Curmudgeonly & Skeptical

The results of the Moveon.org's online Dem primary: DEAN 139360/ 43.87% KUCINICH 76000/ 23.93% KERRY 49973/ 15.73% EDWARDS 10146/ 3.19% GEPHARDT 7755/ 2.44% GRAHAM 7113/ 2.24% BRAUN 7021/ 2.21% UNDECIDED 6378/ 2.01% OTHER 6121/ 1.93% LIEBERMAN 6095/ 1.92% SHARPTON 1677/ 0.53% TOTAL: 317647/ 100.00

I've had this pasted to the fridge for a few days.  If nothing else demonstrates why no Democrat capable of actually winning a general election can ever hope to receive the party nomination, this does.  And that's the way we like it.

    Speaking of the recently departed, Jack Hawkins duly notes how our filthy friends on the left reacted to Strom Thurmond's death.  On the brighter side, his "Frank Discussions: Democratic Presidential Candidates By Frank J" is  just precious and definitely worth your time.

NOTE: Early yesterday, while I was still mucking about with the network setup, I advised you to spend the morning perusing Mr. Cracker's site.  Somehow it was deleted, but the advice is still good.

Gates 'hates' spam, but acts belie criticism - TIMES headline

    Tim Lemke tries to make the case that, because Microsoft sells anti-spam software and uses e-mail to advertise its products, Bill Gates is somehow hypocritical.  Hey, I hate Spam too, but I hate the notion of government finding the solution even more, and so should you.

Holy Crapola! I got this network mutha working. I don't know how, but Mother Suiperior will be pleased. This calls for some serious Scotching! Yum Yum.

    Early in the past week the Supremes, with lead singer Sandy O'Connor doing the most screeching, did their best to promote our new designer Constitution (discrimination against white men is okay - for the next 25 years anyway).  Now  Representative Tom Davis, a Virginia Republican, is working to open the road that will lead to granting the District of Columbia full voting rights in Congress.

"Davis said on a local radio show last week that he was developing a bill to give the District a vote in Congress, saying, ''It's hard to make a straight-faced argument that the capital of the free world shouldn't have a vote in Congress.'' [Boston Globe]

"But Californians should suffer Gray Davis for three more years, voting like grown-ups not as penance for their mistake last year, but to uphold the principle that election results are final for a fixed term and officeholders should not be removed merely when ratings fall."

"... a furious row has broken out over a museum laser game which involves gunning down Nazi storm troopers in a town which has 30-year links of friendship with Germany."

"Games like this make Germans feel they are aliens and still the enemy. They should remove it."

The Supreme Court ended its term yesterday by issuing two controversial opinions that suggest an odd understanding of its judicial obligations.

The Court was perfectly happy to instruct Texans on what they ought to think about homosexuality, a subject not addressed in the Constitution and historically left to state legislatures. On the other hand, it punted on its core Constitutional duty to adjudicate First Amendment issues, paving the way for a California anti-globalization nut to proceed with a lawsuit against Nike on the grounds that corporations don't have free-speech rights.

The Nike case offered the Court the opportunity to decide whether a corporation's public statements are subject to the same constitutional protections as those of its critics. The Supreme Court of California last year ruled against Nike, which had defended itself against charges of unfair labor practices by issuing press releases, among other outrages. The California court deemed the company's public-relations campaign a violation of the state's false advertising laws.

By taking a pass, the High Court sends the case back to trial in California, whence it may eventually work its way back to Washington, a process that will take years. Sooner or later the Court will have to rule on corporate speech, and it's a shame it didn't seize the opportunity now.

Perhaps the Justices were too preoccupied with the burden of playing Solomon in the nation's culture wars. They leapt to that task, deciding yesterday to overturn their own 1986 ruling in Bowers v. Hardwick, and finding a constitutional right to privacy for consenting adults engaging in gay sex. Writing for the 6-3 majority in Lawrence v. Texas, Justice Anthony Kennedy says that homosexuals "are entitled to respect for their private lives."

As it happens, an increasing number of Americans share that view. State laws forbidding sodomy, once common, are now rare and seldom enforced. The mainstreaming of gay culture is an undeniable fact of modern life. In his dissent, Justice Clarence Thomas calls the Texas anti-sodomy law "silly" and says he would vote to repeal it if he were a Texas legislator, as we would too.

The nine Justices are not legislators, however, and in deciding Lawrence they have once more usurped the electorate's right to find its own consensus on matters of social mores. The Court's opinion suggests that as those mores change the Justices have the power to reinvent the Constitution's privacy right along with it.

