November 21, 2003
Lunchtime Fun
| I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid
problem?' When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and Asked him to forgive me. I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't Get on with my real ladder. A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From There on it was sticks and stones all the way. My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably Why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat? I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. |
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