If you're trying to change minds and influence people it's probably not a good idea to say that virtually all elected Democrats are liars ... but, what the hell.
At Kennedy Airport, a teacher was arrested trying to board
a flight with a compass, protractor and graphical calculator. Authorities
believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He was charged
with carrying weapons of math instruction!
In light of Clinton's renewed effort to have the
22nd Amendment stricken, AnnoyedOne points us to this
telltale clue, from out of the past, about his mindset. If we'd only paid attention.
This egg appeared in our garden yesterday and we
have no idea what laid it. If there are any opthamologists
(or ornithologists - I get them confused) out there, we'd appreciate an
identification. Hint: there are no chickens in our Maryland hood.
The BBC is about to take the reality game show format to a new low - by
asking the public to vote on whether individual asylum seekers should be
thrown out of the country, reports
the Guardian. Maybe we're getting close to that Perotian
model of democracy where anyone with a telephone can help decide public
policy. Here's some suggested formats:
Throw ____________ out of the US
Choose between a flat 15% income tax, or ___________
_________ Bill & Hillary Clinton in public
Let the nation go bankrupt, or jettison _________?
Sen. Dianne Feinstein is urging
Californians not to recall Gov. Gray Davis. When pressed, she
gave her top 10 reasons to keep him in office.
10 Already bought costume for his 2003 Halloween party
9 Husband needs his influence to land Laker's mascot
job.
8 Sees danger that someone else will then be called biggest
fool in Cali.
7 Will miss using his VIP parking spot at Bob's Big Boy
6 Buys my used panties
5 Will miss his seances
4 Tells me I have nice legs
3 Will miss the Thursday night "Go Fish" games
2 Always buys full book of raffle tickets from Richard
And the number one reason not to recall Gray Davis
1 He thinks COSCO
is Richard's warehouse shopping club.
Barbra Streisand, known for espousing
pro-environmental views and criticizing those who don't, has sued the California
Coastal Records Project, a landmark photographic database of over 12,000
frames of the California coast shot since 2002, asserting that the inclusion
of a single frame that includes her blufftop Malibu estate invades her
privacy, violates the "anti-paparazzi" statute, seeks to profit from her
name, and threatens her security. Other defendants in the case are the
Project's Internet Service Provider, Layer42.NET, and Pictopia.COM, who
provides finished prints of the photographs. Here's
the site. Here's Bab's (somewhat altered) place.
I finally got around to hooking up the Linksys
router so Sister Superior's computer can use DSL. Guess what?
I managed to install it! It took some time though, because the little
icon that blinks in the system tray, to show you're connected, was not installed,
so I thought I was not connected when I was. So, that was good.
Guess what? It slowed my speed down to near dial-up performance
levels. Is there a "glitch?" Obviously there is, but I am in
no mood to spend 20 freaking hours fooling with it, so I uninstalled the
router and now Mother Superior is "disappointed" (pissed).
Sheesh.
Last night I thought I'd give Netscape 7.2
a try, so I downloaded it (32 MB in about 4 minutes!). I'm not looking
to change browsers necessarily, although I did always use Netscape until
they couldn't handle 32 bit security when I needed it. No, I wanted
to replace my trusty Netscape 4.3 Mail and Composer (HTML generator)
because MS counterparts Outlook Express, and MS Word,
EAT major SHIT and I will not use them. I've been using Netscape's
Composer for my word processor. Anyway, things were looking real
good, for awhile. The new Composer handles CSS, so that's
nice. Plus, they reinstalled the ability to insert raw HTML code
that they inexplicably removed with version 4.3. Guess what?
There doesn't seem to be a way to change fonts in your document.
I'm not kidding. I even read the documentation because I was certain
that nobody could forget something so elementary. Nada nope.
If anyone knows the secret, I'd appreciate being tipped off. But
even if it's there, it's so obtuse that ... well, it is owned by AOL now,
isn't it? Sheesh.
I'm not even going to start with the Viagra
deal.
Update
on Netscape 7
I said that nobody would be so stupid as to release
a HTML editor without the ability to choose fonts. I was wrong; AOL
did just that with Netscape 7. Un-freaking-real.
As a teenager, U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell learned to speak
Yiddish while working in a Jewish-owned baby equipment store in New York.
[Answer]
This is too rich, even by Democrat's standard of hypocrisy. Republican
Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine, whose refusal to vote for the recent tax
cut almost sank it, is complaining.
In a tax-cut compromise made necessary because Republicans
didn't have enough muscle (Ms. Snowe), negotiators in a House-Senate conference
committee pared the child tax credit only to families that earned enough
to pay taxes. In Maine, that means the parents of an estimated 40,000
children won't benefit from the credit.
Snowe joined congressional Democrats who criticized
Republican congressional leaders Thursday for refusing to make low-wage
earners eligible for the increased child tax credit. [I
did not make this up]
The European Union, which appears to be assuming
the role of societal rabbi, is making pronouncements on every
single aspect of human life. They just ruled that ham and cheese
sliced outside the region where it is grown just won't taste the same.
"The EU's highest court has ruled in the case of northern Italy's
famous salty Parma ham.
"It said Parma ham and the region's gourmet Grana Padano cheese could
only be sliced or grated for pre-packaging in the regions where they were
made." [Dispatch]
I have to say this, or I won't sleep tonight (even though
history shows that Europeans living in Europe are about the dumbest people
on Earth), DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR GUNS. YOU WILL NEED THEM VERY SOON.
Yikes, it's after noon. Before I pour my first Manhattan I need to
get this out of the way, for reasons that will not be apparent.
Several - way several - years ago, after
a fun evening of drinking my ass off with the boys, I evidently uttered
some inanity in the course of some attempted "pillow talk."
My bride (who does not drink) responded, "That's just the booze talking."
No, I swore, hurt by the accusation. When a man is a little tipsy,
I told her, all his inhibitions go away and that's when you get the
real truth. Now, over the years I've told her several other
things. Like, when that red light goes on, it means you're low on
oil. Or, if you put iron skillets into the sink to soak, you ruin
them. That, she can't remember, but the other thing? Oh Jaysus,
have I paid for that. So let me tell you girls something that you
can put into the bank.
Drunk men say whatever the fuck comes into their minds, whether it
makes sense ot not. Solder it. And forgive them.
Guess what? The sun actually came out in
Maryland today. The first time I've seen it since ... April, I think.
Our community's traditional Memorial Day pool opener was postponed
for the first time in it's 300 year history last week, and rescheduled for
tomorrow. This is importand because, traditionally, one does not wear his white bucks until after the opener. I just went to see whether the weather would hold.
This is what I found.
I'm normally one of those people who require sunlight,
or I get very very pissy, not quite this
bad, but almost. Anyway, do you know how, when your team is getting
slaughtered, you actually start cheering for the other team to really pile it on?
That's where I'm at.
John R. Dunlap'sWriter's
Cramp, about "students and the Norman Mailer syndrome" is good.
These outtakes are wonderful.
"Sometimes, collectively, the students reveal clichés
I didn't know existed. Each of the following sentences occurred in a different
theme in a class of only twenty students:
The smell of pizza fills the air.
The stench of rotting fish fills the air.
The musty scent of perspiration fills the air.
The air was filled with the aroma of sizzling bacon.
Next are the mixed metaphors, the inevitable consequence of disconnecting
words from images -- of not thinking:
The stinging yellow dust grabbed my eyes and yanked.
His fist was released like an arrow from a bow.
My hands began to shake like an earthquake.
The dugout erupted like a broken piñata.
Covered with Christmas lights, our home shines with the beam of a
lighthouse.
A third pattern is the keynote: a kind of insistent commentary horning
in on the description and crowding out the images. The commentary is always
clichéd:
The vibrant warmth of the sun covered the verdant wilderness.
I was awed by the river's elegant windings.
Dusk is the time to look at the breathtaking sunset.
But often the commentary seems redolent of a cultural narcissism,
a weirdly vagrant specificity of self-absorption:
My car's ignition sounded similar to the boom heard from an F-14
Tomcat or any other jet featured in the classic movie Top Gun.
The sky attained the color of the silver tea set that has been kept
in the attic since my grandma died 20 years ago.
A 1973 Buick-sized orange moon fills the evening sky.
Of course, the three patterns, like Greek conditional sentences,
can be mixed into bewildering varieties. Here's a composite served up by
one student:
The acid churning in my stomach was my body's natural response to
its impending doom, and the invisible wells in my forehead brought buckets
of perspiration to the surface.The
rest of the story
New Hampshire found it necessary to pass a law yesterday that
demonstrates the depths of insanity to which Liberals have dragged us.
Minors in the Granite State will have to notify a parent 48 hours before
getting an abortion or, as an alternative, get permission from a judge.
It doesn't give parents or judges veto power.
McDonald's
is suing one of those idiots who plague society so. It's about
time. I'm very sure that McDonald's, and other corporations in the
food industry, can find ample cause to sue the shit out of PETA too.
I will join that suit as somebody permanently scarred by PETA's excessive,
and outrageous, screeching and hugger-muggery.
Someone, I won't say who, left their doggy with us for "a few days"
over a week ago. Ahem. The bidding opens tomorrow for this
nice Rhodesian Ridgeback that only eats 6 pounds of dog food every day.
This morning I caught two things that made me laugh
on FNC. The first was Bill Clinton making the case (again)
for repealing the 22nd Amendment (proscribing a president's third term),
or at least modifying it to read "consecutive." The dumb bastard
is conviced the American people would have given him another go in 2000,
or anytime in the future.
The other was E.D. (Donahey) Hill's response to
eighth graders spelling all those hard words in the national
spelling bee.
"Those are the kind of kids who screw up the Bell Curve."
"In 1998, President Clinton denounced Republicans for opposing
his environmental policies, citing Florida's inordinately warm weather:
"June was the hottest month they had ever had – hotter than any July or
August they had ever had." This, after the Senate rejected the Kyoto Treaty
by the slender margin of 95-0. In fact, all the world's major industrial
powers initially rejected the treaty, including Japan. That's right: Even
Kyoto rejected Kyoto."
Those of you who've earned at least a bachelor's degree in
intelligent thinking will recognize the style and common sense exhibited
in that morsel. Here's the whole
enchilada. What's the word? Oh yes, turgid.
When
George McGovern deeded the Democrat party to the gaggle of commies, kooks
and malcontents who run it to this day, he doomed them to stuff like this.
The
Prowler reports that the "Democratic Party in North Carolina has asked
the Democratic National Committee to help it determine to what extent Sen.
John Edwards has damaged his re-election chances in 2004 because of his
pursuit of the Democratic presidential nomination.
"He's moved so far to the left, we can't help but think
he's damaged his credibility with moderate Democrats here at home," says
a Tarheel State party operative".
John Hawkins is nothing if not a shrewd
marketer. (Yes, go there
so I can win the trip to Disneyland) I need to increase my income
as well, so I've decided to auction off my Blog name. That's right.
The person or corporation with the highest bid* will replace Curmudgeonly
& Skeptical with a name of their choice. Bid early and bid often, lest the "big boys" snatch the opportunity away.
Yet another reason Donks are getting creamed in
the public debate. Here's the good guy's "Deck
of Weasels." Now compare that to their "Deck
of Patriots." No quality control whatsoever. And, as Herr
duToit observed,
"Karen Hughes quit the Administration a year ago, you feckless fuckwits.
I'm surprised they didn't include Ike in the set."
It is a certainty that Bob "Torch" Torricelli
escaped prison only by virtue of being a Democrat senator. After all, the
man who bribed him was jailed. Pleas, then threats, from Donks fearful
of losing his Senate seat finally convinced Torricelli to resign, and
a corrupt Jersey court allowed his stand-in at the last minute. The
Torch is a crook. So, put your thinking caps on and tell me what
on earth would cause a judge to do
this? Do you think Senate Donks would filibuster Dennis Cavanaugh's
nomination to a higher court? Hmmm?
Bob Herbert's rant
in today's New York Times exemplifies why the Democrat party can
only survive if they take the next step and arm themselves. Using
yesterday's bill signing that increases the federal debt limit by nearly
a trillion dollars as a launch pad, Herbert explains why it was necessary. The Bush
tax cut, ("a stunning example of Mr. Bush's indifference to the deepening
plight of working people).
.
"After all, the tax cut could save Dick Cheney $100,000
a year, or more."
That's how they think. There was no economic fallout
from the market crash in 2000. Fighting World War III has had no
effect on spending. Nope, letting taxpayers keep more of their
own wages so they can spend it in the marketplace and encourage increased
hiring and production is the cause, according to Herbert's ilk. And
what would a donk whine be without dragging in the chiren?
"We definitely picked the wrong time to be graduating from
college," said Morgan Bushey, a 21-year-old student at the University of
North Carolina. She said she planned to go to France, where she would make
about $200 a week teaching English.
In the beginning I had a regular feature called Emily
Litela's Headlines. The idea was to take actual headlines and supply
my own subheads. For example, "Dems Criticize GOP Over Drug Prices"
begged for the sub head "Street price for marijuana hits $50
bag." Yesterday, Drudge
had this on his page:
Yesterday's day long server shutdown at Hosting
Matters deprived me of some possible big$ (in the event someone
was going to use the beg
cup), and sent Glenn Reynolds back to Blog.Spot.
I discovered this from the Amish
guy, and gave it a try
my own self. Nobody noticed. Anyway, I took a vacation day
and interacted with my human neighbors. One of them was my friend Greg
who lives down the road. I hadn't seen him for awhile, but
since he's a very busy architect that's not unusual. Yikes.
Greg has been inflicted with what he called "The Devil's Stab."
I looked it up on the web, but couldn't find it.
The closest thing I could find, using his description
of his prognosis, is Behçet's disease. Whatever it
is, it's like having an abscessed tooth, except it's in the eye area and
is constant. There is no cure. Example. Greg said he drank
an entire bottle of 100 Proof Old Grandad without effect.
He's been given maximum doses of Morphine to no avail. Imagine.
Sufferers have the highest rate of suicide in the universe. I am
praying for Greg.
Third floor editors at the Los Angeles Times are buzzing about a memo from top editor John Carroll dropped in their e-mail boxes last Thursday. It slams a front-page abortion story in that day's paper by Houston correspondent Scott Gold. The key grafs are these:
"I'm concerned about the perception---and the occasional reality---that the Times is a liberal, "politically correct" newspaper. Generally speaking, this is an inaccurate view, but occasionally we prove our critics right. We did so today with the front-page story on the bill in Texas that would require abortion doctors to counsel patients that they may be risking breast cancer.
[.....excerpted...]
The reason I'm sending this note to all section editors is that I want everyone to understand how serious I am about purging all political bias from our coverage. We may happen to live in a political atmosphere that is suffused with liberal values (and is unreflective of the nation as a whole), but we are not going to push a liberal agenda in the news pages of the Times."
W$J editorial page strongman emeritus, Robert Bartley,
saves us time, money and angst by dissecting Sidney Blumenthal's paean
to corruption, "The Clinton Wars."
President Clinton's final plea bargain with Independent Counsel Robert
Ray, admitting that his testimony under oath was not the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth: Mr. Blumenthal eschews this document's
title, "Agreed Order of Discipline." But he says it "tied up loose ends
from myriad legal matters." He continues, "[T]here would be no prosecution
of him on any matter whatsoever. Clinton had committed no crimes. However,
he had to acknowledge . . . that in his deposition in the Jones case, though
he had tried to speak lawfully, 'certain of my responses to questions about
Ms. Lewinsky were false.' He also accepted a five-year suspension of his
law license in Arkansas and a $25,000 fine in exchange for dismissal of
a pending disbarment suit, initiated by the Southeastern Legal Foundation,
a [Richard Mellon] Scaife-funded right-wing group. (Starr helped the group
raise funds by giving a speech for it in 2000.) - El Sid
"There, come to think of it, you have the entire
822 pages, and in all likelihood the next two books [Mr. & Mrs. Clinton's]
as well: The president of the United States cops a plea on perjury in a
federal court, but no conviction, no foul. And certainly no contrition
for the ignominy his reckless acts and words brought on himself, his office
and his nation. Indeed, the outcome is vindication; the only problem was
the critics, a billionaire exercising free speech and an independent counsel
who did the job thrust upon him."
Want more? Okay.
• The $850,000
President Clinton paid to settle the Paula Jones sexual harassment
suit: Mr. Blumenthal's last index entry under
Jones v. Clinton reads "summary judgment
dismissing, 439." The text notes that on getting the news of Judge Susan
Webber Wright's decision while on an African trip, the president beat on a
drum. Mr. Blumenthal adds that during the White House celebration: "'It's
over!' one of my colleagues shouted. But I knew it wasn't."
It wasn't. With impeachment proceedings under way, the 8th Circuit Court
heard an appeal of this dismissal, and the president's lawyer had to inform
the courts that the decision was tainted by errors in the president's
testimony. So Mr. Clinton agreed to close the case by forking over
$850,000, though without any apology.
I don't remember the $850,000 anywhere in Mr. Blumenthal's account. I
double-checked all the index entries, and asked an editor to thumb the
pages as well, since Mr. Blumenthal managed to trap one reviewer by
sneaking in a reference to Joseph Lieberman's Senate speech on Clinton
ethics more than 200 pages out of its logical context. Nor do the index
entries on Judge Wright turn up her finding the president in contempt of
court for "intentionally false" testimony that "undermined the judicial
system," or her additional award of more than $90,000 in resulting expenses
to Mrs. Jones and her lawyers. These events need no explanation or defense;
in Mr. Blumenthal's parallel universe they seem never to have happened.
•The Marc Rich
pardon: This was an act of statesmanship. The pardon had been
urged not only by the fugitive's former wife and Clinton contributor,
Denise, but also by Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak. Rich's
"philanthropic contributions" included "millions of dollars in support of
projects in Palestinian areas undertaken at the behest of the Israeli
government. In short, Rich was a financier of the peace
process."
•Hillary Clinton's $100,000 commodities
trading coup: Unlike the Jones $850,000, Mrs. Clinton's
commodities killing makes the book -- as an example of errors by the press.
A Newsweek account suggested she had none of her own money at risk, but
subsequent disclosures showed she put $1,000 into a margin account, and
parlayed it into a profit of $98,000 with advice from Jim Blair of Tyson
Foods and through often-disciplined broker Robert "Red" Bone. This was OK,
Mr. Blumenthal suggests, because one reporter leaped to a conclusion. More
sensibly, the error was the result of the Clintons' stonewalling on their
1978 and 1979 tax returns, though they'd released those starting in
1980.
Writing in the New York Review of Books, former New York Times executive
editor Joseph Lelyveld got tripped on the Lieberman detail, but makes a far
more telling point: Withholding these returns was crucial to the Clinton
electoral strategy. If everything had been released when the Times's Jeff
Gerth broke the first Whitewater story, the commodities scandal would have
dropped -- perhaps fatally -- into a campaign already staggering from the
draft-card imbroglio and Gennifer Flowers's sexual accusations.
•The travel
office firings: Mr. Blumenthal reports: "In 2000, the
independent counsel, after years of investigation, finally issued a report
clearing Hillary and everyone else of wrongdoing." In fact, Independent
Counsel Robert Ray said, "Mrs. Clinton's input into the process was a
significant -- if not the significant -- factor influencing the pace of
events in the travel office firings and the ultimate decision to fire the
employees." Her sworn denials of any role were "factually inaccurate." But
he decided he could not persuade a D.C. jury, because the evidence "is
insufficient to show that Mrs. Clinton knowingly intended to influence the
travel office decision."
•Whitewater: Mr.
Blumenthal's index reads "exoneration of Clintons: 43-44, 65-66, 96,
177-78, 331, 786-87." This relies on the account of "professional forensic
accountant" James Lyons, actually part of the Clinton legal team from
Denver, and a report from the law firm Pillsbury, Madison & Sutro. The
latter was hired by Savings and Loan regulators to judge whether they could
recover their costs by litigating Whitewater and related transactions.
Surprise: No.
Mr. Blumenthal also cites Mr. Ray's final report, saying it "found no
illegalities on the part of the Clintons." The Ray report certainly did
conclude, "This office determined that the evidence was insufficient to
prove to a jury beyond a reasonable doubt that either President or Mrs.
Clinton knowingly participated in any criminal conduct." However, it also
complained about White House stonewalling, delays "involving both the
production of relevant evidence and the filing of legal claims that were
ultimately rejected by the courts." Whereas Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan
had waived privileges in the peanut farm and Iran-Contra investigations,
the Clinton White House invented new ones. A "protective function
privilege" for the Secret Service, for example, had to be rejected by the
courts.
Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr did convict the Clintons' business
partners Jim and Susan McDougal, the First Lady's law partner and the
president's Associate Attorney General Webster Hubbell, Arkansas Governor
Jim Guy Tucker and others. By the time Mr. Ray found "insufficient
evidence," Jim McDougal had died in jail and Susan McDougal had served 18
months for refusing to testify. Mr. Blumenthal says he recommended her
pardon as a "heroine in standing up to Starr's bullying," and the next day
her name appeared in the final pardon list.
