de Deux

Le president de France, Jacques Chirac, has appeared sur "les 60 Minutes" to expliquer au peuple de l'Amerique que France remains our cher ami et allie. Nous believe him. Encore, nous would like to expliquer l'Amerique in une langue that le Frenchman can comprendre.

Nous acceptons that le French detestent la guerre. Nous des Americains detestons la guerre aussi. Mais nous also detestons Saddam Hussein. Comme John Wayne put it in "Le Jour Plus Long" -- l'excellent film au sujet de la liberation de la Normandie -- "You can't give the enemy a break. Send him to hell." Maybe quelque chose gets lost in la traduction, but certainement vous get le point.

After all, tout le monde can voir that les ideaux that ont inspire la revolution francaise -- liberte, egalite, oil contracts -- are vivants et well. Mais, juste because nous believe that Saddam est une menace a la paix while le gouvernement francais believes that Saddam est un bon associe commercial, il ne signifie pas that we Americains n'apprecient pas les contributions francaises a our own culture. Par exemple, ou would l'Amerique be sans le "French fry"? And so, as nous regardons beaucoup McDonald's sur la terre francaise, we can say, "Lafayette, les Golden Arches sont ici."

Ce n'est pas tout, either. Like vous, nous share votre l'embarras at les actions anti-francaises ici on the home front. Dans notre Capitol, le Congres Republicain a change le nom "pain grille francais" to "freedom toast." Dans Maison Blanche, notre president apparemment prefere Tex-Mex au cuisine de haute. Et nos collegues over at le New York Post have taken to pasting visages des weasels on top des photos des diplomates francais chez les Nations Unies.

Mais toujours rememberez-vous: Nous Americains ne sommes pas comme cultives as les Francais. Oui, nous did sauve your bacon dans WWII, et we seem prepare -- avec l'aide des Anglais et Tony Blair -- to do so encore. But comme un peuple we Americains still preferons le cheeseburger au Boeuf bourguignon, le Coors aux Chablis, et le Hummer au Renault. Et we will never, never comprendrons pourquoi vous awarded la legion d'honneur a Jerry Lewis.

Enfin, Monsieur Le President Chirac, nous will not allow une petite thing like une guerre to come entre our deux grandes nations. Vive la difference, oui. Mais it is bien for Paris to learn le same message that Saddam is learning maintenant a Baghdad: "Ne messez pas avec le Texas."

Tony & Tacky

Religion 101: Not everyone is turning back to religion as we go to war. The New York Sun reports that Timothy Shortell -- a sociology professor leading Brooklyn College's overhaul of its core curriculum -- is also the author of an online article referring to religious believers as "moral retards." In a contribution to the online magazine Fifteen Credibility Street, Prof. Shortell argues that, while on the personal level religion is just a matter of bad taste, it does much harm publicly because it is impossible to have religion without fanaticism. "Weakness," he writes, "is demanded of us by religion and consumer capitalism." Oh.

The Eyes of Texas: As America moved closer to war with Iraq, reports the Dallas Morning News, a Muslim cleric made history by giving the opening prayer at the Texas House of Representatives. The cleric, Imam Moujahed Bakhach of Forth Worth, wore an American flag pin on his lapel to show that American Muslims are behind their leadership. "This is our country. This is our home. We have to pray for the security of our community -- before Iraq," the paper quoted him telling other Texas Muslims at a later rally. "Yes, I disagree with Mr. Bush. But I am a patriot."

Tet Offensive: Journalistic lore has it that America lost Vietnam when it lost Walter Cronkite. During a speech at Drew University the same night that President Bush was delivering his ultimatum to Saddam Hussein, the retired CBS news anchor excoriated the Bush administration's "arrogance" over the war while likening the president to a chimp. According to Anne Weisgerber, covering the speech for New Jersey's Madison Eagle, Mr. Cronkite opened his talk with a video montage of his career that included a clip of Mr. Cronkite with chimpanzees. Mr. Cronkite then proceeded to launch his talk by telling his audience how "when I said 'it seems they love us,' the little chimp that was in my lap kind of cocked his head back and his brow furrowed -- a little bit like President Bush's -- and he went whack and hit me over the head and everybody laughed."

URL for this article:
http://online.wsj.com/article/0,,SB104822216165416100,00.html

Updated March 21, 2003

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Posted by pecksnif at March 22, 2003 10:59 AM | TrackBack
Comments

You are obligated by the law of the Blogosphere to post a splatter alert when you write stuff like that. Brilliant!

Posted by: Denny Wilson on March 22, 2003 10:28 PM

Very nice blog

Posted by: Dave on October 23, 2003 08:03 AM
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