But why should nine -- or six -- Justices accrete this power to themselves? Such highly charged issues are better addressed by legislatures representing voters than by judicial edict. The genius of democracy is that it has the ability through debate to achieve consensus and settle these disputes over time.

The High Court's interventions only keep the cultural wars going. That's surely the lesson of Roe v. Wade, which has poisoned abortion politics (and increasingly judicial politics) for 30 years. States were already beginning to reconsider abortion laws when Roe was handed down from on high in 1973. Anti-abortion Americans felt disenfranchised, and America's cultural debate was immediately radicalized. If the Justices want to know why their nominations have become pitched political battles, the arrogance of Roe is the answer.

It remains to be seen whether Lawrence will become a homosexual Roe. Social conservatives are already sounding alarms about gay marriage and the potential threat to the 37 state laws that define marriage as between a man and woman. The logic of Lawrence also validates Senator Rick Santorum's recent point (much distorted by the media) that this line of reasoning opens the door to discovering constitutional protection for other kinds of sexual conduct between consenting adults, such as prostitution, bigamy and incest.

But the cultural victors in Lawrence would be well advised to understand that judicial whimsy swings both ways. As Justice Antonin Scalia notes in his dissent, the arguments the Lawrence majority gives for overturning Bowers might just as easily be used for overturning Roe: It's OK to disregard a precedent -- Bowers -- that is only 17 years old, especially since it has been widely criticized and, by the way, because the culture has changed. It would be the height of irony if some future Court were to cite Lawrence as a reason for overturning Roe.

As Justice Scalia writes, "The court has taken sides in the culture war," and both the Court and the country may come to regret it. Instead of settling the issue of gay rights, yesterday's decision may only have inflamed it.

    Meanwhile, in that parallel universe of Duh, where foreign governments are allowed to bestow the rights of citizenship willy-nilly, an equally obscene threat is being treated with humor.  I am, of course, referring to the latest scam by CTLs to get rich quick - the obesity law suit against food companies.

The ad features a trial lawyer cross-examining a defendant, saying, "So you sold my client these chocolate chips — and look — no warning label on the box. Just pretty pictures."
    The lawyer continues, "You make them taste good, don't you?" The defendant, a doe-eyed, 7-year-old Girl Scout, replies, "I guess so."

  "The Matricula Consular card, issued by the Mexican government to Mexicans living in the United States, "is not a reliable form of identification" and poses a criminal and terrorist threat, the FBI has concluded.

Some 1.2 million cards have been issued by Mexican consulates here in the United States, and are accepted by hundreds of localities and local agencies across the nation, including most recently Montgomery County in Maryland ... " TIMES

[James] Taranto comes up with a clever idea, then rides that horse until it dies.  Then he beats that dead horse again and again and again.

His "Not Too Brite"/"Oddly Enough!" items are an example.  The first 50 or so were funny.  Also, his "What would X do without Experts."  Moderate chuckles the first 100 times or so.

Lately, he's been on his annoying kick on political candidate quotes, where he does a bunch of famous ones, and then quotes something stupid by a Donk presidential candidate.  This is going to get real old over the next 14 months.

What makes it worse, though, is that I did this gag before him! Let him get his own horse to beat.  This one's mine, and if I want to beat it, that's my right.

You heard me.

To those who rushed to buy a ticket for the $110 million Powerball lottery, consider the case of Jody Lee Taylor.

    Susan Hallowell, the director of the Transportation Security Administration's security laboratory, allows her body to be X-rayed by the "backscatter" machine at the Transportation Security Administration in Egg Harbor Township, N.J., Wednesday, June 25, 2003. The X-ray reveals a gun and a bomb that she "hid" under her outfit. (AP Photo/Brian Branch-Price) NEWS

West Virginia Gov. Bob Wise requested designs for the state's new quarter.  The words "plethora," "cognitive overload," and "fish in a barrel" are running through my head.  Yours too, I'll bet.  Here's some submissions and contest rules.