•The other women,
the "stalker," the blue dress, the press etc. All the women
were money-grubbing liars except for the one with the blue dress. Ditto the
Arkansas troopers. And while the president ultimately admitted a "one-night
stand" with Miss Flowers, she was a liar too. She'd claimed more, until the
president told what is now the truth in Mr. Blumenthal's universe. For that
matter, the Clintonites branded Monica Lewinsky a liar for seven months
until the semen-stained dress was revealed. Mr. Blumenthal denies he spread
the rumor she was a "stalker," but Christopher Hitchens swore an affidavit
he did. In Mr. Blumenthal's parallel universe the reliable journalists are
Joe Conason and Gene Lyons; scumbags include Mr. Gerth, Susan Schmidt of
the Washington Post and especially Mr. Hitchens and the late Michael
Kelly.
I was glad to get out of Washington back in 1972 after a one-year stay
in that oppressive company town, and come to New York where you're not
forced to run around with other journalists. Heaven forfend I'd have struck
up a friendship with Mr. Blumenthal. As it stands, all I have to deny is
his silly accusation that I struck a "deal" with Kenneth Starr to continue
to investigate scandals in return for leaks. Yeah, I thought, we signed it
in blood. In terms of coverage I supervised for the Journal, I see no need
to add to what we previously published on the Clintonite attempt to blame
us for Vincent Foster's suicide, or on Mr. Blumenthal's attempt to drag one
of our writers into his litigation with Matt Drudge -- two cheap attempts
to intimidate us out of aggressive coverage. The fact is, from the first
days of the administration we were deep into Whitewater broadly defined, as
a result of deep suspicions about the Rose Law Firm developed through our
earlier investigation of the Bank of Credit and Commerce International.
Anyway, leaks weren't really necessary; our Micah Morrison proved again and
again that there was plenty in the record.
•Sidney
Blumenthal: Mr. Blumenthal relates that after his first
grand-jury testimony, he stood on the courthouse steps to proclaim that "I
was forced to answer questions, about conversations, as part of my job,
with The New York Times, CNN, CBS, Time magazine, U.S. News, the New York
Daily News, the Chicago Tribune, The New York Observer, and there may have
been a few others." He was later upbraided by the jury forewoman for "an
inaccurate description of the events that happened here." He complains that
"it was wrong for the prosecutor or a grand juror to lecture a witness or
subject about what he could or couldn't say outside the grand-jury
chamber."
Problem is, even Mr. Blumenthal's account does not show any such series
of questions being asked. He's proud of his lie. "My brief remarks outside
the courthouse had been broadcast on every network news show and reported
on the front page of almost every newspaper. The New York Times/CBS News
poll showed, as the Times wrote, 'a plummeting public approval rating' for
Starr. His favorable rating had sunk to 11 percent, one of the lowest ever
recorded for any public figure, while President Clinton's rating had
reached 73 percent."
•The Clinton
record: Messrs. Starr, Scaife and the "vast right-wing
conspiracy" distracted the president from substantive achievements. E.g.,
"Had his administration had another year, he would have reached a final
agreement with North Korea preventing it from developing nuclear weapons."
And of course, the first-year Clinton tax increases "caused a fall in
interest rates and set off a boom in private investment."
Once more for the record: Robert Rubin to the contrary, interest rates
rose in the first two years of the Clinton administration. They peaked on
election day in 1994, when Newt Gingrich's "Contract with America" captured
Congress for the GOP. And the Clinton foreign-policy record, lobbing cruise
missiles at empty targets after depredations by Saddam Hussein and Osama
bin Laden, shows the same fecklessness as displayed in his sex life and
reaction to scandal. The lesson of his presidency is that character counts
after all.
U.S. Treasurer Rosario Marin is now 'former U.S. treasurer' and heading
back to California to launch a campaign against Sen. Barbara Boxer.
I wrote about this here,
and over the weekend a conservative challenger left his comments. On that
basis, Curmudgeonly & Skeptical says "Danney
Ball for Senate".
"A growing number of Democrats now worry that the party is
too closely tied to liberal special interests and that it will lose next
year if its presidential nominee is seen as too liberal and too often pandering
to those interest groups." - Donald Lambro
"... now worry ... ?" We are talking world class stupidity
here. I'm not kidding.
What will we do about Fallujah? The place seems to be an Iraqi Chechnya,
where everyone has guns and hates outside authority. No U.S. Troops
interact with Fallujahn kiddies. Think of walking Harlem streets
at 2 A.M., except all the time. If the place is not neutralized we'll
lose more troops in occupation than during the actual war. In my
novel, I'd make everyone assemble at a collection point where they'd be
stripped of all weapons. Those who stayed hiding in Fallujah [all
the bad guys] would be blown to bits with the rest of the city, which I
would simultaneously nuke. I mean I would level the place, then put
the rest to work rebuilding it. A busy bee is a happy bee. End
of problem. Next?
Since I was about to leave Blog.spot just about the
time it was purchased by GOOGLE, I dint much consider ramifications.
Whoops. One of, if not the onliest, reasons I blog is to get my version
of things into the public debate. That's achieved primarily by the
Google 'hits' which account for about 25% of my customers. If this
article is right, we, dear Blogger friends, are about to be shunted
off into the gym in the basement.
"Dominique Houston is a straight-A student
enrolled in honors and advanced placement classes in Covina, Calif.
She is a candidate for class valedictorian and hopes to double-major in
marine biology and political science in college, preferably the University
of California at Los Angeles or the University of San Diego. She has written
only one research paper during her high school career. It was three pages
long, examining the habits of beluga whales.
''Bibliographies? We don't really even know how to do those. I don't
even know how I would write a 15-page paper. I don't even know how I would
begin.'' - Writing
term papers has become a lost art
"[I'm] reminded ... (for
reasons you'll soon understand) of a car accident my wife and daughter
were lucky to walk away from three years ago. A 16-year-old driving a new
Lincoln coupe hit them at 70 mph--twice the speed limit--after careening
off a hillside. Later that night the kid's mother told me how shocked she
was by the witness reports of his reckless driving. "But he got 1550 on
his SAT," she cried.
"What do you do for a living?" I asked.
"It was no surprise to hear that she's a college professor." - Joel
Engel, Too
Smart To Be So Dumb
A year ago Jed Babbin, who writes Loose Cannons
for The (new) American Spectator,
suggested the Top
Ten Things to Do About Terror. They were all reasonable, but
I saw particular urgency in #9 (We should be training everyone who wants
to learn -- cops and civilians alike -- about what to look for ...
), #7 (Establish a national "neighborhood watch." We have about 7,500
miles of land and air borders with Canada and Mexico ... ), and #2
(... stop the flow of people coming here from Syria, Iran, Iraq, and,
yes, Saudi Arabia). Today, just one of my three, and 3/10 overall,
have been implemented. But we have a color code, says Babin
in his
report card.
Head Start is a great example of why we are ultimately doomed
to suffocation by bureaucrat.
"Head Start is one of the most revered programs in government
– but not altogether deservedly so. At a cost of more than $5,000 per child,
Head Start delivers scant measurable, lasting improvement in the academic
performance of its beneficiaries... Head Start employees have reacted
to the bad news about the program’s effectiveness by gradually shifting
the program’s mission away from academics to, in effect, daycare. That
mission shift was quietly abetted by the Clinton administration – and will
soon be noisily (and probably abusively) defended by Democrats in Congress
... ." David
Frum
About a quarter century ago my pop, who was in a position
to know such things, delivered his assessment of the new program.
"Head Start children show initial performance gain, but in a year or
so they test with the kids who never participated." Not
a thing has changed in all those years, and it doesn't matter. Head
Start factotums will defend their turf 'till Hell freezes over and a future
Democrat president makes the agency a cabinet post.
The man who made the name "Clymer"
a household joke had
a beauty yesterday in the first of a two parter on how his beloved
Donks are screwed. "Democrats these days lack the killer instinct
that it takes to sell blunt, demagogic messages. (huh?)" He asks
Bob Shrum why that is.
"It's probably a weakness that we're not real haters. We
don't have a sense that it's a holy crusade. We don't have a sense that
it's Armageddon," said Shrum with what one must assume was a straight
face.
Oh stop it ... my
side is hurting. Wasn't it Bob Shrum who engineered past Democrat
election themes like, "George Bush cheered while blacks were being
dragged to death behind Texas pickup trucks"? Like, "if Republicans
are elected there will follow a spate of black church burnings?"
Sheeesh. What we have with Democrats is a whole gaggle of sociopaths.
I've been pondering over what evidence Scott Peterson can present
at this week's scheduled press conference that could possibly prove
his innocence. Here is every single possibility.
10. Gary Condit will say that Scott was helping him search for Chandra Levy
all day.
9. A new witness will swear that "Scott was murdering my wife at the time."
8. Scott will present a Kato Kalin affidavit where Kato swears he was living in the Peterson's garage when two cement anchors and Laci Peterson spontaneously combusted.
7 Scott will reveal that after hypnosis he recalls chasing a "one legged"
man he saw leaving his house, but then he fell and got amnesia.
6. A woman claiming to be her friend will swear that Laci confessed planning
suicide after discovering Scott's Christmas present to her was a Best
of Steely Dan CD.
5. A homeless man from Omaha will swear he chased a pregnant woman, "definitely
Laci," away from his Dumpster the day after Christmas.
4. "Laci was going to make "Mac & Cheese" that night. I love Mac
& Cheese."
3. Hans Blix will testify that Scott "was my right hand man in Iraq" when
Laci disappeared.
2. Scott will argue, "Why would I kill Laci on Christmas Eve when it meant
losing Amber's and my reservation at Biba on Christmas day?
Do you know how hard it is to get reservations at Biba?"
And the number one reason for the press conference:
1. It was called by Baghdad Bob without Scott's knowledge.
A rather impolite description of George W. Bush was presented by
the Swedish minister during a meeting with the press this week. According
to the Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet,
Mr. Karlsson called Mr. Bush "that fucking Texas geezer". The Swedish
Prime Minister, Göran Persson, was about to sack Karlsson until he
explained his foul language was a result of "ein visit vit mein fucking mudder."
THE former French president Valéry Giscard d’Estaing
raised the temperature in the debate over the new EU constitution yesterday
by declaring Britain had to choose between a future with Europe or its
special relationship with the United States. [story]
It's important for the U.S that Brits stick with us.
That island nation will be invaluable when it becomes necessary to destroy
the 21st century version of the Third Reich that the European Union is
becoming.
Speaking of goofy bastards, 40 of those Texas Democrats who fled to Oklahoma rather than face the music have taken to calling themselves "the WD-40s" -- a name they say describes them
because they're white Democrats over 40. Problem is, the makers of the
lubricant WD-40 are objecting.
"It is extremely important to WD-40 Company that its trademark
not be associated with any political party or political group," a company
attorney wrote in a cease and desist letter."
"The last thing we need," said a spokeswoman privately, "is to be
associated with those idiots. WFW-40 (white fuckwits over
40) would be appropriate" story
"But only one of the 535 members of Congress, Rep. Sam Farr, D-Carmel,
flies the blue and white United Nations flag. Farr started doing it only
recently, just as President Bush's feud with such fellow U.N. Security
Council members as France, Germany and Russia led the president to invade
Iraq without the council's express backing." - story
I need some help with a contest idea. "The rules of this game
are thus: Change any famous person's race, creed or cultural dress completely."
Here's the example.
Any good ideas?
This
account of what was going on within Iraq's Republican Guard is muy
interesting. It seems the Hussein family attended the Lyndon
Johnson school of military warfare and graduated with honors.
An amalgam of Eurotrash and U.N. activists is about to hand
their Democrat allies in the United States something else to be scandalized
over. With customary balance and flair, the
San Francisco Chronicle clues us in.
Chris Christensen, manager of Marquard's Smoke Shop in downtown
San Francisco, isn't too worried that 192 nations have unanimously adopted
a global treaty aimed at curbing tobacco use.
Chris isn't worried because "it still must be first
signed by President Bush and then ratified by the U.S. Senate. [whine
alert] As we've seen with the Kyoto global-warming treaty, not all accords
adopted internationally end up being embraced by this administration."
Doing a great New York Times imitation, the Chron
ignores that the Senate and President Clinton also refused to approve
Kyoto, which was a thinly disguised planto steal money
from the United States. As with most things devised by these
nascent Euro fascists, cash is the motive with the tobacco "accord."
"Along with a ban on cigarette advertising, the treaty calls
for promotion of taxes and prices that deter smoking, as well as
devoting up to half the space on cigarette packs to health warnings."
"Pivoting his body with his right arm and holding a neon-green
ruler in his left hand, James Milam, 10, (and disabled by sacral agenesis)
crawled from grave to grave at Nashville National Cemetery yesterday morning,
carefully placing an American flag exactly one foot from each gravestone."
[Story]
"According to a Washington Post survey, 29 percent of
Americans say that when considering a candidate for president, it is "extremely"
or "very" important that the person has served in the military. Among
Democrats, that rises to 31 percent. (emphasis added)"
This is something to think about when negative people
are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this the next
time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, makes your life miserable.
- Merrily
A
New York woman was at her hairdresser's on Park Avenue getting her hair
cut prior to a vacation in Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned
the trip to the hairdresser, who responded,
"Rome? Why would anyone want to
go there? Italy's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to
go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"Were taking Continental," was the reply.
"We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser.
"That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants
are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place
over on Rome's left bank called Teste..."
"Don't go any further. I know that place.
Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but
it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the
service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you
get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope
to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and
a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of
an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need
it."
A
month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked
her about her vacation in Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the
woman, "we not only flew on one of Continental's brand new planes, but
it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food
and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward
who waited on me great! The hotel was marvelous, they'd just finished a
$5-million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the
city. They, too, were overbooked, so they
apologized and gave us their owner's suite
at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's
all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because
as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained
that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind
as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally
greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through
the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
Two lawyers are leaving the office. "I can't wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's panties right off." "I know the feeling," the other says. "No, I'm serious," says the first. "They're killing me."
"The top five percent of taxpayers would get more than half of
the benefits from the tax cut," ABC's Linda Douglass complained on Thursday's
World News Tonight as an on-screen graphic screamed, "TAX CUT WINNERS: Top 5% taxpayers get more than half of benefits."
But in suggesting some kind of unfair skew toward the wealthy, Douglass
didn't bother to inform viewers that the top five percent of income earners
also pay more than half of the income taxes collected -- 56 percent to
be exact. [Full]
"It's one of those fascinating "what
ifs" of American history: What if Henry Wallace had still been vice president
when Franklin Roosevelt was felled by a cerebral hemorrhage in 1945? Instead
of a postwar American foreign policy grounded in the Truman Doctrine and
the Marshall Plan, we would have had one shaped by a man who deemed Britain
as much a threat as the Soviet Union, whose advisers included Soviet spies,
and who once described a Siberian slave-labor camp as a "combination TVA
and Hudson's Bay Company."
"Which makes it all the more incredible
that the Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt Institute in Hyde Park, N.Y., would
choose to affix the Wallace name to the visitor and exhibition center scheduled
to open its doors this November. Wallace will become the portal through
which visitors are introduced to Roosevelt"
Not that the Iowa-born Wallace was without achievements. Most notable of
these was the founding of Pioneer Hi-Bred, an innovative corn-seed company
that increased crop yields, helped gain Wallace his job as FDR's
agriculture secretary and left his family wealthy enough to help finance
this center. As institute president and CEO Christopher Breiseth tells us:
"If you stopped the clock at April 12, 1945" -- the day FDR died -- the
portrait of Wallace would be dominated by domestic policy.
Well, yes. But if you stop the clock in 1945, Ronald Reagan would be a
New Deal Democrat too. In 1946 Wallace, then serving as commerce secretary,
broke with Truman and two years later ran for president under the banner of
a Progressive Party effectively run by communists and fellow travelers. In
so doing he threatened the Democratic Party from the left at the same time
that Strom Thurmond's Dixiecrats were threatening it from the right.
Certainly historians are free to speculate that a Wallace presidency
might have avoided the Cold War and its attendant antagonisms. In addition
to being purely speculative, however, it is a view that elevates good
intentions and noble dreams over acts and consequences. In Wallace's own
day, American liberals saw his naïveté for what it was:
dangerous.
Arthur Schlesinger Jr. makes the point in a review of the reverential
biography of Wallace, "American Dreamer," published by former Sen. John
Culver and former newsman John Hyde three years ago. "Eleanor Roosevelt
herself," wrote Mr. Schlesinger, "led the repudiation of Wallace in column
after column." Not only did Eleanor attack Wallace for his alliance with
the communists, she declared that "any use of my husband's name in
connection with that party is from my point of view entirely
dishonest."
How much of this complicated record visitors to the Wallace Center are
likely to take away is anyone's guess, but we'll venture ours: not much. If
the Wallace name is to go up on the Roosevelt grounds, shouldn't there be
some public acknowledgement of the very different FDR legacy we would have
been left with had Wallace and not Truman prevailed?
One hundred and forty-five billion dollars! It was the biggest punitive
damage award in U.S. history -- and it resulted from a "fundamentally
unfair" trial in which plaintiffs' lawyers "succeeded in inflaming the
jury's passions," most notably through "egregious" appeals to racial
sentiment, to the point that its members "ran amuck." That's what a
unanimous state appeals court said on Wednesday when it struck down the
award -- $145 billion! -- against the tobacco industry purportedly on
behalf of all sick smokers in the state of Florida.
The decision isn't the final word on the much-hyped
Engle class action, since appeal to the
Florida Supreme Court is likely. But Wall Street cheered, bidding up
tobacco stocks by more than 10%. And other businesspeople should take note,
since defendants in other industries are only too vulnerable to the tactics
and techniques justly rebuked by the appeals court this week.
* * *
The case started off on a surreal note when Miami trial lawyer Stanley
Rosenblatt and his wife, Susan, stepped forward to ask a Dade County court
to designate them as legal representatives of every person in the country
made ill by smoking -- a "class" very few of whose members had sought them
out as champions. Rather than collapse in helpless laughter, appellate
judges allowed the husband-and-wife team to proceed, but narrowed the class
to include Florida smokers only. Then there began a jury selection phase
lasting three months, with 800 prospects being sent home in search of the
perfect six. (If you took the view that smoking is a matter of individual
responsibility, you got bounced.) When the trial itself got under way, Mr.
Rosenblatt called to the stand three plaintiffs allegedly typical of his
huge class, including a 44-year-old nurse who said she "had no idea there
was anything wrong with cigarettes at all," and packed the courtroom with
attendees wheezing loudly amid oxygen tanks and voice boxes.
Logically the case should have had no racial angle since smokers are
drawn from all ethnic groups. Yet having obtained a mostly minority jury
(four blacks, one Hispanic, one non-Hispanic white), Mr. Rosenblatt
proceeded to put experts on the stand who depicted smoking as particularly
lethal to blacks and hammered away at tobacco firms for advertising in
black magazines and consciously pursuing black customers. (That black
publishers, radio stations and event promoters had avidly sought such
"targeted marketing," and sometimes complained of bias when they didn't get
enough of it, seemed neither here nor there.) Helping matters along, Dade
County Judge Robert Kaye handed down numerous rulings favorable to the
plaintiffs.
When the two-year trial was finally over, the six-member jury
deliberated for a mere five hours before deciding that the tobacco industry
should pay a sum more than twice the gross domestic product of New Zealand.
(It also voted $12.7 million to the three individual plaintiffs.) The $145
billion was many times the tobacco companies' net worth, and thus (as the
appeals court pointed out) in bald violation of state law, which prohibits
punitive damages set so high as to bankrupt a defendant. Yet the verdict
was soon hailed by such anti-tobacco stalwarts as Sen. Dick Durbin (D.,
Ill.) and even the American Medical Association, which seems to have
trouble recognizing litigation excess when its own members are not among
the intended targets.
Now, in its 68-page ruling, the appeals court calmly explains why
virtually every aspect of the Engle verdict flunks on grounds of basic fairness and
legality. As was widely expected, it found the damage award grossly
excessive, both as a matter of Florida law and under constitutional
standards of due process. Also as widely expected, it found that the case
should not have gone forward as a class action. Separate trials are needed
because of the vast differences among individuals on such issues as why
they decided to smoke or quit. Indeed, the Engle jury found three different degrees of contributory
fault on the part of the three named plaintiffs.
While the appeals court opinion criticizes many of Judge Kaye's rulings,
it reserves its greatest ire for something barely touched on in many news
accounts of the case -- namely, the pervasive misconduct of Mr. Rosenblatt.
"Plaintiffs' counsel began making racially charged arguments on the first
day of trial," it notes. Among the milder ones were frequent gratuitous
references to such figures as Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. Aside
from "inflaming the jury with racial pandering," Mr. Rosenblatt attacked
opposing counsel, made reference to matters not in evidence, personally
vouched for matters that were supposed to be up to the jury, and more. In
one especially damaging episode, Mr. Rosenblatt repeatedly planted with the
jury the idea that the defendants could sustain a larger verdict by paying
it out in installments, rather than all at once. He had good reason to know
this was false -- Florida law makes such damages payable immediately; and
even Judge Kaye found him in contempt over that one. But it seems to have
swayed the jury.
"It is obvious," concludes the court, "that the 'runaway' jury award was
largely the result of numerous improper comments by plaintiffs' counsel
directing the jury to disregard limitations on punitive damages. The trial
was book-ended with prejudicial attorney misconduct which incited the jury
to disregard the law." The court even found that in a 1992 book Mr.
Rosenblatt had boasted of winning acquittal for a murder defendant by way
of racially based appeals that turned up "almost verbatim" in his
Engle arguments. In the book, he wrote of his ability to
communicate to jurors "in a subtle way" that they needn't be bound by legal
instructions.
* * *
One other portion of Wednesday's ruling has far-reaching implications,
yet went almost unremarked in early press accounts. At trial, Judge Kaye
had barred defendants from arguing that their $246 billion settlement with
the 50 states had already resolved the punitive damages issue. But the
appeals court took a different view. The state of Florida's lawsuit against
the tobacco industry, it pointed out, asserted claims of fraud, conspiracy,
addictiveness and so forth against the companies, and demanded punitive
damages. By consenting to a lucrative settlement of those claims, the court
said, the attorneys general of Florida (and presumably the other 49 states)
foreclosed further claims for punitive damages on behalf of the community
as a whole over those pre-1998 offenses.
Tobacco companies -- punished enough? Now there's a heretical
thought.
Mr. Olson is a senior
fellow at the Manhattan Institute and the author of "The Rule of Lawyers:
How the New Litigation Elite Threatens America's Rule of Law" (St.
Martin's, 2003).
(After being told by Omar Bradley that the Russians were going
to be allowed to occupy Prague in order to avoid "complications") "For
God's sake Brad, it seems to me that a great nation like America should
let others worry about the complications." -- George S. Patton
El Hawko Grande has a bunch
more quotes from this great General. If you're running for President,
you will do well to read them.
"A Vatican cardinal, not seeking attribution, recently said
he could foresee a day when a pope is arrested as a hate criminal for teaching
Catholic moral doctrine. The ancient pagans chained St. Peter; the modern
pagans in the European Union may one day handcuff one of his successors."
This isn't as outlandish or idle as it sounds, writes George Neumayr
(Diabolizing
the Pontiff). "In April, the United Nations debated a resolution that
calls upon the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights to
pay due attention to the phenomenon of violations of human rights on the
grounds of sexual orientation."
"I believe Sulzberger is a pretty well-known name, too.
The Sulzberger-Ochs dynasty has controlled the Times for a century. A college
admissions committee would not have to wager on young Pinch's future success.
It was his birthright to run the most powerful newspaper in the world someday.
No messy elections could stand in his way. And yet, it appears that Harvard
managed to turn him down. He was a legacy at Columbia University, but they
didn't want him either. (Those must have been some low SAT scores.) Maureen
might want to stay mum on the subject of dumb rich kids, at least for the
next three or four decades." - Justice
Coulter
"The Southeastern Legal Foundation (SLF) is asking the Justice
Department to bring "criminal treason" charges against former NBC reporter
Peter Arnett, who during a lengthy interview with Iraqi TV claimed that
American military planning had failed in the war with Iraq.
"Phil Kent, president of SLF, says the U.S. Constitution "makes plain
that treason is a crime witnessed by at least two persons, there's legal
intent, and it provides aid and comfort to the enemy — and Peter Arnett's
worldwide television tirade on Iraqi TV against U.S. military activity
certainly meets those criteria." - Inside
Politics
I'm beginning to understand the angst all those donks are having about
new accountability standards.
"THE terror alert is up and so is the
angst among Democratic 2004 wannabes because they know it's politically
dumb and dumber to try to blame terror jitters on President Bush - but
they just can't help themselves. " - Debra
Orrin
Debbie examples the stupidity the 10 Donk wannabes (she
includes Hillary) are exhibiting in an effort to convince America they
would be better on national security than Bush. This is fun.
Thank me for not doing another "Dumb
& Dumber" knockoff.
For the past two days I've been carrying on a back and forth e-mail dialogue
with Microsoft Support about a vexing problem. My support guy sends
me instructions, I do what he says and acknowledge. He sends back
more instructions ... you know the drill. So, how many smart alecks
out there know what showed up in my mailbox at this vulnerable point in
my day? That's right, this.
Fortunately my virus scan went off - after
I opened it. I use McAfee (and hate it). Even though
it identified the worm, and its location, McAfee was unable to delete,
quarantine, or stop the worm, so I went over to Symantec and downloaded
their "sobig" remover tool. Anyway, a word to the wise. Read
this and take heed.
"If someone is going to use their weapons to protect their
rights, [it] makes me nervous that they have these weapons at all!" --
Rep. Henry Waxman (Gun Control Party, Calif.)
Here's another update. In March I did
a deal on knife sharpening, and mentioned Steve Bottorff's web
site that specializes in that area. Anyway, Steve came across
that post and writes:
"Thank you for mentioning my knife sharpening website www.ameritech.net/users/knives/index.htm.
Scraping sharpeners like the old Dial-X that you show do create an agressive
edge, however the edge is ragged and thin (a wire edge) and tend not to
hold up well in use. They are still available in many guises.
One of the best is the Sharpen-It, made by Meyerco. No, I don't sell
them."
As you can see by his second comment to that post, Steve's "keen edge" does not extend to his understanding of politics, but what the hay.
John
McCaslin writes in his Inside the Beltway column:
"Daily constitutionals became difficult for millions
of Americans when former Vice President Al Gore introduced mandatory 1.8-gallon
flush toilets, which barely is enough precious water to handle the end
result.
"Instead of conserving water, we stand there — from
Washington, D.C., to Walla Walla, Wash. — cranking the handle twice when
once used to do the trick."
What's next? It looks like there is some movement for going back
to
the outhouse?
That
calls for an update. Some may recall me crying in my beer last
December, because it looked like we'd have to replace one of our trusty
pre-Gore toilets with one of his inefficient crappers. Well, we did.
We went with a "pressure assisted" model
that works as well as our old model. Except, it cost $300 plus. After
taking the old toilet off (remember, I had pressure hosed it, augured it,
snaked it, and chemicled it) I smashed it with a hammer to find out what
caused the clog. Voila! My wife's reading glasses were neatly
jammed in the curved recesses. Don't read in the bathroom, it's expensive.
Rep. Shelley Moore Capito, the West Virginia Republican
whose district includes Pfc. Lynch's hometown of Palestine, is sponsoring
the POW Protection Act of 2003. Mrs. Capito and co-sponsor Rep. Virgil H. Goode
Jr., Virginia Republican, will announce the bill at 9:30 this morning at
the Rayburn House Office Building. The aim of the bill is "to halt the abhorrent
practice, recurrent in war after war, of the torture of American POWs,"
the sponsors say.
Let's change the rules so congress only convenes every other year, and
then for just 15 days.
Fritz Holliings speaks for all in our
House of Lords with this conceit.
Sen. Ernest F. Hollings, South Carolina Democrat, says he
will not run for re-election next year if his party can find a strong candidate
to replace him. "I'd love to have a candidate that would run,
a Democrat candidate," Mr. Hollings told the State newspaper of Columbia.
"I've been trying my best for 10 years to find one that will run."
Imagine that. In the past ten years, not a single South Carolinian worthy of replacing his eminence was to be found? Here's a flash Fritz. In ten years you'll be the answer to the trivia question, "What politician prevented tort reform in the 20th century, in return for cash payments by greedy ambulance chasers?"
The premise: "You are to depict a ridiculous episode
of a recent television show - one that is so over the top it wouldn't actually
occur."
My first entry was bounced back because I used
Bush - which is disallowed as a "cliché" (hmmm scroll through the
entries) so I switched to another pol hated by the Hollywood left.
Check
'em out and vote for the one you like - some are great.
The usual suspects are up in arms over a Pentagon
bill that "would erode role of unions." But, wait. Let's
take a closer look.
What leverage do unions, in general, have?
The strike, right? Without that threat, Americans would be shoving
pies in the faces of union thugs everywhere. Title 5, Section 7311
of the Federal Code prohibits federal employees from striking against the
federal governmet. Ergo, the only reason AFSCME exists is to extort
tribute from federal workers, and funnel said monies to the Democrat party.
WTF?
In Januaray, 2002, the Bushmeister issued Executive
Order 13352 that barred union representation at five Department of
Justice offices. Well hell, if he can do that, why not issue E.O.
13352-A, and bar the union - period? And E.O. 13352-B, that
mandates punching head AFSME thug Gerald McIntee in the nose? All
in favor, say Aye.
As an aside -- I'm fairly adept at finding pictures
on the web, and I've never before found such a dearth of imagery, of a
public figure given to mouthing off on television, as there is of Gerald
McIntee. I have been able to find just
one, and that a very small group shot. WTF? He's like that
East German commie spy, whatshisname, that never had his picture taken.
Just like the horses pushed into the starting gate at last
weekend’s Preakness Stakes horse race, the democrats are shoving their
competitors into the chute. Even with the election nearly eighteen months
away, the donkeys are loaded and it’s time to set the odds on the democratic
nine.
-DENNIS KUCINICH----700-1. Kucinich bankrupted Cleveland in his short
stint there. His candidacy is bankrupt in this nine-donkey race.
He is beyond the fringe and has absolutely no shot at even finishing this
race.
I've had it! This weather can go kusu o taberu na!
We haven't had three nice days without rain for 8 months, so I'm
doing it. The last time I called the feared "Ma baho and keekee mo
boy" to chase the rain away, we had drought for six months, and I liked
it that way. What's that? You're a farmer? Well, fila mou to
kolo.
My pal Chuck tells me there are only ten times in history the "F" word
has been appropriate and acceptable for use:
10. "What the F*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "Look at all them F***ing Indians!" - Custer, 1877
8. "Any F***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so F***ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
6. "How the F*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the F***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the F*** are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered F***ing showers....My ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
2. "Aw c'mon. Who the F***'s going to find out?"- Bill Clinton,
1999
And . . . drum roll . . . .
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this F***ing mad." - Saddam
Hussein
There's a nationwide police crackdown on seat belt use called 'Click
it or ticket.' Cities taking part set up random checkpoints where officers ticket passengers without seat belts.
Now, anybody out there who believes that your local pols give a rat's ass
about your chances of injury when not wearing a seat belt, raise your hand.
Now, those who think cash strapped governments are using this ploy as another
hidden tax, say 'Amen.' You people who raised your hand ... you've
been sleeping in class, dammit. Sheesh.
Anyone seeking a Socratic education on the cheap
could do much worse than read everything John
Ray writes... but his comments are busted, or he doesn't use
them anymore, so I must use this forum to quibble with a recent post (DECRIMINALIZING MARIJUANA on May 19).
"Marijuana advocates across Canada are celebrating a May
16 Ontario court decision, which effectively legalized possession in Canada's
largest province.
The Canadians are pretty incensed about pressure from the USA to
abandon their permissive stance on Marijuana. I must say that I think the
Canadians are right on this one. US Prohibition on alcohol did more harm
than good. Why anyone thinks Marijuana use is any different escapes me.
Though I myself have never used ANY illegal drug -- nor do I intend to.
I'm a good libertarian (from the Spoons
school of "libertarian fascism") so I have no fundamental argument against the legalization
of drugs, except ... that sort of freedom has been forfeited by
laws that restrict my right as an employer to fire employees for any substandard
work. And by laws that make me pay for the health costs (and there
is a heavy price to pay in terms of THC lung tar deposits, if nothing else)
incurred. In other words, a libertarian policy on drugs must be accompanied
by a libertarian policy on personal responsibility and consequences for
bad behavior. We don't got that in the U.S. Like they say at Moe's,
"No Shoes, No Service."
After the Supreme's allowed Maine's version of the Canadian prescription
drug scheme to go forward yesterday, count on the Nine
Donks from Hell to begin harping on it's virtues as national policy.
That of course will prompt a dickwad you know to shove it in your face,
at which point you should thumb tack a copy
of this to his/her forehead. Carry on.
"Speaking of the Times' prototypical disinformationist, he
turns out to a useful tool in the hands of a liberal critic of the Jayson
Blair affair. In the current New Yorker, the gifted creative writer
Hendrik Hertzberg renews
his commitment to moral equivalence, noting that Blair's crimes pale in
comparison to "the harm done by the Pulitzer Prize-winning whitewash of
Stalin's terror perpetrated by Walter Duranty, the paper's longtime Moscow
correspondent, or, for that matter, the more recent harm done by its obtuse,
petty, and wrongheaded obsession with the Clinton non-scandal known as
Whitewater." For that matter, I always said it was a mistake for anyone
to call Clinton a kulak. After all, not even Hillary wanted forced collectivization
on the Whitewater estates." - Wlady
Pleszczynski
The city that will only vote for Liberal government is reaping its just
reward. James Taranto [Best of the Web] asked yesterday, "Is New York's
mayor trying to destroy the city? Not only is he raising taxes; he seems
to be waging a campaign of harassment against productive citizens."
Using an obscure law that only allows a store's name and street number
on awnings, Bloomberg has ordered cops to start handing out fines of up
to $2,500 for violations. Cops also ticketed a Bronx man for "unauthorized
use of a milk crate," a "crime" that can carry a $100 fine. "Blame
Bloomberg," the cop told the poor schmuck.
Personal note: About 15 years ago I was involved in
opening a new business in the Chelsea section of Manhattan. The day
before our grand opening we were visited by at least a half dozen cops
and other city factotums, all looking for "a bite". One cop threatened
us with the awning law until $100 made him go away. I was outraged
that the owner I was consulting for would pay off, but as a life long New
Yorker he accepted "Mordida"
as a necessary way of life in the Big Apple. Pricks.
This list may be a tad late for some, but maybe not.
1. Do not leave voicemail.
2. Do not call anyone whose number is not already programmed into your
phone.
3. Do not re-record your outgoing voice mail message, adding a musical
interlude or any reference to yourself as "[ ]
on the block."
4. Do not listen to old, saved messages from those who have caused you
heartache. If you fuck up and erase them, that would be very sad.
5. If a guy calls and tells you he's going to a party but will call
you if it's "terrible," don't answer when/if he calls back.
6. Do not call to check how the party is.
7. Do not send the following text message: "hey. if u want, stop by
after. i'll be up."
8. Do not call anyone to get their ex-boyfriend's number (see #2).
9. Do not use your phone in the bathroom, near large bodies of water
or if you feel like you might vomit.
10. If you are obsessed with some hipster kid and are kind of, say,
stalking him (if hanging out at the dog run he frequents, sans dog, can
be considered stalking) and he has a radio show on the local station, do
not call in and request Yo La Tengo's "Stockholm Syndrome."
11. Do not order a delivery of sashimi deluxe and wasabi dumplings without
checking to see if you have adequate cash on hand.
12. Do not call the guy from the Personals who stopped calling after
a handful of "dates" and say, "By the way, you are so not six feet tall."
13. Do not aim at his head. And make sure the antenna is pushed in all
the way, if it's one of those retractable ones.
14. Do not call the guy you thought you were dating, whom you have not
seen for six weeks, who never calls you back, for whom you have left repeated,
pathetic drunken-dialing messages (see No. 1), to say "Hey, I'm just calling
to let you know I'm deleting your phone number."
15. Do not confess huge, intensely embarrassing secrets.
16. If you almost confess a huge, intensely embarrassing secret but
stop yourself and say "never mind," and the person you were about to confess
to insists, "It's too late, you can't just say never mind" — DO NOT LISTEN
TO THEM. Do not continue phone call.
17. Do not answer the phone if caller ID indicates it is your boss and
he is in a time zone in which it might not immediately make sense that
you are completely fucked up.
18. Do not fall asleep on your back, choke on your own vomit and die.
19. Do not make a booty call to that psycho guy who is pretty incredible
in bed but stands you up on a regular basis and is basically not particularly
nice.
20. Do not call that psycho guy who is pretty incredible in bed but
stands you up on a regular basis and say, "Hey, I'm writing a piece called
20 Things Not to Do With Your Phone When You're Drunk . . . and you're
one of them." n°
Former FBI Director Louis Freeh
had much to say [excerpt below] about the Clinton administration's "war
on terror" after the Khobar Towers bombing in 1996. Bookmark
it and use it in your own personal "war on error." I will carry copies
and staple one to the forehead of the next irksome scold who yammers on
about Bush's failure (and that includes you Senator Bob Graham).
"In order to return an indictment and bring these terrorists
to American justice, it became essential that FBI agents be permitted to
interview several of the participating Hezbollah terrorists who were detained
in Saudi Arabia... .
The purpose of the interviews was to confirm -- with usable,
co-conspirator testimonial evidence -- the Iranian complicity that Saudi
Ambassador Prince Bandar bin Sultan and the Mabaheth had already relayed
to us. (For the record, the FBI's investigation only succeeded because
of the real cooperation provided by Prince Bandar and our colleagues in
the Mabaheth.) FBI agents had never before been permitted to interview
firsthand Saudis detained in the kingdom.
"Unfortunately, the White House was unable or unwilling to help the
FBI gain access to these critical witnesses. The only direction from the
Clinton administration regarding Iran was to order the FBI to stop photographing
and fingerprinting official Iranian delegations entering the U.S. because
it was adversely impacting our "relationship" with Tehran. We had argued
that the MOIS was using these groups to infiltrate its agents into the
U.S.
"After months of inaction, I finally turned to the former President
Bush, who immediately interceded with Crown Prince Abdullah on the FBI's
behalf. Mr. Bush personally asked the Saudis to let the FBI do one-on-one
interviews of the detained Khobar bombers. The Saudis immediately acceded.
After Mr. Bush's Saturday meeting with the Crown Prince in Washington,
Ambassador Wyche Fowler, Dale Watson, the FBI's excellent counterterrorism
chief, and I were summoned to a Monday meeting where the crown prince directed
that the FBI be given direct access to the Saudi detainees. This was the
investigative breakthrough for which we had been waiting for several years."
- [Full Article] American Justice
for Our Khobar Heroes, Louis B. Freeh, WSJ May 20, 2003
"One hates to pile on The New York Times these days, but
the national section isn't the only area where the Gray Lady has been remiss.
Last week, under the headline "The China Syndrome," op-ed columnist Paul
Krugman let loose a whopper almost Jaysonesque in its deceit."
Are you kidding? Let's stomp the The New York Times to death while
we have the chance. Anyway, that quote is from an article you will want to read by Richard Morgan in the Brit publication
Deal. Ann Coulter couldn't have said it any better.
Well, maybe just a
little better.
"On Fox News, Saudi "foreign policy adviser" Adel al-Jubairal-Jubair
-- numero uno spin doctor for Crown Prince Abdullah -- was talking about
the "partnership" between Saudi investigators and the FBI. The partnership
is, as it was in the 1996 Khobar Towers investigation, entirely fictional.
While al-Jubair was praising it his boss's Interior Minister, Prince Nayef,
was telling a Riyadh news conference that the Americans were in Saudi Arabia
to "observe" and would not in any way "participate" in the investigation.
"They have come here at their own request, and they are here only for inspection
purposes," Nayef said." - Saudi
Spinout
This guy al-Jubairal-Jubair is even better than Tariq
Aziz. He looks like he's ready to break into tears at the very thought
that we would question Saudi dedication to removing terrorists.
Like a guy said on FNC, just ten minutes ago, "He's a fucking liar.
Throw him out of the country." Okay, the fucking part [indicating extreme angst] is me, but he's right.
El Problemo Grande Now, here's a real conundrum I can't get a handle on.
It's apparent that if we follow through in Iraq, and establish a true democracy,
the Shi'ite fundamentalists will be elected and, almost certainly, install
a theocracy at the first opportunity. What's the answer there?
Anyone? The only thing I can think of is to do Coulter's thing: kill
their leaders and convert the rest to Christianity. I'm open to suggestions
though.
Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following
are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and,
in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:
1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"
5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
6. "Did he kill you?"
7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"
10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"
12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't
you?
A: "I went to Europe, sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"
14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male or female?"
16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?"
A: "Oral."
19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" A: "The
autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."
20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."
21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."
22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." Q: "But could
the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" A: "It is possible that
he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere".
It appears that U.S. treasurer Rosario Marin will be the challenger California
Republicans throw at Barbara Boxer next year. At least she appears
to be the "moderate" the White House is backing. Let me stick my neck out way early.
Boxer will win. Why? Because the "moderate" Republicans the
establishment is so enamored by in Cali are unprincipled losers, willing
to say what they think needs saying instead of what needs doing. They're
little more than watered down Donks. California voters evidently
react by saying, "if we're going to wallow in shit, let's wallow in shit
we're familiar with." Witness Gov. Gray Davis. Idiots. Of course, I will defer to my learned friends who actually have to live under Boxer's heel.
Is the French government taking advice from Sidney Blumenthal? We ask
that question after last week's news that our erstwhile ally has formally
protested to the U.S. government against what it claims is a concerted
"disinformation" campaign against France.
Readers may recall that Mr. Blumenthal was the sharpie who reinforced
Hillary Clinton's belief in what she famously called the "vast right-wing
conspiracy." ...
... Jacques Chirac's government is now in thrall to a similar
victimology that it is being punished by a U.S. government campaign to
spread lies to convince Americans that the French don't like us.
But who needs to lie? It's true that a few silly American politicians
have demagogued against "French fries" and the like. But they are following
public opinion, not leading it. Americans have had more than enough
opportunity to make their own judgments about French friendship in recent
months. To take one example, many Americans probably read that French
Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin declined to answer when he was asked
during the recent war whether he preferred victory by the Americans or
Saddam Hussein. Monsieur de Villepin later said his silence was
misinterpreted.
France's biggest U.S. image problem isn't with politicians; it is with
America's late-night comedians. During the Cold War they told Russian
jokes; now they tell French jokes, and not because John Ashcroft is
ordering them to do it. Americans laugh at these jokes because the
stereotype of France as a truculent but ultimately feckless adversary of
America has sunk deep into the U.S. psyche. The only people who can change
that image are the French themselves.
I'm increasingly bemused by the left's growing
hypocrisy. The same twits who would jail me for eating a turtle egg
on Monday can be found, on Tuesday, protesting any curb on late term baby
killing. The same little peg legged hamster that operates their
drool-powered waterwheel of thought allows them to holler about keeping
government out of the bedroom, but not the wallet - or even the bathroom.
Today I learn from John McCaslin's Inside
the Beltway that Alec Baldwin, so recently outraged over our
ousting of that humanitarian, Saddam Hussein, is distributing a film titled
"Meet Your Meat" (I'm not making this up), on Capitol Hill.
It's a video he narrated for PETA that purports to show violations of the
1958 Humane Slaughter Act. I'll say no more. Well, one more
thing. The Hawk is featuring this delicious plum (PETA
Protests Violations of Animal Privacy By Shamus Young) that puts things
in some perspective.
The Hawk
is always tuned in to the ratbastard left. It's a tough job that
I frankly can't do because the filthy bastards make my skin itch.
Like these
pricks.
This is a screen capture of the TIMES'
new format on my monitor. Note that just ¾ of the page is
utilized. Even with font size set at "Largest," it's difficult to
read. Verdict: it el suckos mundo. I am available to correct
the situation, for a modest fee.
An ultra-thin screen that can display electronic
text while being bent, twisted or even rolled up has been developed by
scientists.
The material stops short of being a true electronic
newspaper since it cannot be folded in half.
But it is the most significant step yet towards
practical e-papers and wearable computer screens.
The screen is only as thick as three human hairs
and displays black text on a whitish-grey background, with a resolution
similar to that of a typical laptop.
It is so flexible it can be rolled into a cylinder
about half an inch wide without losing any image quality.
Yu Chen and colleagues at the E Ink Corporation
in Cambridge, Massachusetts, described the development in the journal Nature.
The screen, which is less than 0.3 millimetres
thick, was made using a foil topped with a thin layer of transistor circuits.
These supply opposing voltages to different areas of an overlying film
of special electronic ink.
The ink consists of millions of tiny capsules
of charge-sensitive black or white pigment. A negative voltage causes the
white particles to move to the surface, while a positive one brings up
the black ones.
The resulting patterns of black or white topped
capsules are what creates the text. - Strange
Cosmos
—
Shi'ite cleric Mohammed Baqir al-Hakim, leader of the Supreme Council for
Islamic Revolution of Iraq, demonstrates an alternative to forbidden camel
dating.
Last Wednesday a jury rejected
a bid by the NAACP black civil rights group to hold 45 gun makers liable
for handgun killings, but said it was undecided on the liability of 23
other manufacturers. Nevermind, the jury's input was only advisory,
and the WSJ
this morning said it expects Liberal presiding Judge Jack Weinstein to
find for the plaintiffs anyway. WTF? Another laugh
is the NAACP's claim that it's not seeking monetary damages, but tougher
restrictions on buyers and sellers of guns and $10 million for funding
gun safety programs. Gee, tougher than New York City's current "You
cannot buy a gun in New York City Period" law? And they want gun safety
programs? Have the dickwads in the NAACP ever heard of the NRA?
Do they know what the NRA is about? Do they care. Hell no².
The NAACP has become just another black run shakedown operation, pure and
simple. If I was one Greasy Mfume's filthy brigands, I reckon
I'd want to make sure my victims were disarmed too. Sheesh.
Backfire
WSJ
Editorial
It's no surprise that Republicans in Congress aren't eager to renew the
ban on certain semiautomatic firearms due to expire next year. What's more
interesting is why Democrats aren't raising much of a fuss about it.
Our suspicion is that the left has learned the hard way that gun control
is a political loser. The first signs came in 1994, after Bill Clinton
successfully urged the Democrat-controlled House and Senate to pass
legislation outlawing 19 types of "assault" weapons. In November of that
year, several Democrats who had supported the ban, including then-House
Speaker Tom Foley of Washington, were voted out of office in the Republican
sweep. Mr. Clinton later said crossing gun owners cost his party more than
20 seats. In 1995, the House voted to repeal the ban, which wouldn't even
have passed without a sunset provision, but the effort died in the
Senate.
Then came the red-state rout of 2000. Democratic political advisers like
Donna Brazile, who managed Al Gore's presidential campaign, have
acknowledged that the gun issue "played a large role" in Mr. Gore losing
several rural states in 2000. Those include his home state of Tennessee,
Arkansas and usually Democratic West Virginia.
This probably explains why a Democratic presidential candidate such as
Representative Dick Gephardt of Missouri, who pushed hard for the gun ban
nine years ago, has been so quiet during the current debate. Most everyone
save the party's urban liberal bloc -- folks like California's Dianne
Feinstein, Michigan's John Conyers, New York's Charles Schumer and Hillary
Clinton -- wants the subject to go away. Otherwise reliable Vermont liberal
Howard Dean is explicit on the point that gun control is a lousy issue for
Democrats.
All of this is progress of a sort. It shows that the original ban was
all about politics, not safety. Keeping assault weapons off the streets was
never the real issue. Proponents knew that all but a small percentage of
crimes involving firearms were committed with guns that wouldn't fall under
the ban. They also knew the ban was easily avoided by making small
adjustments on the guns.
But liberals didn't care about these details because guns were simply a
wedge issue designed to scare suburbanites, and particularly women, into
voting Democrat. Now that elections have repudiated the strategy, the
party's enthusiasm has waned.
The trend in gun regulation is now in a much different direction. The
bill that recently passed the House would shield gun makers from frivolous
lawsuits claiming they're responsible for the criminal misuse of a legal
product. Smith & Wesson, Glock and dozens of others are currently being
sued in federal court in Brooklyn by gun-control activists and trial
lawyers who want to hold them responsible for high homicide rates in poor
black neighborhoods.
A jury rejected that claim last week, but the presiding judge, Jack
Weinstein, has the final say and is expected to find for the plaintiffs.
Republicans want to end this indirect assault on gun rights, and some
Democrats are now realizing it's in their political interest not to get in
the way.
There's also a good lesson here for the business community, and it comes
courtesy of the National Rifle Association's tireless efforts to protect
Second Amendment freedoms. If the Chamber of Commerce or the National
Association of Manufacturers wants to fight off damaging regulation, they'd
better learn to mobilize politically and show they can win elections. In
Washington, political relevance is what matters most.
Since it rained the entire weekend we ended up watching movies instead
of working in mom-in-law's yard. Toni-Abaloni picked a flic named
Evelyn that none of us had heard of. What a shock to the system.
That's because it's impossible to watch Evelyn without having your expectations,
to unfolding screen developments, totally discombobulated by the lack of
cynicism. It's almost as if If James A. FitzPatrick or Frank Capra
were making movies again. Don't get the impression that Evelyn
is spun sugar; it's not. It is based on a true story of an Irish
father, Desmond Doyle (Pierce Brosnan), whose wife leaves him and their
three children, two boys and a daughter named Evelyn. Ireland's
nanny state, with it's close affiliation with the Catholic church, packs
the kids off to church run orphanages. The movie is about Doyle's
extraordinary legal fight to get his kids back. This is a fun movie,
kind of Kramer versus Kramer meets The Bells of St. Mary's.
I give it only ½ BOOGERS®
, and that because Brosnan's singing voice is sub par for any decent pub
singer. But that's a quibble. This is that rarity where adults
and kids will enjoy the same movie. Oh yes, it wasn't made in Hollywood.
Blogger David Hogberg (Corn
Boy) writes in the American Spectator that the frivolous lawsuit is
back - with a vengeance - after taking some time off after 9-11.
He assigns them to these categories:
Insulting Our Intelligence. The premises underlying
such suits require us believe that some people who appear to be alive and
breathing are in fact brain-dead. The early frivolous lawsuits asked us
to believe that some folks were too stupid to realize that smoking could
kill you. Next we had to believe that the public was not adequately warned
that guns could be dangerous. It should come as little surprise that we
are now asked to believe that some people are too dense to realize that
fast and junk food can make you fat. What is astonishing is that we now
have to believe that students behaving badly need not fear the principal's
wrath. As if public schools didn't have enough problems.
Silly Warning Labels. More and more manufacturers add asinine
warning labels -- "Do Not Place This Ladder On A Pile of Leaves"; "Do Not
Tip Over the Vending Machine" -- to shield themselves from legal liability.
One wonders what sort of warning labels the next round of frivolous lawsuits
will produce. Matchbooks will come with large type advising "Do Not Light
Match After Spilling Gasoline on Hands." "Do Not Thrust Pointed End Into
Eye Socket," will be stamped on every knife handle. Eventually, toilet
paper will have to come with instructions.
Last week the North American clone of the filthy Jaques Chirac, Canadian
Prime Minister Jean Chretien, was heard
saying that "Canada is a better country than the United States because
we've got gun control, abortion rights and no death penalty."
Yesterday I was listening to the replay of Fox News Sunday, on C-Span radio,
when Tony Snow responded to the effect that "Chretian thinks Canada
is superior because their killers aren't executed but their children are,
and their citizens can't defend themselves." Beauty.
In his request for the Patriot Act, Bush wanted the
ability to move government employees around as he saw fit. It appears
he moved many of Clinton's hires to the National Institutes of Child
Health and Human Development. Last
week we discussed how this NIH agency had funded a study on what kind
of porn turned women on. Today we
learn it's funding a three-year study to
"provide the most comprehensive picture to date of the sexual behavior
of aging men." I'd have given them the answer for half price:
the sex life of aging men is exactly the same as it always was, except
it's mind over matter. Sheesh.
When the bad guys become the good guys and the other way too
I spend a large percentage of my television
viewing time on channels 269 - 287. These are the various History
and Discovery Channels on Direct TV. I call them the Hitler
Channels, because you can surf through them any time of the day and
usually find W.W.II stuff on one. A while back it struck me that
all this wall to wall documentation of the Third Reich, utilizing every
bit of film stock available - including Nazi stuff, and the liberal use
of interviews with old German soldiers, could only serve to put a human
face on Hitler's little experiment in socialist rule. Kind of what
The
Executioner's Song did for Gary Gilmore. I'm glad to see that
Texas TV stations will
pull the CBS 'Hitler' TV miniseries. Texans have been showing
an extraordinary amount of common sense lately, including executing all
those Democrat lawmakers and throwing their murderers out of office.
Go Cowboys.
Since I'll be away on emergency bidness for the CIA some friends this weekend, I'll leave you with a bunch of jokes, some of them actually new. Remember, these are to be used beginning tomorrow. Thank you.
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always
see right through them
SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging
out.
COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up
TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to
light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - female!... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider,
it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always
know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
A proctologist is at the hospital, doing his morning rounds. After he
checks out this one patient, he goes to the foot of the bed and picks up
his chart. He then reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a rectal
thermometer. "Oh, great", he sighs to himself. "Some asshole has my pen."
The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement:
"We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our
product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has
there
ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France.
Indeed, our mustard in manufactured in Rochester, NY.
The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow".
Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had
two extra
things left over in his bag so he decided to split them between Adam
and Eve.
He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would
allow
the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God
told them,
"and I was wondering if either one of you would like that."
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd
love to
be able to do that. It seems just the sort of thing a man should be
able to
do. Please. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me." On and on he went like
an
excited little boy.
So Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly,
he
should have it.
So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee while standing up
and he
was so excited. He whizzed on the bark of a tree and then went off
to write
his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the while.
God and Eve watched him for a moment, and then God said to Eve,
"Well, here's the other thing, and I guess you can have it."
A man went to his boss's costume party with nothing on but a naked young
woman on his back.
"So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the boss asked.
"I'm a snail," the man replied. "What a load of crap!" his boss spat.
"How can you be a snail when all you've got is that naked young woman on
your back?"
"You've got it wrong," the man replied, "That's Michelle."
40-ish: 48
Adventurer: Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic: Flat-chested
Average looking: Ugly
Beautiful: Pathological liar
Contagious Smile: Bring your penicillin
Educated: College dropout
Emotionally Secure: Medicated
Feminist: Fat; ball buster
Free spirit: Substance user
Friendship first: Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun: Annoying
Gentle: Comatose
Good Listener: Borderline Autistic
New-Age: All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned: Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded: Desperate
Outgoing: Loud
Passionate: Loud
Poet: Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional: Real Witch
Redhead: Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque: Grossly Fat
Romantic: Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous: Very Fat
Weight proportional to height: Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate: One step away from stalking
Widow: Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart: Toothless crone
Seeks financially-solvent male: Gold digger
THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST
40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic: Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated: Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit: Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first: As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun: Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking: Arrogant
Honest: Pathological Liar
Huggable: Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle: Insecure, overly dependent
Mature: Until you get to know him
Open-minded: Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
Physically fit: I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
Poet: Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual: Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
Stable: Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful: Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Independently wealthy: Inherited money from Mommy & Daddy
Seeks long-term Relationship: Drop dead after we sleep together
Likes to talk: Machiavellian, see "honest"
Iconoclast, Independent: Homeless
Bored: Suicidal
Geek: Washed jeans last month
Financially secure: Seeking father/daughter relationship
8" Cock: 4.5"
A farmer was sitting at the table while his wife was preparing dinner.
His wife dropped a spoon and bent over to pick it up. As she bent over
the farmer said, "Honey, your butt is as big as a combine."
The wife picks up the spoon and continues cooking with no comment to
her husband.
As she put the dinner on the table she dropped the pepper shaker on
the floor.
While she was bent over picking it up the farmer said, "Honey I take
that back. Your butt is as big as two combines!"
The wife picks up the pepper, sets it ont he table and begins eating
with no comment to her husband.
Later on that night after the couple had gone to bed the farmer started
feeling a little frisky. As he cuddled up to his wife he noticed that there
was no response on her end. He tapped his wife on the shoulder and asked
her what was wrong.
She replied, "Do you really think that I am going to fire up $300,000
dollars worth of machinery for one little corn cob?"
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked
up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for
my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man, "There is more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every
shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of
this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the
Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"
Now befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple.
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,
and the Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."
UGLY BABYB
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged
daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine
months later delivered healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the
nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the
ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there
was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two
beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked,
"Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled sweetly and
said, "Not this time."
UNWELCOME GUESTS
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door
of a woman who was clearly not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain
terms she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their
faces. To her surprise, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back
open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door
again with the same result‹the door bounced back open. Convinced these
rude people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give
it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am,
before you do that again you need to move your cat."
JUMPED
Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe, "You know, we
could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money together and
buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
Then they travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are
constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble around them. Slowly,
more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished,
there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.
So Al jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back
up Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe
isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back up
again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again Joe misses him. Al
falls again and bounces back up. This time he comes back pretty messed
up‹he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily,
Joe finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord
too long?" Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine.
It was the crowd. What the hell is a piñata?"
HEARING AID
A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling
to spend much money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the clerk. "That
depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2 to $2,000." "Let's see the
$2 model," he said. The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You
just stick this piece of plastic in your ear and run this little string
down into your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" the customer
asked. "For $2, it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people
see it on you, they'll talk louder."
THE SALESMAN
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big store
looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." Well, the boss
liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You can start tomorrow. I'll come
down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was
rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came
down. "How many sales did you make today?" the boss asked. The kid says,
"One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales
a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.64." The boss
says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?" The kid says, "First I
sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I
sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I
asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told
him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department
and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think
his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department
and sold him that 4 x 4 Blazer." The boss said, "A guy came in here to
buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?" The kid says, "No,
he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, "Well,
your weekend's shot‹you might as well go fishing."
HOW MUCH TIME
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete
checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I
have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't
have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have
I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten, what?
Months? Weeks?" The doctor replies, "Nine..."
THAT WOULD SUIT ME
A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going
home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with
the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a
barrage of epithets from his wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and
berating, his wife asked "How would you like it if you didn't see me for
a couple of days?" "That would suit me just fine!" the man said. Monday
went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday went by with the same
result. Wednesday went by with the same result. Thursday, the swelling
went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of
his left eye.
COLLEGE GRAD
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom
and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college
graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't
know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom‹I'll show you how."
SAMPLES
An older man is having a tough time hearing and decides to do something
about it. He makes a doctor appointment and takes his wife along. The doctor
looks the man over and says, "Well, this is a common problem for a man
your age. I'd like to see a urine sample, fecal sample and a sperm sample."
The man can¹t hear the request and turns to his wife to ask what the
doctor said. The wife replies, "Honey, he wants your underwear."
QUICKIE
A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house
for an early afternoon quickie. "Don't worry," he assures her, "my wife
is out of town on a business trip, so there's no risk." As one thing leads
to another, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have
to stop. I forgot to bring birth control!" "No problem," he replies, "I'll
get my wife's diaphragm." After a few minutes of searching, he returns
to the bedroom in a fury. "That witch!" he exclaims. "She took it with
her. I always knew she didn't trust me!"
LOW, LOW PRICES
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for
a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be one cent." "One cent?" exclaims the
guy. The barman says, "Yes." So the guy glances over at the menu, and he
asks, "Could I have a juicy steak with chips, peas and a fried egg?" "Certainly
sir," replies the bartender, "That¹ll be four cents." "Four cents?"
exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman replies,
"Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as I'm doing to his business."
NOVICE FARMER
A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take
up farming. He heads to the local livestock supplier and tells the man,
"Give me 100 baby chickens." The supplier complies. A week later the man
returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The man at the supplier
complies. Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give
me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the supplier replies. "You must really be
doing well!" "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them
too deep or too far apart!"
RERUNS
Q: What do they call reruns of "Hee-Haw" in Mississippi?
A: Documentaries.
LOST INTELLIGENCE
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
SHEEPISH
An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an old Western
town when he noticed a curious lack of women. Walking into the local saloon
he asked a local, "What do you guys do around here for entertainment?"
"You mean women?" asked the local. "We ain't got none around here, so mostly
we have sex with sheep." "That's disgusting," cried the correspondent,
"I've never heard of such moral degradation." However, after a few months,
the correspondent's rocks were beginning to ache and the sheep were looking
more and more attractive. So he finally went out and found himself a comely
sheep, brought her back to his room, shampooed her and then tied ribbons
in her hair. After a bottle of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber
and released his pent-up frustrations. Afterward, he escorted his four-legged
lover to the saloon for a drink. As the correspondent and his wooly mate
entered, a hush fell over the patrons and the anxious couple became the
object of many stares. "You bunch of hypocrites!" the reporter yelled.
"You've been doing it with sheep for years, but when I do it up right you
look at me like I'm some sort of crazy pervert!" One cowboy in the back
of the crowd spoke up, "Yeah, but that's the sheriff's gal!"
FRENCH FLAG
The French have just ordered a new national flag. It's a white cross
on a white background.
THE "F" WORD
Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "f" word?
A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!
NEW FOR MOM
After coming home sad from a date, a young woman told her mother: "Tom
proposed to me tonight." "So, why are you unhappy?" her mother asked. "Because
he told me he's an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell."
"Marry him anyway," her mother said. "Between the two of us, we'll show
him how wrong he is."
DISNEYLAND
Q: Why is there no Disneyland in China?
A: No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
A GREAT JOB
"I found a great job," a man says to his wife. "A 10:00 a.m. start,
a 6:00 p.m. finish, no overtime, no weekends, and it pays $2,000 a week
in cash!" "That's unbelievable," says the wife. "I know," says the husband.
"You start Monday."
JEWISH MOTHER
Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
SECRET CODE
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code" to indicate
that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They
decided on the word "typewriter." One day the husband told his five year
old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The
child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your
daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon
in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy had
said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can
type that letter now." The child told her father, returned to her mother
and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote
the letter by hand."
SHRINKING
A patient says, "Doc, I feel like I'm shrinking." The doctor replies,
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
GOLF NUT
A couple met at a golf resort and fell in love. They were discussing
how they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over.
"It's only fair to warn you, Judy, I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and
breathe golf." "Well, since you're being honest, so will I," she said.
"I'm a hooker." "I see," said Bill as he thought for a moment. "Well, it's
probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the
ball."
ONE ARM
Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other?
A: A speech impediment.
PALMIST
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop
and sit at a palm reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For 15
dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future." Paul
agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see
that you have no girlfriend." "That's true," said Paul. "Oh my goodness,
you are extremely lonely, aren't you?" "Yes," Paul shamefully admitted.
"That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?" "Love line?
No, from the calluses."
POSTAL FLAG
Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
A: They're hiring.
There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about
how their lives sucked.
The cucumber says "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy,
they cut me up and stick me on a salad".
The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When I
get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and
stick me in a jar".
The penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough? When
I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a rubber tarp on my head, stick me
in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and
pass out!"
The Monkey
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and
while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some
sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of
the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement,
somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just
did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything
in sight, the little devil. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey
ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry
on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats
it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls
it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled
it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything
in sight, but ever since he had to sh*t out that cue ball, he measures
everything first."
Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse were spending the night in a hotel
room. Donald wanted to have sex with Minnie.
The first thing Minnie asked was, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said "No."
Minnie told Donald that if he didn't get a condom they could not
have sex.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if
they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said, and pulled one out from under the
counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put that on your bill?"
"No!" Donald yelled. "What kind of a pervert do you think I am?"
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat
one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas
is produced to create the energy of an
atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves
to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached
to its body. The female initiates
sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human
jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer
than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread
the stupidity and send this to someone
you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other
words send it to everyone.
Here's a Fark
story asserting that almost 25% of all accidents are caused by distracted
drivers. The other 75% are caused by old men with white luxury cars and
hats.
And this ...
My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on his forehead.
Greeper was so pleased with the (Verizon) DSL he bought me, that he got it for himself. But guess what? He got them to give it
to him for $29.95/Mo. (normally $39.95), because he also used Verizon's phone service (in N. Virginia). Take note.
I know that most of you read the TIMES.
I also know that most of the ladies only scan for sex words like "endowment
," "flowering," "eating" and "disappointment," so they probably did find
this important
piece about national "amnesia," but you guys need to see it
too, so heads-up!
"Something's eating away at the national memory, and a nation
or a community or a society can suffer as much from the adverse effects
of amnesia as can an individual." - David McCullough
That "something" is "thought police in American
schools", "rotten history textbooks," and "Hillary Clinton."
Okay, I made that last one up, but what have I been telling you all this
time? The same thing, that's what. But now that someone like
David McCullough has weighed in, maybe you'll pay attention and attend
that next PTA meeting, or whatever cutsey name they call it now, and kick
ass for America. Carry on.
Minutemen Relieved: In face of a public backlash, the
University of Massachusetts has backed down on plans to drop the school's
mascot, the Minuteman. Athletic director Ian McCaw was quoted as telling
the Associated Press that the Minuteman logo -- a white guy with a gun
-- not only wasn't cutting it in the lucrative logo market but was plagued
with unfortunate "gender, firearms and ethnicity issues." The Massachusetts
Daily Collegian editorialized against the change, quoting ESPN's Tony Kornheiser:
"Without Minutemen there would be no University of Massachusetts, there
would be the University of England at Amherst." - WSJ
We concede that the new hues (including peach!) tinting the
new notes will indeed make life more difficult for counterfeiters. But
the new colorations also bring the stately greenback disturbingly closer
to its pasteled cousins overseas. - A WSJ Rollover
Certainly the most unctious, if not dishonest 2004 Donk wannabe is John
Kerry. Today we read
that he will not acknowledge his membership in Yale's Skull &
Bones society. Why? Because other smug Liberals, like Slate's
Jacob Weisburg, might ask how he squares "his liberalism with
membership in such an elitist club that refused to admit women."
Kerry would score points with the people who might actually elect him (and
that aint the looney left) if he responded, "Yeah, I was a member.
If you don't like it, eat me." But then, if Kerry was up to doing
that, he wouldn't be running as a Donk in the first place, would he?
If Kerry is 100% Eddie Haskell, Tom DeLay's DNA is pure Bart Simpson.
The Washington Post's male gossip columnist (Lloyd Grove) is
reporting that Tex DeLay walked out on a fundraiser recently.
The manager of Ruth's Chris Steak House told him he couldn't smoke
his after dinner cigar, so he said "Eat me," and left. Walking out
is exactly what every smoker (I am not one) should do in that instance,
so that was good. What was bad is his boorish behavior in between.
When the manager explained that the restaurant was leasing space
in a federal government owned building, which proscribed any smoking, DeLay
turned bully. "I am the federal government," he reportedly argued.
Fie!
I haven't been there in a while, but unless they've
changed policy, Morton's not only offers better meat, but it's de
riguer to smoke a nice cigar - which you can buy on site - with your
brandy. Learn from this Bart, er .. Tom.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview.
The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms
and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last
question:
"How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES""?
The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".
The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to
her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates.
The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end:
"How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"?
She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you
know".
Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and
finally gets asked: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES".
She gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her fingers,
muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm – wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your
calculator please?"
After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally
comes up with the answer: "Thirty two"
The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me, how the hell
did you arrive at this answer?"
To hear her response to the question "How many D's are in Indiana Jones?"
-- Click Indy
Speaking of stupid Donks [see below] NewsMax has a beauty.
A Hollywood group, consisting of the usual air heads, continues to promote
the falsehood
that Bush has the lowest IQ of any U.S. President, and that his cabinet
is no better. They publicly defile them and call them names like "stupid,”
"morons” and "idiots.” Here's
a brief that should dispel those lies (except for the terminal
Donks who need lies to survive). What's new about the NewsMax treatment,
though, is its examination of the background of those doing the loudest
hollering: <snark>.
Barbra Streisand: Completed high school
Career: Singing and acting
Cher: Dropped out of school in 9th grade
Career: Singing and acting
Martin Sheen: Flunked exam to enter University of Dayton
Career: Acting
Jessica Lange: Dropped out of college mid-freshman year
Career: Acting
Alec Baldwin: Dropped out of George Washington U.
Career: Acting
Julia Roberts: Completed high school
Career: Acting
Sean Penn: Completed high school
Career: Acting
Susan Sarandon: Degree in drama from Catholic University of America
in Washington, D.C.
Career: Acting
Ed Asner: Completed high school
Career: Acting
George Clooney: Dropped out of University of Kentucky
Career: Acting
Michael Moore: Dropped out during first year at University of Michigan
Career: Movie director
Mike Farrell: Completed high school
Career: Acting
Janeane Garofalo: Dropped out of college
Career: Stand-up comedy/acting
Speaking of urban legends, will somebody check on the story that Streisand's
ex-hubby, Elliot Gould, wrote that Babs once thought Mt. Rushmore was a
natural pheneomena? We want to be factual here.
Yesterday ABC's "This Week" host George Stephanopoulos appeared
on the Don Imus show, and was asked why he hadn't challenged Carol Moseley
Braun's debate claim that President Bush stole the 2000 election?
After some obligatory Donk quibbling, Stephy basically answered, "Because
Bush did steal the election in Florida." Imus pointed out that
"numerous media organizations failed to turn up compelling evidence that
Gore won more Florida votes than Bush," and Stephy replied that you'd have
to be an idiot to believe that. He cited the votes for Pat Buchanan,
by apparently senile/ultra-stupid Donk voters in Palm Beach County, as
proof. Now, I'm headed off to Paul
Krugman's column to read about this sickening display of partisan lying
by an ABC "Journalist." What's that? Oh, never mind.
[Details
from NewsMax]
The New York Times' Paul Krugman wrote,
"Neil Cavuto of Fox News is an anchor, not a commentator. Yet after Baghdad's
fall he told ‘those who opposed the liberation of Iraq’ -- a large minority
-- that ‘you were sickening then; you are sickening now.’"
First off, Mr. Krugman, let me correct you: I'm a host and a commentator,
just like you no doubt call yourself a journalist and a columnist.
Exactly who's the hypocrite, Mr. Krugman? Me, for expressing my views in
a designated segment at the end of the show? Or you, for not so cleverly
masking your own biases against the war in a cheaply written column?
You're as phony as you are unprofessional.
Let me see if I have this right, Mr. Krugman. Journalists who opposed this
war are OK. Those who support it are not. Says who? You?
Nowhere does it ever occur to you, one can legitimately not agree with
you. That doesn't make me less of a journalist. But, Mr. Krugman, it does
make you more of an ass. Here's the difference: You insinuated it, I just
said it.
Now may I suggest you take your column and shove it?
Yesterday
we talked about how Liberals, always the first to complain about being
stifled because of their political views, are also the first to steal and
destroy the campus newspaper having an opposite view. Yelling "McCarthyism"
at the drop of a hat is another trite habit. Let's continue then, with
this fable of Donk accommodation from Inside
the Beltway.
"Greetings from Snellville, Georgia!" Chuck and Linda
Moseley write to Washington landlord Peter Kelley, whose name is listed
in a directory of apartments on Capitol Hill.
"Our son is a rising senior at the University
of Georgia. He has been chosen as a full-time Intern for [Georgia Republican]
Congressman John Linder beginning Sept. 1, 2003, and ending Dec. 12, 2003.
Please advise availability and any additional information you require.
We will not be able to visit D.C. until after June 5, 2003 due to his classes.
Thank you for your time."
Nice enough letter from the proud parents.
"Hello Moseleys," Mr. Kelley writes back.
"Thank you for contacting us about your son staying at the Loj during his
internship. I'm usually very encouraging of young people doing congressional
internships and staying here while they do them.
"However, I do have to say that as a full-time
employee of an environmental group, and as someone personally quite alarmed
about the direction that Congress and the president are taking with the
environment, I have concerns about Rep. Linder's record.
Donk Kelley goes on to say, " I would not feel right about having someone
stay at our place who was working to advance views such as these, which
I believe amount to abandoning our responsibility to future generations.
And so I must decline your request for a room here."
You kiddies who learned your American history at the hands of yesterday's dope smoking dirtbags are getting some real treats from
today's media. I cannot believe how closely response to this current
war on terrorism parallels 1960's coverage of the Vietnam war, and the
war protest movement. This
latest is almost eerie:
1968
"Who won and who lost in the great Tet offensive against the cities?
I'm not sure. The Vietcong did not win by a knockout, but neither did we.
The referees of history may make it a draw. ... To say that we are closer
to victory today is to believe, in the face of the evidence, the optimists
who have been wrong in the past.... it is increasingly clear to this reporter
that the only rational way out then will be to negotiate, not as victors,
but as an honorable people. This is Walter Cronkite. Good night."
-- CBS EVENING NEWS , Feb 27, 1968
Did not win by a knockout? The Tet offensive is arguably the
greatest battlefield victory in American history, and that includes this
latest Iraq war.
... The Viet Cong were utterly annhialated during Tet,
and NEVER again fought as an organized unit. No matter if,
as some claim, Ho Chi Minh wanted the VC eliminated as a threat to his
absolute authority, it still happened. Yet more than any other person,
Walter Cronkite was responsible for turning military victory into political
defeat, and the nation's support on a dime with that broadcast. He
was able to do it because we trusted the sonofabitch.
Was Cronkite just stupid? I might agree to
the possibility if his every action since then hadn't proved him to be
a willing accomplice of leftist causes, facts and truth be damned.
That is exactly the circumstance Peter Jennings tried to take advantage
of two days ago.
2003
"... al-Qaeda is better organized than the Bush administration
has either believed or said publicly." - Peter Jennings, World
News Tonight, May 13 2003, in response to the Saudi bombings.
I do hope they can save their souls from eternal damnation,
if for no other reason than so those who lost their lives in these conflicts
can beat the shit out of them, if that's allowed in Heaven. And for
the record, the same people who admired the anti-war hippies in the 60's
admire Michael Moore today. And that's the truth."
A proctologist is at the hospital, doing his morning
rounds. After he checks out this one patient, he goes to the foot of the
bed and picks up his chart. He then reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls
out a rectal thermometer. "Oh, great", he sighs to himself. "Some asshole
has my pen."
Here's a guy all Liberals will love. In bloombergesqe fashion, a
San Francisco lawyer has
initiated court proceedings to stop the sale of Oreo cookies in California.
Why? "The stuff that makes the chocolate cookies crisp and their
filling creamy -- is so dangerous children shouldn't eat it."
I'll bet it's also against the law in California to haul this guy Stephen
Joseph down to the beach, bury him up to his neck in the sand, and let
the crabs eat his eyes out. Sheesh!
"Others seem to have been around a for a long time...well at least for
the internet...without getting the credit they deserve. Crooow
Blog, The Daily Rant, Curmudgeonly & Skeptical and Ipse Dixit
all probably fall into this category." - He
who must be believed.
Merrily sent me this
.avi file of a kid throwing a tantrum in a store. The damned
thing is like huge, and since I couldn't find someone else's bandwidth to steal, I had to store it myself. Temporarily. I'll say this for the filthy
French, they do make great commercials. Grab it while you can.
The Atlantic Coast Conferencevoted
yesterday to expand to 12 schools for the 2004-05 season. At this point, the most likely additions are Miami, Syracuse and Boston College.
The reasons to like this new lineup:
It puts a crimp in North Carolina sports writers attempt to only name Duke
and Carolina players to ALL ACC teams.
It destroys the Big East (take that Georgetown).
The ACC will rule football, along with basketball
A reason to hate it:
It looks like home and away games between the TERPS and North Carolina
teams in basketball are history.
"The number of Americans without health insurance coverage
year round is about 10 million to 20 million fewer than the 40 million
estimate often cited, says a Congressional Budget Office report released
this week." TIMES
Will it matter to sky-is-falling Liberals? Nope.
Will they still use the "40 Million" number? Yup. Furthermore,
the vast majority of those uninsured are young adults who think they're
immune from sickness, and roll the dice with a new Camaro over Blue Cross.
This is so basic that you already know it. The only reason I'm posting
it is because, if I don't, you won't know that I'm not going to.
Folks depicted in Sidney Blumenthal's "tell-all"
book, about life in the Clinton White House, are denying they did or
said what Sid says. Of course Blumenthal is a Liberal Donk, and what
does that mean boys and girls? That's right. He's a liar.
Here's just one example
from Emmy Tyrrell:
"After testifying during the Starr investigation in closed
session before a grand jury, he stepped before the media's cameras and
microphones to tell the world that Kenneth Starr's prosecutors had asked
him questions of a shocking and inappropriate nature. Subsequently published
transcripts showed he had lied. The prosecutors had asked him none of the
shocking questions he claimed. He then deceived New York Times columnist
Anthony Lewis into writing that prosecutors had actually asked Blumenthal
such embarrassing questions as "Does the President's religion include sexual
intercourse?" Four months later the grand jury transcripts were made public
and showed that Lewis had published lies."
Liberales are on a rampage. New York's über-Lib, Mayor Bloomberg, is registering
the "lowest approval rating of any mayor in the nation ever polled by Quinnipiac."
Principally, this is because Bloomberg freely invokes the Liberal Manifesto
of, "if it's good for me, then you'll do it too, godammit." In Montgomery
County, MD, the county council
just voted to emulate Bloomberg's smoking ban in all public places,
despite business owner's legitimate fear of border crossing refugees.
In Texas, Democrat legislators are chafing under their new minority status.
Their
solution? They skipped off to Oklahoma so as to deny the necessary
quorum to hold votes on legislation they don't like. Their big brother
Libs in the United States Senate drew the game plan for Texas.
Using arcane rules, they are denying votes on anything, and anybody, they
don't cotton to. Liberals constantly
steal and destroy school papers with views they don't support, and
deny people they don't agree with from speaking at public forums.
Al Qaeda? Sheesh, these people are worse. They destroy the
human spirit and undermine democracy.
Finally, President Kate unveils the
new home for us Slutertarians. A requisite for being named
to the cabinet was submitting a portrait pic. I note that two high ranking
bitches officers ignored that requirement. Evidently
they forgot one thing. As Director of Women's Health, I have
unique access, and my own set of pictures. For now I won't identify
the scofflaws, but you may be able to guess which one this is.
Our National Institutes of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD),
part of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), funded
a study to discover what audiovisual erotica women find sexually arousing.
That's what government does, stupid shit. I think they could have
found out for free. How about it ladies, what kind of porn do you
like, if any?
This morning's revelation
by Bill Gertz, that North Korea fired a laser at U.S. Apache helicopters
patrolling the DMZ, raises two questions.
Is it possible, even with intercession from Jimmy Carter and Colin Powell,
to avoid one final military confrontation with these psychos?
Where in the fuck did North Korea get laser weapons in the first place?
Okay, that last was rhetorical. They got them
from the people who threatened to nuke
our west coast during the Clinton administration - Red China.
But still, lasers?
When I think of Disney I think incompetence. I mean, how many
stocks actually went down during the late 90's, a time when someone's internet Home page would premier on NASDQ at 350? Michael Eisner's Disney did. Now, to go along with Gay day celebrations, and other oh-soooo-PC marketing ploys - like keeping Song of the South off the video market - Disney is backing a man hated by as many people as Bill Clinton.
Actually, they're the same people. Funding Michael Moore's film project,
that will depict President Bush as a modern day Attila the Hun, assures
further boycotts by the very people that made Walt Disney's company rich
-- the American family. Hey Spoons, would you like to be rich beyond
your wildest dreams? Represent us Disney stockholders in a class
action suit against Eisner, Katzenberg, et al, for incompetence and reckless
management. Pricks.
Fun stuff. I just entered my first Photo Shop contest.
If I win, I think I get a Ferrari? Time to mow the lawn. Whoa!
It's 10:35 PM. Sheesh. Maybe Kate is right.
Sen. Bob Graham of Florida was on Face the Nation yesterday, continuing
his ominous charge that President Bush is keeping a Senate report on the origins of 9-11 from being made public.
All this plays to the mindset of the loony left who believe that Bush A)
engineered 9-11 to profit financially, B) will join forces with the Pope
to conquer America.
"This administration has probably been one of the
most secretive administrations in American history. And one of the
areas over which they have thrown a particularly heavy blanket has been
information about terrorism, including terrorism [against] the United States."
Nebraska Sen. Chuck Hagel, also on the show, and the
Committee, responded, "I am not aware of what he is talking about."
Hmmmm. Who to believe? Here are the choices.
Senate Democrats squandered all moral authority during the eight
years they obstructed every attempt to investigate any charge against
the Clinton administration. They are, almost to a "man," famous liars.
Graham's most visible supporter in his conspiracy theory is Michael Moore.
Chuck Hagel is not a Democrat, and is not running against Bush for
president in 2004.
I feel exactly the
same
way. Just yesterday daughter Lulu opined, "We must be the
only family in Maryland without even a single tattoo." At least with
four kids. Three of them boys. I guess that's because we let
our feelings on the subject be known.
A blonde walks into a barber shop wearing a set of headphones.
She sits down in the chair and says I need my hair cut.
The barber starts to cut the right side then stops. He says, "You need
to take off your headphones."
Blonde: "I can't, I'll just die!"
The barber cuts the right side and goes to the left side. He starts
cutting then stops. He says, "You really have to take off your
headphones."
Blonde: "I can't, I'll just die!"
The barber cuts the left side and starts on the back. He starts
cutting then stops again. He says, "Now, you REALLY have to
take off your headphones!"
Blonde: "I can't, I'll just die!"
The barber starts cutting, but then stops. He leans over and grabs
the blonde's headphones and pulls them off. She chokes, then falls
to the ground dead.
The barber picks up the headphones and listens. "Breathe In...
Breathe Out... Breathe In... Breathe Out..."
Actors Ed Asner, Harry Belafonte and Danny Glover
pretty much came out of the closet, commie wise. All three broke
into dance while singing the praise of Fidel Castro. What's that?
Even though he just jailed and executed more dissidents? Yeppir.
When asked
how they could support so ruthless a leader, who has denied free elections,
Asner cut in, “We didn't have a free election in 2002.” If you see
Asner, Glover or Belafonte on the street, you have my permission to beat
them soundly (hey they're old men, even you girls can kick the shit out
of them).
Democrats act badly to polls
showing President Bush beating Hillary Clinton in New York, and winning
California in 2004. Congressman Waxman and Senator Byrd worried
about the cost of landing the president on an aircraft carrier. Even
the Washington
Post recognizes how stupid their hatred is making them look.
Eleanor Rodham Clift, who scribbles for the WP owned Newsweek, is
still stuck in
reverse. Us good guys are all laughing our asses off. Yum
yum.
Last night about 11:00
I remembered that tomorrow [today] was Mother's Day. Yikes. I had
not, at that point, purchased a gift for the mother of my children, and
it's tradition that I bring her breakfast in bed, give her a small gift
and, most important, a card with gushy sentiment on 'Her day.' God
knows she deserves it. There are no stores open that late, of course,
so I slipped out very early this morning. There aren't many places
open at 5:45 A.M. either. Anyway, I ultimately succeeded and
she seemed to be delighted with the gift certificate for a lube and oil
change at Severna Park Exxon. Later today she'll discover the E-Card
I sent her. Whew.
You know the setup: there's a bachelor party for John from
accounting. Just when the booze is starting to flow and everyone's getting
rowdy, in walks an attractive law-enforcement official. She starts to give
the party's honoree a stiff talking-to, and what do you know? Instead of
getting a ticket, the groom gets to eats a banana from between her breasts,
and the best man gets a hummer. A time-honored tradition.
So TWIS can empathize with a group of Israeli partygoers that quite
literally grabbed the wrong end of the stick. This week, an Israeli policeman
responded to complaints about a noisy bachelorette party. Turns out the
rowdy women had ordered a male stripper dressed as a cop. Thinking the
stripper had arrived, they began trying to undress and caress him. The
bewildered copper told reporters that one woman "took off my shirt and
untied my shoelaces," while another "started stroking me and called on
her friends to join in." The officer complained and flashed his police
badge, but the women just thought it was part of the act. Isn't there some
kind of international safe word for these situations?
Reportedly, the policeman was able to extricate himself when his partner
called for reinforcements, and the revelers were fined for trying to induce
the Gaza strip. — Grant
Stoddard
A young guy from Texas moves to California
and goes to a big store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have
any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home
in Texas." Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You can
start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through
it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales
did you make today?" the boss asked. The kid says, "One." The boss says,
"Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day. How much was
the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.64." The boss says, "$101,237.64?
What the hell did you sell?" The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish
hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish
hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was
going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to
need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that
twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would
pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that
4 x 4 Blazer."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish
hook and you sold him a boat and truck?" The kid says, "No, he came in
here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, "Well, your weekend's
shot so you might as well go fishing."
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on
the door of a woman who was clearly not happy to see them. She told them
in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and slammed
the door in their faces. To her surprise, the door did not close and, in
fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it,
and slammed the door again with the same result‹the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared
back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them
said, "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."
Mom, we have the annual hazing tonight and I need a favor. What do you need dear..money? Something to wear? No, I just need a couple of kegs of beer and some shit to fling
at the girls
Buchanan: “I want you to name individuals in this country who
have made political statements criticizing President Bush who have been
put into a penitentiary for five, ten, or twenty-five years like these
dissidents who criticized Castro were put into prison. And is this not
a real slander on your own country to suggest that it behaves in the same
manner as Fidel Castro?”
[Ed 'Mr. Grant'] Asner: “Uh, my country is much more fortunate
so it can’t, it doesn’t have to afford the excesses that Fidel Castro has
to resort to by constantly being embargoed by the United States. ... he
feels the imminent threat of the Bush administration. I don’t regard the
Bush administration as being representative of my country.”
Since I somewhat falsely invoked "Res Ipsa Loquitur," let's
see what
Rita has found? Oh my, Al Gore -- call home immediately!
There seems to be a fly in your shit.
I found something Andrea
Harris will appreciate, I think. Will she find it?.
Aint it cool?
Hmmm, It does come from Berkeley, so it might be a communist plot.
Duckboychanged his name and
decor again, and delinked me to boot. Prick.
Sigh. Anyway, I agree this
is a problem, but one the marketplace will find solutions for.
If you want to get the law involved in regulation, I think violent break-ins
like the one perpetrated on me last night, by an outfit called Total
Velocity (surreptitious installation), and which caused me to resort
to "System Restore" in order to get rid of the surreptitiously installed
TVMD.exe, is deserving of a jack booted solution. Pricks.
Earn one credit hour towards your graduation by reading John Hudock's
examination of 'cultural
communism.'
Benjamin, Adorno, Marcuse, Williams et. al., then began to speculate
on how best to subvert the capitalist society they hated so much.
Willy-nilly, they concluded that capitalism was far more vulnerable at
the cultural than the economic level and that, therefore, the cultural
norms of capitalist society should be attacked. The obliteration
of capitalism's cultural infrastructure would bring down capitalism and
make possible the construction of a Communist society in the West. [No
this is an excerpt, you have to read it all if you want credit.]
Viking Pundit has the
last word in the silly Bush aircraft carrier controversy ginned up
by ever more desperate, but still filthy, Donks.
Well hell, Eric the Viking is another guy whose
links don't go where they ought to this morning, so try
this.
Guess. Where will you find "communities that bar
super-sized retail grocery giants known for paying low wages and luring
customers with bargain prices." Hmmmm? <ANSWER>
I had to go to
New Zealandto learn who really has the world's second
highest oil reserves. I'll bet you dint hear about this either.
Earlier in the week I reported on Limbo's quip about who had more monuments
named after him, Robert Byrd or Saddam Hussein? Check this
North
Georgia Ricky catch.
South Africa
-
A very cultural nation with many modern-day strifes. Infested with crime, disease, and political strife, it faces a constant
uphill struggle.
Positives:
Aiming for Change.
Global Support.
Very Unique Culture.
Negatives:
Crime and Political Strife Rampant.
Under Constant Scrutiny.
Very Hot.
"Buon giorno , I am Silvio Berlusconi, the Prime
Minister of Italy. You have a great President Bush, but my daughter Barbara
is prettier than his daughters. Yours too. Stato conforme?"
Marge: "It doesn't matter what his name is....a rose by any other
name would smell just as sweet!" Bart: "Not if we called him Stench Blossoms."
John W. Whitehead has another point to make about
a letter he received from James Carville, and you can read
it here. For my part, I am intrigued that such a letter could
be sent. I mean, what type of person is responsive to this sort of
appeal?
"Dear Friend, [t]hroughout the eight
years of his presidency, you've been one of President Clinton's most loyal
supporters. And I had the honor of helping to elect the man twice. So we
have much to be proud of."
"I'm proud to have supported Bill Clinton during
the eight years of his presidency and deeply appreciate what he accomplished
for America and the world. Now, I would like to play a personal role in
preserving his legacy and ensuring that it lives on."
"[P]reserving his legacy and ensuring that it
lives on." I guess I am that type person.
I had the most astonishing thought last Thursday. After a long day of
hauling the kids to playdates and ballet, I turned on the news. And there
was the president, landing on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln, stepping
out of a fighter jet in that amazing uniform, looking -- how to put it? --
really hot. Also presidential, of course. Not to mention credible as
commander in chief. But mostly "hot," as in virile, sexy and powerful.
You don't see a lot of that in my neighborhood, the Upper West Side of
Manhattan. ...
(I'm told there's more of it in the "red" states.) I was
mesmerized. I flipped around watching W. land on many channels. I watched
the whole speech, which was fine. But a business suit just doesn't do it
the way a flight suit does. In the course of this I peeked over at my
husband, the banker. He was in his third month of reading a book about the
Six Day War and didn't seem to notice.
Nonetheless, I know that I am not the only one who entertained these
untoward thoughts. The American media were fully aware of how stunning the
president looked last week. And they chose to defuse it by referring
endlessly to the "photo-oppiness" of the event. The man uses overwhelming
military force to vanquish a truly evil foe, facing down balking former
"allies," and he is not taken seriously as a foreign-policy president. He
out top-guns the Hollywood version, and all the media can talk about is the
impending campaign commercial.
With a few exceptions: Brian Williams shook his head in awe at the clip
and said, if I may paraphrase, "that, ladies and gentlemen, is a president
at the pinnacle of success, having just won a war." The New York Post ran
the hot shot on its front page. And Newsweek called it a photo-op but gave
the president what can only be called a centerfold.
Meanwhile David Gergen, arguably as bloodless a creature as has ever
graced too many White Houses and TV shows, actually broke into a grin and
said: "This will set the standard for advance men for years to come."
Advance men? I think it will set a new standard for women voters.
I decided to run a reality check among the soccer moms I spend my days
with. At my daughter's East Side school, my friend Emily, a mother of two
and probably a liberal, examined the picture of the president in his
fly-boy gear that I just happened to have in my purse. She looked
carefully, grinned and said, "He's a hottie. No doubt about it. Really a
hottie. Why haven't I noticed this before? He looks so much better than
Michael Douglas in that movie we saw," comparing the tired, indifferent
megastar of "The American President" to the totally present leader of the
free world.
Alexandra, an unmarried event planner in her 30s, e-mailed: "Hot? SO
HOT!!!!! THAT UNIFORM!" In a more restrained way, my friend Maggie, a
writer/mom, explained: "I think he is actually protecting me and my sons,
and I find that attractive in a man." Suzi, who did her mom time and now
writes biographies, also began with restraint. I asked, casually, what she
thought about President Bush. She answered, carefully, "He's so confident.
He is a very credible, trustworthy leader." "Yeah," I pursue, "but do you
think he's sexy?" "Oh God, yes," she said. "I mean, that swagger. George
Bush in a pair of jeans is a treat to watch." This from a soft-spoken woman
inclined to intellectual pursuits.
Back on the West Side, among the liberals I live surrounded by, there
was dissent. At my younger children's pre-school, comments ranged from
"well he's cute, but not my type" to "I can't think of anything more
revolting." Many of them still cite Bill Clinton and his allegedly
penetrating intellect as more appealing.
Liberals make such a fetish of intellect. But who cares how smart you
are if you can't make a decision and follow through? Mr. Clinton could not
seem to do that with foreign policy, or with Miss Lewinsky. Still, I
concede that having a Republican president with sex appeal is kind of a new
idea. We haven't actually seen one in living memory.
Ronald Reagan was supposedly quite a "swordsman in his youth," as an
older colleague used to remind us at the newspaper where I worked in the
1980s. But as president he was charismatic in a paternal way. He was too
old to be sexy, even when he seemed to win the Cold War single-handedly. As
for Bush pere, despite being tall, athletic and personally impressive, he
was just too preppy to be sexy. As for other Republicans, no amount of
Viagra could help Bob Dole. And, alas, Marilyn Quayle once defended her fit
and handsome husband (my former boss) from scandalous allegations by noting
that "anyone who knows Dan knows that he would much rather play golf than
have sex."
Of course, during the Clinton era I thought it was a great virtue, not
to mention relief, that GOP candidates didn't seem to ooze that
lasciviousness that leaked from every pore of Bill Clinton. Or any
sexuality at all.
Who could avoid reading excessively about the Clinton sexuality? I
recall reading an extended colloquy about hip women having dreams about
sleeping with the president. And then there were all the women who did
sleep with the president. Or whatever. Sex. Not quite sex. Frustrating,
bad, uni-directional sex. (Military strikes to divert us from trials about
lying about sex.) In those years I was (mistakenly) convinced that the
country would elect someone like Phil Gramm just so we could stop thinking
about sex and return to policy.
After all, the era was ushered in by Gennifer Flowers "writing" in
Penthouse about Bill Clinton's prodigious love-making talents and by
free-lance feminist Barbara Ehrenreich telling us that after the dry years
of Reagan-Bush repressive patriarchal oppression, it was a good thing for a
lively new first couple to display their hip sexuality, reminding us how
far the culture had actually come. While there was a spark of truth to that
claim, the spark turned into a forest fire, singeing everything in its way
except, perhaps, the then first lady -- who was universally understood not
to be a beneficiary of her husband's special gifts.
Women in the media were particularly susceptible. Remember Nina
Burleigh, who wrote in Mirabella how she wanted to continue her Air Force
One game of pinochle with the president back at the hotel "and see what
happened"? More specifically, she later said that she would be happy to
provide oral sex to thank him for keeping abortion legal.
This was all, of course, demeaning, degrading, offensive to the high art
of democratic self-governance -- and highly entertaining. And of course the
Bush people can't let their more dignified version of it get out of hand.
After all, we are no longer on the beach enjoying a holiday from history.
History is back with a vengeance, and it is appropriate and correct that we
pay attention to the substance of policy matters. Besides, the thing about
George that makes it hard for anyone's fantasies to run amok is that there
is reason to believe that the only one who is going to know what all this
heat is worth is Laura.
I just finished hearing Sen. Arlen Specter
(R-D PA) tell E.D. Donahey Hill, on Fox and Friends, that senate Republicans
will do THIS
if their filthy Donk colleagues continue riding roughshod over our Constitution.
I can't wait. It could just cause Ralph Neas to stroke out, not that
I wish that would really happen. (Prozac kicking in - but not quite
there).
Los
Angeles Times columnist Robert Scheer is one of the most virulently leftwing
America hating members of today's media, and that' s saying something. David Horowitz
found this
archived beauty that reveals from whence this leftist
snot is coming from.
A delegation of Americans headed
by Eldridge Cleaver arrived in Pyongyang, North Korea, on July 14, 1970.
They were in North Korea at the invitation of the 'Committee for the Peaceful
Unification of the Fatherland. They delivered this signed manifesto.
"Since the peoples of the world have
a common enemy, we must begin to think of revolution as an international
struggle against U.S. imperialism. Our struggle in the U.S. is a genuine
part of the total revolutionary assault on this enemy. Understanding the
Korean people’s struggle, and communicating this to the American movement
is a crucial step in developing this internationalist perspective."
I'm posting this to ruin the day of any lurkers who
have been sniggering and back-slapping at my other posts this morning.
"Anyone who watched the dreary
first 2004 Democratic debate Saturday can see why some Republicans are
dreaming and plotting how President Bush can do what even Ronald Reagan
couldn't do: win all 50 states in 2004," the New York Post's Deborah Orin
writes.
"After all, polls now
show Bush could win California, beat Sen. Hillary Clinton [of] New York,
and whip 2004 wannabes Joe Lieberman (Conn.), and John Edwards (N.C.) and
Bob Graham (Fla.) in their home states," Miss Orin said.
"There's no postwar
poll yet in John Kerry's home state of Massachusetts." - Inside
Politics
A Pennsylvania teacher's aide
has been suspended for a year without pay for wearing a cross pendant in
the classroom. I
am not making this up.
Mrs. Nichol wore a 1¼-inch-long
cross pendant on a chain, and was told it "violates the unit's policy,
as well as the Pennsylvania Public School Code's prohibition against school
employees wearing religious garb and insignia."
The law dates to 1895.
I'll have to check, but I think there's superseding law that says it's
okay to find the people responsible, and tar and feather them before ripping
their lungs out and feeding them to the pigs. And then piss on their
carcasses. Whoops. Time for my Prozac. Sorry.
"A white guy in homespun, with tricorn
hat and shootin' iron is making people nervous."
Poor U MASS. First, they find themselves
in Massachusetts, kind of a Berkeley, only bigger. Second, they changed
their school mascot from REDMEN to MINUTEMEN because, well it seemed safe
and sensitive. There aren't many rabble rousing minutemen around.
But wait!
"Well, the Minuteman is a male. There
is the gender issue, and the ethnicity. Some have brought up the appropriateness
of firearms." [I'm
not making this up]
Yup, it appears poor UMASS may have
to change mascots again. They're considering "Gray Wolves."
Bad choice. Wolves eat meat, so how long before PETA people start
running around Amherst all naked and scaring crap out of people?
No, I suggest "VEGGIE BURGERS." It just seems right.
The TIMES is reporting
that "Between 1970 and 2000, the share of black immigrants among the nation's
black population grew from 1.3 percent to 7.8 percent. Two-thirds of all
African immigrants currently in the United States arrived after 1980."
This is causing big problems for the nation's black leaders. Huh?
"Black politicians ... haven't been able to get [black immigrants]
to buy into what white America is all about, about what white privilege
is," said William Spriggs, executive director of the National Urban League
Institute for Opportunity and Equality.
They don't want to be called "Black." They don't
buy into the idea that whitey is trying to keep them down. They don't
subscribe to the notion that America is racist. They won't be victims.
As a result, "African-born residents in the United States are better-educated
and have among the highest per-capita incomes of any immigrant group."
Imagine. That black leaders see this
success as a problem speaks volumes. It may even br worse for overseers
of the black plantation that Democrats have unwittingly, or in some cases
purposely, created. Some of them might even vote Republican.
Egad.
MUSLIM groups are demanding an apology from "X2" director Bryan Singer
over what they perceive as "anti-Islamic propaganda" in the blockbuster
flick. Why?
"Within the first five minutes of
'X2,' an evil villain, 'Colonel William Stryker,' is in the White House
signing a document," Ali declares. "As he signs, he is shown wearing a
ring featuring the Arabic symbol for 'Allah.' - Page
6
If they don't watch out, Muslims will get a reputation
for being goofier than Scientoligists.
American Women to Kerry: We Don't Think You're So Hot Either
The other
goddess weighs in on that French guy. Here's some snippery:
"Kerry has been aggressively
brandishing his military service with the bristling connotation that if
you didn't fight, you can't quarrel with him on war and peace. Kerry got
into a catfight with former Vermont governor Howard Dean during the Democrats'
first presidential debate in South Carolina last weekend. The high point
was when Kerry snarled at Dean, "I don't need any lectures in courage from
Howard Dean." If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about
serving in Vietnam – oh wait, he does. <snip>
"As long as we're going to get
self-righteous, why is John Kerry allowed to have an opinion about taxes?
He has spent his entire life marrying a succession of heiresses and living
off the fortunes amassed by other men. It must be the luck of the pseudo-Irish.
How can Kerry claim to understand the anguish of people who pay high taxes?
What does this pompous, whining, morally superior, mincing habitue of Boston
drawing rooms know about confiscatory taxes on hard-earned money? (Not
that his nuptial path to wealth is not also hard-earned.)
"If Kerry doesn't need to be
lectured on the military by Howard Dean, do the rest of us need to be lectured
by this sponge on how much we should be willing to pay in taxes? What is
this male Anna Nicole Smith's expertise in average people paying taxes?
I don't have a rich wife supporting me. And I don't look French."
This
reminds me of an old girlfriend. She was an artist attending what
was then Towson State Teachers College (now Towson State), and confided
to me that she was earning extra money by posing nude in her art class.
I freaked. Would today, too.
It looks like we
found what the skanks on the left have been hollering about.
Will it shut them up? Of course not. These are the people who
required a dress splattered with Clinton's semen before finally acknowledging
that ... Ken Starr was out to get Bill. Here's a sample
of their mindset [courtesy of the
Baron]. They checked their morals at the door several years ago,
and someone stole them.
As near as I can remember, the
real slide began after Bush the Elder buckled to the Shrill Class
Who Never Shut the Fuck Up, and ordered his Feds to retry the cops who
beat Rodney "Psycho" King [whilst being videotaped]. Remember,
they had been acquitted by a jury of their peers in state court, so the
same people who applauded O.J. Simpson's acquittal tried to burn down L.A.
As a political sop, Bush said "do again."
Now Terry Nichols,
of Oklahoma bombing fame, will be tried a second time - in state court
this go around - for the same offense that earned him a life sentence in
Federal court. WTF? This judicial Ping-Pong game betwixt state
and federal courts seems unconstitutional to this poor shlub (who learned
about Double Jeopardy in the second grade). Can someone splain
this to me?
In the same vein, Mr. du Toit wonders
[Almost Guilty]
how it is that Pete Townsend can be found innocent of child
porn charges, but still get placed on a "watch list" of child pornographers?
Finally, this essay [Being
Grownups] from duToit is First Class. I'm not kidding.
I just want y'all to know that Gary
Hart was lurking on this site for several days before joining Jim Wright
in deciding not to run for President. I'd like to think it's because
I showed Gary the error of his ways, and he didn't have the stomach to
hang with filthy donks any more. Yeah, that's it.
I admire people who stick their necks out, and Chiquita
Nikita has certainly done that. (His links don't work, so I'm referring to his post for Monday, May 05, 2003).
BTW, I don't really disagree
with his prognostication. Now, if he could only explain Bob Ehrlich
to me. Sheesh.
A plane with 4 passengers is about
to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger said, "I'm Kobe Bryant,
the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, I can't afford to die.."
So he took the first parachute and left the plane.
The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said,
"I am the wife of the former President of the United States; I am the most
ambitious woman in the world. I am also a New York Senator, a potential
future President and, above all, the smartest woman in the world." She
grabbed the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, Rev. Billy Graham, says
to the fourth passenger, a 10 year-old school boy, "I am old and I don't
have many years left. As a Christian I will sacrifice my life and let you
have the last parachute." The boy said, "It's ok; there's still a parachute
left for you. America's smartest woman took my school backpack."
This
is so funny. Ben Fritz is a typically myopic, insulated and deranged
Donk who sees shit on his underpants and is sure somebody put it there.
Beauty.
My my my. Lets see if Peter and Dan spend as much time clucking
about this
as they have on Bennet's (legal) gambling. I know, but I was being
rhetorical.
"It's hard for me to see what he did wrong. .. Gambling is
not a sin, it's not illegal. He didn't condemn it and then contradict himself.
He didn't hurt anyone. He didn't lie about it, he didn't try to hide it.
... He doesn't think he's a saint and he doesn't pretend to be."Now he
has admitted it's excessive and sets a bad example of indulgence and said
his gambling days are over."
- Former New York Gov. Mario Cuomo in the New York Times, via Greg
Pierce.
"The second-to-last
line of this past Sunday's
"Doonesbury" has to be read to be believed and even then I fear readers
will accuse me of making it up: "You are all jingoistic self-regarding
conquer-monkeys!" The full eight panel cartoon was a mini sermon -- in
French -- chiding American readers for the weeks-old controversy over "freedom"
fries. I hereby nominate it as the worst single cartoon in the history
of the strip." - Jeremy
Lott, Like
''Doonesbury,'' But Funny
Lott has more examples of cartoonpuke,
but he offers Chris Muir's Day
By Day for those who like their satire funny. Get ready for the
coming Donk whine about inequites in the political cartoon business.
There was a time when this
attitude would have initiated a serious road trip to New England.
Shudder. But the more I think about it, the more I think the Bitches
have just been toying with us old guys all along. In fact, I wouldn't
be surprised to discover they are really posting from a women's prison,
or a convent. It's been great fun though, but sadly the leader Bitches
are about to be paroled, or take vows, or whatever. I guess it's
about over. I think Bitter Bitch should team up with Sister
Chica in San Diego.
BTW, for those of you who
think Animal House was the greatest movie ever made, THIS
is fun.
"Top 10...Excuses for
Not Finding Weapons
of Mass Destruction"
From the May 6 Late Show with David
Letterman, the "Top Ten President Bush Excuses for Not Finding Weapons
of Mass Destruction." Late Show Web site: www.cbs.com
10. "We've only looked through 99% of
the country"
9. "We spent entire budget making those playing
cards"
8. "Containers are labeled in some crazy
language"
7. "They must have been stolen by some of
them evil X-Men mutants"
6. "Did I say Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?
I meant they have goats"
5. "How are we supposed to find weapons of
mass destruction when we can't even find Cheney?"
4. "Still screwed up because of Daylight
Savings Time"
3. "When you're trying to find something,
it's always in the last place you look, am I right, people?"
Dennis
Miller Delivers Jibes at Clinton
&
Anti-War Protesters
"If Clinton had only attacked
terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem."
On anti-Bush protesters and
how well the war went: "What's so touching is the way we fight the war
right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on
a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock
and aw shucks campaign."
A fresh round of zingers on Tuesday's Tonight Show from Dennis Miller, the actor/comedian who has honed a shtick around praising President Bush and mocking leftist anti-war protesters.
Amongst Miller's cracks on the May 6 Tonight Show with Jay Leno on NBC: "If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem."
Miller also offered praise for the performance of the U.S. military, mocking those still complaining about the war: "Hey, it couldn't have gone any better, okay. We were killing suicide bombers. You know how fast you're moving when a guy -- the only thing he wants to do in life is kill himself -- and you beat him to it?" Those jibes in full context and some other of his funnier remarks that I took down:
-- On anti-Bush protesters and how well the war went: "What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign. "But on the home front the war protesters won't ever give it up to Bush, they just hate Bush and they're never going to give it up to him. First it was the war itself and then the war plan, then the war financing, then the UN, then the second UN, then they started whining about the looting and the museum and where are the weapons of mass destruction. Hey, it couldn't have gone any better, okay. We were killing suicide bombers. You know how fast you're moving when a guy -- the only thing he wants to do in life is kill himself -- and you beat him to it?"
-- On anti-Bush Democrats: "The Democrats continue to snipe at Bush. They'll never give it up to him. You know Teddy Kennedy and Tom Daschle pick more nits than a father and son spider monkey team who know they're being followed by a National Geographic film crew."
-- Picking up on Bill Clinton's comments during his 60 Minutes segments with Bob Dole: "If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem. You know something Bill, if you were any more low rent you'd be a Spring Break destination."
-- Including one U.S. city as a potential military target: "Once we take Damascus, simultaneously we bomb the reactor in North Korea, then you take Tehran, you take Saudi Arabia, you take Berkeley, California."
-- On whether finding weapons of mass destruction matters: "Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again."
Recent CyberAlert items on Miller:
-- April 22 CyberAlert. When liberal author/professor Michael Eric Dyson complained on HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher on Friday night about how President Bush went to war in a crusade of Christianity over Islam as evidenced by how Bush "bows his head to God and prays to God," actor/comedian Dennis Miller fired back with an anti-Clinton quip: "At least he's not bowing his head to watch..." See: www.mediaresearch.org
-- April 11 CyberAlert. Repeating many of the same lines he's used in recent Tonight Show appearances, on Thursday's Today actor/comedian Dennis Miller touted that "I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess." Miller, on to plug a Saturday night HBO special, declared: "I'm a huge fan of the President's." He also delivered a series of anti-French zingers: "See to me we move the furniture, the French come in later and put the doilies on top of it..." See: www.mediaresearch.org
-- April 4 CyberAlert, on his last Tonight Show spot. Another round of pro-American patriotism, pro-President Bush and anti- liberal jibes, jests and slams from actor/comedian Dennis Miller on Thursday's Tonight Show with Jay Leno, including a nice zinger at Peter Arnett: "How am I supposed to trust the honesty of a reporter that has that bad of a comb-over on top of his head?...Hey guess what Pete? We know you're bald, okay? The outside of your skull is as empty as the inside." For more and a picture of Miller on the Tonight Show: www.mediaresearch.org
-- February 26 CyberAlert. Dennis Miller delivered some anti- liberal jibes on Tuesday's Tonight Show. Miller suggested Hussein's debate offer could "flush him out" so we can kill him and suggested: "If you're in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign saying that 'Bush is Hitler,' forget the peace thing for a second and beat his ass." See: www.mediaresearch.org
This is
so fucking rich I can't stand it. Donks in general, and Henry Waxman
in particular, did everything
in their power to derail any congressional investigation into very
serious allegations about the Clinton-Gore campaign trading access and technology
- to a hostile foreign government - for cash. Now, Democrats in the House
led by Rep. Henry Waxman have asked
the GAO to investigate the costs incurred by the Bush administration
to pull off the presidential address on the USS Abraham Lincoln last Thursday.
I'll have to check, but I think bashing in the brains of a sitting congressman
may be illegal. It might be okay in the case of ABC news assholes though. That's okay, if they keep this up, a 60 seat
Senate majority for the anti-Donks is quite doable in '04.
NewsMax has an intriguing
story about Sen. Bob Graham, who announced his Prez run just yesterday.
The conjecture is that Graham has classified information, gained through his
position on the Senate Intelligence Committee, that proves Dubyah knew
about, and could have prevented, the Sept. 11 attacks.
Let's speculate together. Is his "proof" in the nature of the many
opportunities the Clinton administration had to prevent 9-11, and didn't?
That kind of shit? Or stuff like
this, from CBS? Or is it the kind where someone called Bush on
the phone and said, "Mr. President, there are these guys who will be
getting on planes in Boston tomorrow ...," and Bush said, "Good,
this will be my chance to get Iraq's oil and become a great President."
Or, is it in the nature of charges that FDR allowed Pearl Harbor, and used
it as a galvanizing agent to drag a reluctant nation into the W.W.II fray?
No matter what it is, the Donk house organs (New York Times, et.al.) will
try to drive it like a tank, except this go around there are some independent
bazookas. It all boils down to this. Donks are famous liars.
Bush, so far, has earned our respect. Tough decision, aint it?
Robin Rori changes her skin more often than Jame 'Buffalo
Bill' Gumb, and while I'm not as enthused about her current design as
some, One Girl's Life continues
to be on the cutting edge. For instance, I wantneed must find out how she does those pop-up dealies.
How come girls seem to be so good at this stuff? Look at Andrea
Harris, or Venomous Kate.
Great content and outstanding design, with lots of techno-marvels.
I would steal their minds.
I received this from Paul & Julie Dimke. Snopes.com
verifies that the names, etc. are true, and that it likely happened.
It's quite touching.
This touching letter from a gentleman in Mobile, Alabama
I want to tell you of an experience I
had last night flying home from Atlanta. The pilot came on the
intercom and went through the usual announcements telling us that
"we're just east of Montgomery cruising at 28,000 feet" and
"you've picked a beautiful night for flying, just look at the
gorgeous southern sunset out of the right side of the plane". He then, however, said this:
"Please bear with me as I deviate from the script, but I want you all to know that simply by coincidence you have been granted both the privilege and honor of escorting the body of Army
PFC Howard Johnson, Jr. home tonight. PFC Johnson was killed in Iraq defending the freedoms we all enjoy, and
fighting to extend those freedoms to the people of Iraq. We
are also accompanied by PFC Johnson's cousin, Marine Major Talley, who has been chosen by the family to escort PFC Johnson home. Semper Fi!"
The plane quickly became very quiet,
but soon erupted in thunderous applause that lasted for several minutes.
It was quite moving, to say the least. As I sat there thinking about
what the pilot had said, and visualizing PFC Johnson's dead
body riding below me in the belly of that plane, I noticed a
couple of things. Two rows in front of me sat a father holding his
daughter , an infant, and they were practicing "ma-ma" and
in the row behind me was another young boy, probably 2 or so,
learning to count to 10. Now obviously both are too young to realize
we're at war, or that one of our dead was with us, but it made
me think, and this is the point: These warriors, mostly young,
all volunteers, everyday are prepared to give their lives for our
future, for a safer, more secure future for people they don't even know, all based on the principle
that fighting and dying for this country is worth it. You all
know and agree with this, but not everyone does, so I would ask
that if you meet anyone that's not "onboard" with this philosophy,
i.e. the protesters to which Bob* refers, that you "correct
the situation".
By the way, the flight ended with all
of us deplaning only to line the windows of the gate house to watch
PFC Johnson's body, draped in the American flag, be rolled out of
the plane and into a waiting hearse that was surrounded
by his family members.
Please pray that our soldiers' sight is
acute, their aim is true, and that as many come home as God can spare.
I'm listening to Bob Graham announce his candicacy for Prez. It took
him 2 minutes and 12 seconds to tell his first whopper of a lie.
" President Bush took office during a time of unbridled economic
prosperity"
Gee Bob, I think we were in a deep recession when he
took office. Gee Bob, my stock portfoliop had lost 50% of it's value
by the time Bush took office, how about yours? Gee Bob, I think you
are a liar.
Of course this underscores the reason for Donk angst
over the success of FOX NEWS and conservative talk radio. In 1990,
Clintoids were able to get away with the Big Lie ("Worst Economy
in 50 years") because the broadcast television networks played along.
That crap won't stick to the wall anymore, so Graham, and the other 8 Donks,
are pulling their puds. Nyuk nyuk.
A regular reader just called me a jerk in an e-mail. Why? Because
his new girlfriend was offended by a picture
of a boy looking up a girl's skirt on this site, which link she found on
his blog. Sounds pretty Mickey Mouse to me. Must be a joke.
Two inventors in Dallas are arousing interest with their new product:
An electronic device that is supposed to cut in half the time it takes
for a woman to have an orgasm. This, and much more from the
head Slutertarian.
In his new book, "The
Clinton Wars," Sidney
Blumenthal says that Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist
was "chilly" toward Clinton during his second inauguration in January 1997.
"[Rehnquist] was grim while swearing
in Clinton to his second term [as opposed to his normal knee-slapping
jocularity], with Hillary [Clinton] holding the Bible. Now Rehnquist
turned to speak to him. 'Good luck,' he said. 'You'll need it.'
'They're going to screw you on the Paula Jones
case,' Hillary said.
The President waved to the crowd."
Do you see Sidney anywhere in
this photograph of the swearing in ceremony? No? Then how does
he know this exchange occured? What's that? Hillary or Bill
told him? Oh, in that case we can take it to the bank. Yes, you,
over there in the corner? Blumenthal is making it up?
Golly, do you think Blumenthal
would lie?
Few have made more noise about
wanting more campaign finance restrictions than famous donk hypocrite,
Chucky "machine gun" Schumer. So, wouldn't you think that the
revelation
of his huge fine - one of the largest ever levied by the Federal
Election Commission - for failing to observe the current law,
would find its way into the mainstream news? Search Google
News, and see the answer.
"transcripts released on Monday add another layer of tarnish to his place
in history."
"files won't provide fodder for any revisionists arguing McCarthy was right."
"blah fucking blah."
Here's the deal. Arguably the best scholar on the subject of soviet
spies - in circa 1940-1950's United States - is historian Allen Weinstein
(Perjury:the
Hiss-Chambers case, and The
Haunted Wood: Soviet Espionage in America- -The Stalin Era .
After having a crack at the KGB archives [Haunted Wood], Weinstein concluded
that, while Russian communist infiltration of the American government was
extensive, by the time Joe McCarthy got around to it the threat had waned.
I know Weinstein as a teacher and occasional e-mail
correspondent. I hold no person in higher regard, but isn't it fair
to ask, while still agreeing with Prof. Weinstein's conclusion, just how
in hell was McCarthy supposed to know, in 1951, that they had reached their "high water
mark" in the 1940's? Were there 150 communists in the State Dept.?
You betchum - the final figure was in excess of 900, as I recall.
And, even though McCarthy had nothing to do with the Hollywood panel, were
the so called Hollywood Ten actually communists? Listen up
Nick Nolte; you
betchum. Was Joe McCarthy a saint? Hardly. He was
a grandstander, and later a fall-down drunk. As for grandstanding,
lets talk Chuck Schumer. As for drunks, let's talk Ted Kennedy.
I know one thing. Nobody complained more about McCarthy than did
the communists and their ample number of media admirers. Probably still do.
"Even Lamb's co-workers find it funny that he still can get worked
up over a couple of callers" ... without the ratings gauge, Lamb judges
C-SPAN's success "by how many phone calls they take per hour" -
C-SPAN
remains a reliable source thanks to founder's fair approach, by
Aaron Barnhart.
Don't get me wrong, I think Brian Lamb has given us
a valuable resource in C-Span, and I once joined thousands of others who
wrote to tell him so. Still....
I no longer keep C-Span as my "Home Channel," the
way I used to. It used to be C-Span's practice to have just two phone
numbers, and callers were put on the air first come, first served.
The tone and tenor of the callers was a real bellwether of actual public
opinion on any given issue. That changed early in the Clinton administration.
I remember that a Seattle based union had organized a boiler room effort
to combat the beating Clinton's 'health care' program was taking.
Despite using high speed dialers, etc., the union was unable to get through
enough to dominate the response. What do Democrats do when they are
thwarted by the rules? All together: They complain that the Right
Wing is unfairly dominating the debate, and must be stopped. Shortly
after, Lamb went to three lines - Republican, Democrat, and Independent
- with predictable results.
Brian Lamb: "Go ahead caller on the Republican line."
Caller: " I just want your guest to know that used to be a conservative
Republican, but I'm so ashamed of the viscous lies being told about President
Clinton that I will never ..."
Plus, C-Span has ceased to be an accurate measure
of public opinion. A pool of 50 Democrat callers will alternate with
a pool of 10 million Republican viewpoints under the new system (and vice
versa). I was disappointed in that cave-in, for whatever reason it
was made, and drifted away.
Judge, as one of the few Ninth Circuit judges not deemed
certifiably insane, have you ever considered poisoning the office water
cooler?
He doesn't, but it still makes good reading, especially
since Kleinfeld's confirmation would be filibustered by donks in today's
Senate. You know, the more I think about it, the more Spoons, et
al, are
right.
The Prowler is reporting that a widening lack of interest in him
may cause He Who Must Be Kicked in the Ass to push Hillary into
a premature attmept at The Third Terror. Why? In order
to give him the public presence he needs to live. As it is,
he has become the Great Irrelevancy, on top of The Great
Clapper-clawed Fap-dragon. Have
fun.
I
am forced to present this
item from Greg Pierce in its entirity.
Terry McAuliffe, chairman of the Democratic National Committee,
argued yesterday that his party actually has been stronger on defense than
the Republicans. "If you look at President Clinton, if you
look at the Longbow Hellfire missile that was developed, which was very
successful in Iraq, under President Clinton," Mr. McAuliffe said on ABC's
"This Week." "President Clinton added $112 billion,
the longest sustained military buildup we had seen since the Cold War.
Bill Clinton raised the pay of our military personnel, the first time in
a decade. Bush-Quayle-Cheney, as you know, cut defense spending by $55
billion." Show host George Stephanopoulos asked Sen.
Lindsey Graham, South Carolina Republican, why he was smiling. "Well, it's a great sound bite, but I love
this matchup. Who do you like best as commander in chief, Bill Clinton
or George W. Bush?"
Right Terry, that's why George Bush was left with
a nearly depleted arsenal of smart weapons. Even after the post 9-11 military beef-up, total defense spending is a mere 3% of GDP, the lowest
since cows lived in the kitchen. Sheesh.
The real reason Mother Superior and I were away for
the weekend was so she could attend her school reunion. Her classmates
all looked older, but she hasn't changed. See what a flirt she was?
How could I resist?
Regarding my poll (right column), some
have indicated (two via e-mail), including the estimable Spoony,
that it matters "who overthrew the government." No it doesn't.
Anybody who overthrows a constutionally elected United States government,
even one as bad as the Clinton Terror, or the Carter Incompetency, is an
enemy of the United States. What am I missing? BTW, the
reason I'm interested in your answers is this.
The Democrat Underground types (many
of whom have been leaving droppings on this blog) continue selling the
conceit that Geoerge Bush siezed power extra constitutionally with the
aid of a rogue SCOTUS. If my poll results mean anything, then you
agree with me that direct and overt action to remove the interlopers is
called for - no, demanded! That leaves us with the following possibilities
to choose from when examining the sterile response from the filthy left.
In the movie Red Dawn, they were the people shot in scene III after
trying to reason with the ratbastard commies.
The don't really believe what they're saying, but dividing the nation is
worth it if they can put a donk if office.
They are insanely embittered that they put a sociopathic president
into office, were then forced to endure 8 years of daily reminders of their
moral incapacity, and are now if full revenge mode.
They only read the New York Times and watch broadcast channel news,
and are thus ignorant victims of a massive, decades old, misinformation
campaign.
I'm ready to go, but
guess who isn't? Anyway, it gives me time to clear some of my sticky
post reminders. Like
this from She Who Must Be Read, on the subject of whiny donks and Mesopotamian
pottery [and don't pretend you don't feel the same way].
"Now the biggest mishap liberals can seize on is that some
figurines from an Iraqi museum were broken – a relief to college students
everywhere who have ever been forced to gaze upon Mesopotamian pottery.
We're not talking about Rodins here. So the Iraqis looted. Oh well. Wars
are messy. Liberalism is part of a religious disorder that demands a belief
that life is controllable.
"At least we finally got liberals on the record against looting. It
seems the looting in Iraq compared unfavorably with the 'rebellion' in
Los Angeles after the Rodney King verdict. When 'rebels' in Los Angeles
began looting, liberals said it was a sign of frustration – they were poor
and hungry. As someone noted at the time, apparently they were thirsty
as well, since they hit a lot of liquor stores. Meanwhile, the Iraqis were
pretty careful about targeting the precise source of their oppression.
Their looting concentrated on Saddam's palace, official government buildings
– and the French cultural center."
Since my passion is running, I will be away this weekend to compete
in the Gloucester, VA marathon, or something like that.
The last time I took a few days off, I lost exactly one half my audience
and never recovered. Pricks. Anyway, for those of you who stick
around, here's an updated Something Funny. But, only read
half tomorrow, and half Sunday.
Something
Funny
Why Firetrucks Are Red... You see, my friend, it all has to do with tht number "two", because
two times two is four, and four plus two is six, and six times two is twelve.
Now, there's twelve inches in a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler.
In fact, there's a ship named the "Queen Elizabeth". And we all know that
ships sail in the sea, and fish live in the sea, and fish have fins, and
all that great stuff. Now, Fins are from Finland, a land that was once
attacked by Russians. Russians are often represented by the color red.
And firetrucks are always rushin', so that's why they are painted red.
English Is Hard
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Men Jokes 1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take
to do the dishes?
Both of them.
2. Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
3. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
4. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop and ask for directions.
5. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
6. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
7. Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
8. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.
9. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good
looking?
They already have boyfriends.
10. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
11. When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
12. Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
13. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
14. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
15. Man says to God:; "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
"YOU DA MAN!" TEST
In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've
both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
B. Your blood test results
C. Five tequila slammers
You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss Sports Center
Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing to which your wife/girlfriend would agree.
C. Not the sort of thing about which your wife/girlfriend need ever
to find out.
Spending the whole night cuddling a woman with whom you've just had
sex is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extr
A.
Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You
tell her that it is:
A. No concern to you.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A Moron.
Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at
the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population: YOU."
A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with the intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Should never have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
EVALUATING RESULTS: If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your
pants to make sure you ARE a man!!
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a
little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"
Trivia
Houdini trained his dog to escape from a pair of miniature handcuffs.
A moth has no stomach.
The Roman word for "secretary" meant "one who keeps a secret."
There is a mineral called cummingtonite.
The first recorded car theft was in 1896, just 10 years after the introduction
of the gas-powered engine.
Scotland exports sand to Saudi Arabia.
A person weighing 150 pounds on Earth would weigh two tons on the sun.
A 16th century English law allowed men to beat their wives‹but only
before 10 p.m.
There are 898 steps in the Washington Monument.
It is estimated that there are nearly a half million sauna baths in
Finland.
Parus caeruleus is the scientific name for the bird called the Blue
Tit.
Every year, Americans dispose of 1.6 billion pens.
Cats spend more than half of their lives asleep.
The average soldier of World War II was three-quarters of an inch taller
than the average soldier of World War I.
There are 15,000 Hooters Girls working in 335 Hooters restaurants in
43 U.S. states and 10 countries.
Around the world, nine Viagra tablets are dispensed every second.
FROM DribbleGlass.com
Military Quotes
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
-Paul Rodriguez
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of
your unit"
-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
"Aim towards the Enemy"
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
-U.S. Marine Corps
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always
hit the ground."
-U.S. Air Force
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
-Infantry Journal
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed."
-U.S. Air Force Manual
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered
automatic weapons."
-Gen. MacArthur
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
-Infantry Journal
"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
"Tracers work both ways"
-U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
-Infantry Journal
"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer
to do anything."
-U. S Navy Swabbie
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
-David Hackworth
"If your attack is going too well, your walking into an ambush."
-Infantry Journal
"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."
-Joe Gay
"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
-Anon
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
-Unknown Marine Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
-Your Buddies
Anagrams
GEORGE BUSH
HE BUGS GORE
DORMITORY
DIRTY ROOM
EVANGELIST
EVIL'S AGENT
PRESBYTERIAN
BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY
IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS
ALAS! NO MORE Z ' S
A DECIMAL POINT
I ' M A DOT IN PLACE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO
TWELVE PLUS ONE
Marriage The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright
as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her
father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images
would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church,
the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said. "Is that when mommy came to work for us?"
LITTLE TONY, PHILOSOPHER
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little TONY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away
with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."
Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides
of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and
sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which
one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
LITTLE TONY ON MATH
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,' I said '6'," replies TONY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going
to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of
a
multi-syllable word?"
TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please
use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to
go."
Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought
my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called
on little TONY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"
The Operation (Thanks to Merrily)
When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying
erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks
his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches and was close to dragging on
the ground. Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see
a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple
that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be cured through corrective
surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously. "Crutches?
Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well," said the wife coldly, "you are planning to lengthen Ralph's
legs, aren't you?"
Dog Trivia
A dog can suffer from tonsillitis, but not appendicitis. They don't
have an appendix.
Greyhounds have the keenest eyesight of any dog breed.
Dogs that reside in cities live about three years longer than dogs that
live in the country.
In Brooklyn, N.Y., it's illegal to let a dog sleep in your bathtub.
A dog can't hear the lowest key on a piano.
Dog food is the most profitable food on the market. People spend four
times as much on dog food as they do on baby food.
Every hour, 12,500 puppies are born in the United States.
Dogs are mentioned 14 times in the Bible.
The word for "dog" in the Australian aboriginal language Mbabaran happens
to be "dog."
The chow is the only dog with a black tongue.
The first year of a dog's life is equal to 21 years of human life (the
dog grows to adulthood.) Each additional year is equivalent to four human
years.
Nose prints are the most reliable way to identify dogs.
The five most popular dog tricks in the U.S. are sit, shake (paw), roll
over, speak and lie down.
Crab was the only named dog in any Shakespearean play. The play was
Two Gentlemen of Verona.
Dogs like squeeze toys because they sound like animals in distress.
A cat is more inclined to watch TV than a dog, claim the experts. (A
cat relies more on vision, dogs rely more on smell.)
A U.N. survey revealed fewer British mailmen are bitten by dogs than
postal carriers in any other nation.
Scientists insist that no dog has ever been bored.
Calling a puppy to punish it teaches the dog not to come when it's called.
It's best to reward your dog by bringing it to you, and to punish it by
sending it away.
FROM: DribbleGlass.com
FRENCH VETERAN
Q: How can you recognize a French war veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits.
CALLING IN SICK
A guy calls in sick to work. "What's wrong?" asks the boss. "I'm sick,"
the guy replies. "You sound all right to me," the boss snarls. "No, I'm
really sick. Believe me." "Listen," says the boss, "you were fine yesterday,
and we have a lot of work today. I want you in here. You can't be that
sick!" "Dude, I just had sex with my sister. Don't tell me I'm not sick."
WATCH
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
HOME LATE
Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole.
He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, quite inebriated,
around midnight each night. He usually had trouble getting his key to fit
the keyhole and couldn't get the door open. And every time this happened,
his wife would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to
yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out and always coming home
in a drunken state. But Merle just continued his nightly routine. One day,
the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior and was particularly
distraught by it all. The friend listened and said, "Why don't you treat
him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why
don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss?
Then he might change his ways." The wife thought that this might be a good
idea. That night, Merle took off again after dinner. And at about midnight,
he arrived home in his usual condition. His wife heard him at the door.
She quickly opened it and let Merle in. Instead of berating him as she
had always done, this time she took his arm and led him into the living
room. She sat Merle down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman
and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle
him a little. After a little while, she said to Merle, "It's pretty late,
dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you think?" At
that, in his inebriated state he replied, "I guess we might as well. I'll
get in trouble when I get home anyway!"
THE FUTURE
A distraught patient says to her psychiatrist, "Doctor, I keep seeing
into the future!" The psychiatrist asks, "When did this start happening?"
The woman replies, "Next Thursday."
BATTLE WOUNDS
A Civil War soldier awakens in a field hospital. He looks at the doctor
and says, "Something is wrong, Doc. I can¹t feel my leg!" "I know,"
the doctor replies. "We had to amputate your arms."
FRAMED PICTURE
After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking
around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the nightstand
by the bed. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?"
he inquired nervously. "No, silly", she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your
boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at
his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the
girl replied, "That was me before the surgery."
DRINKING AGE
Q: Why did they raise the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
POOR KITTY
A little boy is gone to school one day and while he is gone, his cat
gets killed. His mother is very concerned about how he will take the news.
Upon his arrival home, she explains the tragedy and tries to console the
boy saying, "But don't worry, the cat is in heaven with God now." The boy
replied, "What's God gonna do with a dead cat?"
EATING CLOWN
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this
taste funny to you?"
HEALING POWERS
An elderly couple is watching a television evangelist one night. The
preacher announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with
everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV and the
other hand on the part of your body that ails you and I will heal you."
The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places
one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile,
her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV
and his other hand on his groin. With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's
talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."
SAD LIFE
Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
IN THE THICK OF TRAFFIC
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one
day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume
of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into
the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns
blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down. The
blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other
side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket
and offers it to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident,
can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are
you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!" The blind
man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his
head is, so I can kick his ass."
THE FLAT
A rich lady is riding along with her chauffeur when they get a flat
tire. He gets out and starts trying to pry off the hubcap. After he struggles
a few minutes, she looks out at him and says, "You wanna screwdriver?"
He says, "Hell, we might as well. I can't get this fucking hubcap off
anyway."
Kerry's Joke: Britsky
reported last night that John Kerry now says that his statement, "What
we need now is not just a regime change in Saddam Hussein and Iraq, but
we need a regime change in the United States," was just a joke.
Maybe this was a Kerry joke too. On Feb. 23, 1998, as then-President
Bill Clinton made Iraqi regime change an issue, Sen. Kerry said the following:
"Saddam Hussein has already used these weapons and has made
it clear that he has the intent to continue to try, by virtue of his duplicity
and secrecy, to continue to do so. That is a threat to the stability of
the Middle East. It is a threat with respect to the potential of
terrorist activities on a global basis. It is a threat even to regions
near but not exactly in the Middle East."
And here's a lie within a lie:
"At a 1971 anti-war protest, some Vietnam veterans put their
medals on the steps of the U.S. Capitol in protest of the war. Kerry threw
his two Purple Hearts on the steps of the Capitol and then said, ''This
administration forced us to return our medals...These leaders denied us
the integrity those symbols supposedly gave our lives.'' However, several
years later, a reporter noticed Kerry’s Purple Hearts on his office wall.
He admitted that the medals he threw on the steps were not his own, but
instead were given to him by two other men."
According to Limbo yesterday, the Wall Street Journal
reported in the 1980's that Kerry's explanation to them was different.
The displayed medals were his own. "I threw my ribbons back," he claimed.
Why hadn't he thrown back his medals like everyone else at the demonstration?
"I didn't have time to go home and get them," says he. Presumably Kerry
carried the ribbons around in his wallet.
The Journal also once reported that Kerry
was caught sending out constituent letters to Hispanic constituents taking
one position, and to English speaking constituents taking the exact opposite
stand. John Kerry truly deserves to be the front runner in this party
of liars, dissemblers and unindicted criminals.
Greenpeace is handing out this
pic of Dubya appearing as the ace of spades. The dickwadian anti-nuclear
campaigners have created their own most wanted list. The nice thing about
Greenpeace is they sometimes forget themselves and attack people with guns.
Yum yum.
A bit of a humorous moment on CNN on Wednesday afternoon when Kyra Phillips, their reporter aboard the Aircraft Carrier USS
Abraham Lincoln, realized, "I hate to say it," that the TVs in the pilots' ready-room were tuned to the Fox News Channel. Phillips
quickly dismissed it as part of the Navy system in which "you've got
to get a little bit of every network." [MRC]
Not quite Kyra. The military are not alone
in recognizing that your network is famously biased in reporting news,
not to be confused with editorial comments. Take this out
and out lie from Al Hunt's anorexic wife for example. I'm sorry.
I had no right to comment on Woodruff's physical appearance. Besides,
she's only anorexic because Al is such a famous whoremaster.
You will not find a finer selection of whining old whores,
sheep-biting joitheads, or fobbing boil-brained wagtails on the internet,
than right here. I'm not
kidding. The Pentagon has so many generals walking around that Colonels
make the coffee and majors sweep the floors. Famousidiot.com is like
that. World class assholes and liars like Paul Begala are a dime
a dozen.
BTW, I found this site last week when the site keeper appeared on Brit Hume's show. He has been receiving death threats from our diversity loving liberal friends, so bring your piece and aim for the crotch.
My wife has had rheumatoid arthritis nearly her entire
life, and beef aggravates the condition so we eat beaucoup chicken
and pork. Daughter Looloo, also not a vegetarian, recommended Morningstar
Veggie Burgers awhile back, and only my utter contempt for PETA, and vegan
assholes in general, kept me from following through. I just ate my
first one, and dammit - I like the hell out of it. No fat.
Tasty. 150 calories for a big slab. Plus, now I can participate
in those deals where everyone takes off their clothes. Yum yum.
Today is the day you take your son to his
first SU Basketball game. Leading up to the big day you
have told him about game day, the smell of the freshly oiled hardwood,
the Dome Ranger, the hot-dogs that taste better in the Carrier Dome
than anywhere else, the roar of the crowd when the SU scores.
You tell him all about the wonderful sights & sounds he'll see on that
wonderful day. But the only thing he'll remember about the big day is ...
You can fool me once ... well, maybe twice, but ... well, maybe three times, but ...
These are odd California numbers.
The W$J editorializes
this morning that "a recent Field Poll found that only 9% of voters
have much confidence in Mr. Davis's abilities to fix things."
The Field Poll also found that "a special recall election could be close.
Mr. Davis's approval rating is 24%, the lowest of any California Governor
in a half century. Voters approved of recalling him by 46% to 43%."
You prolly know that George Galloway, a Laborite
member of Parliament and loudest anti-war voice (featured by several American
media outlets) was on Saddam's payroll. But what about "Rep.
Jim McDermott, so memorably featured from Baghdad attacking President
Bush as a liar last fall on ABC's 'This Week'?" Yup, he was getting
money from Saddam supporters too. Here's the people who featured Galloway's
and McDermott's anti-US rants at the time:
ABC, CBS, NBC, as well as CNN, NPR, Time, Newsweek,
and U.S. News & World Report.
Now, here's the list of media giants who have thus far not mentioned that
these stalwarts were on Saddam's dole:
ABC, CBS, NBC, as well as CNN, NPR, Time, Newsweek,
and U.S. News & World Report. [Media Research. ]
Frank R. Lautenberg, New Jersey crime boss and Democrat Senator, proposed
a bill that would force the nation's fire departments wait 60 minutes
before responding to an alarm - if it appears a building is actually on fire.
"It's the Democrat way," said Lout, "we're just plain fucking stoooopid."
Not really. But almost. Instead, the Loutster
has introduced
a Senate bill "which would extend the time allowed for background checks
on gun buyers during periods of heightened security alerts."
In response to this, and other displays of incompetence by these fen-sucked
hugger-muggers, America is saying EAT
ME DONKS.
The BBC is about to take the reality game show format to a new low - by
asking the public to vote on whether individual asylum seekers should be
thrown out of the country, reports
the Guardian. Maybe we're getting close to that Perotian
model of democracy where anyone with a telephone can help decide public
policy. Here's some suggested formats:
This is too rich, even by Democrat's standard of hypocrisy. Republican
Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine, whose refusal to vote for the recent tax
cut almost sank it, is complaining.
Yikes, it's after noon. Before I pour my first Manhattan I need to
get this out of the way, for reasons that will not be apparent.
YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY
!
Yesterday's day long server shutdown at Hosting
Matters deprived me of some possible big$ (in the event someone
was going to use the beg
cup), and sent Glenn Reynolds back to Blog.Spot.
I discovered this from the Amish
guy, and gave it a try
my own self. Nobody noticed. Anyway, I took a vacation day
and interacted with my human neighbors. One of them was my friend Greg
who lives down the road. I hadn't seen him for awhile, but
since he's a very busy architect that's not unusual. Yikes.
Greg has been inflicted with what he called "The Devil's Stab."
I looked it up on the web, but couldn't find it.
• Hillary Clinton's $100,000 commodities
trading coup: Unlike the Jones $850,000, Mrs. Clinton's
commodities killing makes the book -- as an example of errors by the press.
A Newsweek account suggested she had none of her own money at risk, but
subsequent disclosures showed she put $1,000 into a margin account, and
parlayed it into a profit of $98,000 with advice from Jim Blair of Tyson
Foods and through often-disciplined broker Robert "Red" Bone. This was OK,
Mr. Blumenthal suggests, because one reporter leaped to a conclusion. More
sensibly, the error was the result of the Clintons' stonewalling on their
1978 and 1979 tax returns, though they'd released those starting in
1980.
U.S. Treasurer Rosario Marin is now 'former U.S. treasurer' and heading
back to California to launch a campaign against Sen. Barbara Boxer.
I wrote about this here,
and over the weekend a conservative challenger left his comments. On that
basis, Curmudgeonly & Skeptical says "Danney
Ball for Senate".
What will we do about Fallujah? The place seems to be an Iraqi Chechnya,
where everyone has guns and hates outside authority. No U.S. Troops
interact with Fallujahn kiddies. Think of walking Harlem streets
at 2 A.M., except all the time. If the place is not neutralized we'll
lose more troops in occupation than during the actual war. In my
novel, I'd make everyone assemble at a collection point where they'd be
stripped of all weapons. Those who stayed hiding in Fallujah [all
the bad guys] would be blown to bits with the rest of the city, which I
would simultaneously nuke. I mean I would level the place, then put
the rest to work rebuilding it. A busy bee is a happy bee. End
of problem. Next?
About a quarter century ago my pop, who was in a position
to know such things, delivered his assessment of the new program.
"Head Start children show initial performance gain, but in a year or
so they test with the kids who never participated." Not
a thing has changed in all those years, and it doesn't matter. Head
Start factotums will defend their turf 'till Hell freezes over and a future
Democrat president makes the agency a cabinet post.
The man who made the name "Clymer"
a household joke had
a beauty yesterday in the first of a two parter on how his beloved
Donks are screwed. "Democrats these days lack the killer instinct
that it takes to sell blunt, demagogic messages. (huh?)" He asks
Bob Shrum why that is.
Speaking of goofy bastards, 40 of those Texas Democrats who fled to Oklahoma rather than face the music have taken to calling themselves "the WD-40s" -- a name they say describes them
because they're white Democrats over 40. Problem is, the makers of the
lubricant WD-40 are objecting.
"But only one of the 535 members of Congress, Rep. Sam Farr, D-Carmel,
flies the blue and white United Nations flag. Farr started doing it only
recently, just as President Bush's feud with such fellow U.N. Security
Council members as France, Germany and Russia led the president to invade
Iraq without the council's express backing." - 
This
morning's WaPost is making the case that "
A
New York woman was at her hairdresser's on Park Avenue getting her hair
cut prior to a vacation in Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned
the trip to the hairdresser, who responded,
Let's look deeper
into that assertion
![[Henry Wallace]](http://terpsboy.com/blogpics/Wallace_Henry-.gif)
For the past two days I've been carrying on a back and forth e-mail dialogue
with Microsoft Support about a vexing problem. My support guy sends
me instructions, I do what he says and acknowledge. He sends back
more instructions ... you know the drill. So, how many smart alecks
out there know what showed up in my mailbox at this vulnerable point in
my day? That's right, 
Here's another update. In March I 
John
McCaslin writes in his Inside the Beltway column:
That
calls for an update. Some may recall me crying in my beer last
December, because it looked like we'd have to replace one of our trusty
pre-Gore toilets with one of his inefficient crappers. Well, we did.
We went with a "pressure assisted" 
There's a nationwide police crackdown on seat belt use called 'Click
it or ticket.' Cities taking part set up random checkpoints where officers ticket passengers without seat belts.
Now, anybody out there who believes that your local pols give a rat's ass
about your chances of injury when not wearing a seat belt, raise your hand.
Now, those who think cash strapped governments are using this ploy as another
hidden tax, say 'Amen.' You people who raised your hand ... you've
been sleeping in class, dammit. Sheesh.
After the Supreme's allowed Maine's version of the Canadian prescription
drug scheme to go forward yesterday, count on the 
The city that will only vote for Liberal government is reaping its just
reward. James Taranto [Best of the Web] asked yesterday, "Is New York's
mayor trying to destroy the city? Not only is he raising taxes; he seems
to be waging a campaign of harassment against productive citizens."
Using an obscure law that only allows a store's name and street number
on awnings, Bloomberg has ordered cops to start handing out fines of up
to $2,500 for violations. Cops also ticketed a Bronx man for "unauthorized
use of a milk crate," a "crime" that can carry a $100 fine. "Blame
Bloomberg," the cop told the poor schmuck.
The soon to be paroled 
It appears that U.S. treasurer Rosario Marin will be the challenger California
Republicans throw at Barbara Boxer next year. At least she appears
to be the "moderate" the White House is backing. Let me stick my neck out way early.
Boxer will win. Why? Because the "moderate" Republicans the
establishment is so enamored by in Cali are unprincipled losers, willing
to say what they think needs saying instead of what needs doing. They're
little more than watered down Donks. California voters evidently
react by saying, "if we're going to wallow in shit, let's wallow in shit
we're familiar with." Witness Gov. Gray Davis. Idiots. Of course, I will defer to my learned friends who actually have to live under Boxer's heel.
Certainly the most unctious, if not dishonest 2004 Donk wannabe is John
Kerry. Today we 
If Kerry is 100% Eddie Haskell, Tom DeLay's DNA is pure Bart Simpson.
The Washington Post's male gossip columnist (Lloyd Grove) is
Yesterday ABC's "This Week" host George Stephanopoulos appeared
on the Don Imus show, and was asked why he hadn't challenged Carol Moseley
Braun's debate claim that President Bush stole the 2000 election?
After some obligatory Donk quibbling, Stephy basically answered, "Because
Bush did steal the election in Florida." Imus pointed out that
"numerous media organizations failed to turn up compelling evidence that
Gore won more Florida votes than Bush," and Stephy replied that you'd have
to be an idiot to believe that. He cited the votes for Pat Buchanan,
by apparently senile/ultra-stupid Donk voters in Palm Beach County, as
proof. Now, I'm headed off to 
Here's a guy all Liberals will love. In bloombergesqe fashion, a
San Francisco lawyer has
The Atlantic Coast Conference 
Liberales are on a rampage. New York's über-Lib, Mayor Bloomberg, is 
Finally, President Kate unveils 
Our National Institutes of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD),
part of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), 
When I think of Disney I think incompetence. I mean, how many
stocks actually went down during the late 90's, a time when someone's internet Home page would premier on NASDQ at 350? Michael Eisner's Disney did. Now, to go along with Gay day celebrations, and other oh-soooo-PC marketing ploys - like keeping Song of the South off the video market - Disney is backing a man hated by as many people as Bill Clinton.
Actually, they're the same people. Funding Michael Moore's film project,
that will depict President Bush as a modern day Attila the Hun, assures
further boycotts by the very people that made Walt Disney's company rich
-- the American family. Hey Spoons, would you like to be rich beyond
your wildest dreams? Represent us Disney stockholders in a class
action suit against Eisner, Katzenberg, et al, for incompetence and reckless
management. Pricks.
Sen. Bob Graham of Florida was on Face the Nation yesterday, 
No screenplay necessary for this one, 
I just finished hearing Sen. Arlen Specter
(R-D PA) tell E.D. Donahey Hill, on Fox and Friends, that senate Republicans
will do 
Los
Angeles Times columnist Robert Scheer is one of the most virulently leftwing
America hating members of today's media, and that' s saying something. David Horowitz
found 
Image. What 
MUSLIM groups are demanding an apology from "X2" director Bryan Singer
over what they perceive as "anti-Islamic propaganda" in the blockbuster
flick. Why?
It looks like 
I would 
Let's speculate together. Is his "proof" in the nature of the many
opportunities the Clinton administration had to prevent 9-11, and didn't?
That kind of shit? Or stuff 
I'm listening to Bob Graham announce his candicacy for Prez. It took
him 2 minutes and 12 seconds to tell his first whopper of a lie.
Here's the deal. Arguably the best scholar on the subject of soviet
spies - in circa 1940-1950's United States - is historian Allen Weinstein
(
I was hoping Howard Bashman would include, in his 
I
am forced to present 
Regarding my poll (right column), 
The 
Frank R. Lautenberg, New Jersey crime boss and Democrat Senator, proposed
a bill that would force the nation's fire departments wait 60 minutes
before responding to an alarm - if it appears a building is actually on fire.
"It's the Democrat way," said Lout, "we're just plain fucking stoooopid."