    Former President Bill Clinton says he loves to pay taxes, and that all wealthy people such as himself should be automatically audited each year by the Internal Revenue Service.
    "I must be the only person in America that every time — I pay the maximum tax rates — every time I sign that tax form, I smile. I thank God I live in a country that gave me a chance to make the money I do," Mr. Clinton said.
    He added: "I think they ought to audit me and everyone in my income group every year, because if I make a mistake, I actually think they can make some real money out of me and I want to pay what I owe." [Town Hall]

8.     The Clintons took a series of erroneous tax deductions related to Whitewater - CONCLUSIONS OF THE SPECIAL (SENATE WHITEWATER) COMMITTEE

[Partial detalis]

"After he became Deputy White House Counsel, Mr. Foster  continued to play a key role in controlling potential damage to the Clintons  from Whitewater.  He was given the responsibility for overseeing the  preparation of Clintons' tax returns for 1992 to reflect properly the sale of  their shares in Whitewater.   Mr. Foster worked with other White House  officials in the Spring of 1993 in preparing a response to expected  Whitewater questions.   And, most interestingly, Mr. McDougal had left  a message for Mr. Foster on June 16, 1993, "re tax returns of HRC, VWF  and McDougal."   The documents in Mr. Foster's office at the time of  death included a file on Whitewater and his notes of conversations with the  Clintons' accountant, Yoly Redden, concerning the tax treatment of the  sale of Whitewater.   The notes identified the tax problem as a "can of  worms you shouldn't open"  and further warned: "Don't want to go back  into that box  Was McD trying to circumvent bank loss -- why HRC  getting loan from other."       Mr. Foster also played a central role in ... "
 

THE NEW BLOGGER: Of course, it sucks.

THE 'INGRATITUDE' OF THOMAS: It would be hard to find a more appalling example of racial animus than in Maureen Dowd's column this morning.

Rodger Schultz: So Ann, how come Hawkins gets an interview and I didn't?

Ann Coulter: Maybe because he asked.  Pass the vinegar.

Rodger Schultz: Is Hawkins an old geezer?

Ann Coulter: What's old?

Rodger Schultz: 50-60?

Ann Coulter: No, he's about 40-45 I'd say.

Rodger Schultz: Is he good looking?

Ann Coulter: Not better looking than you sweetie.  How's the tuna?

Rodger Schultz: Great.  You're not wearing a bra are you?  How about a peek?

Ann Coulter: Oh stop.

Rodger Schultz: Come on, just a peek.

Ann Coulter: No way.  Last time you had one of those horrible spy cams and posted my jugs all over the Internet.

Rodger Schultz: I swear, no spy cam tonight.  Pass the salt.

Rodger Schultz: So, if you were going to make love with a woman, would it be Katie or Diane Sawyer?

Ann Coulter: Couric's cuter, but she's such a bitch ... .

Rodger Schultz:  John Hawkins or me?

Ann Coulter: You dear.  Cognac?

A schoolteacher is framed after she stumbles upon a nasty truth.  A townsman has been selling liquor to high school kids.

Redneck Jokes

Did you hear about the guy from Alabama who passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow--but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the front desk replies, "Go ahead."

How can you tell if a Tennessee redneck is married? There is dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

What do they call rerun of "Hee Haw" in Alabama? Documentaries.

Where was the toothbrush invented? Mississippi. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

A Georgia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" "Bout wut?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss, too. Both books - poof! - up in flames and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

A new law recently passed in West Virginia When a couple gets divorced, they're STILL brother and sister.

   “AFTER WE showed him the horrible conditions under which KFC raised and kills its chickens, Jason was horrified,” Ingrid Newkirk, president of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, tells The Scoop.
       “He told us he wanted to feel good about whatever company he was promoting and he was putting pressure on KFC to make changes. He told us, and this is a quote, ‘I am your ally.’ KFC couldn’t be happy with that.” Now, says Newkirk, Alexander’s rep has told her that the company won’t be renewing his contract. [Full]

"We don't have any leads at this point," Lyman said. "We are investigating all possibilities," including foul play.
 

New Zealand's government has been trying to combat global warming and meet its environmental commitments. And so the government has launched a new agriculture body to conduct extensive research on ways to reduce the greenhouse gases that cause global warming. And how does the government plan on paying for all this research? Well, by putting a tax on flatulent farm animals. After all, the Agence France-Presse says, natural emissions from flatulent cows, sheep, deer and goats account for about half of New Zealand's greenhouse gases. - Hume

Good News for the President
The U.S. version of these same leftist idiots [The League of Conservation Voters] gave President Bush an "F" for his performance on environmental issues in its yearly score card released yesterday.

REJECTED:  A resolution prohibiting members from being "lying cocksuckers and treasonous bastards" was rejected when Democrats persuaded Rhode Island Republican Lincoln Chafee to join them in what was otherwise a vote along party lines. 

http://www.washtimes.com/business/20030624-092244-4435r.htm

http://www.washtimes.com/upi-breaking/20030624-090107-1845r.htm

Eager to put Paris in the past, Williams began her bid for a second consecutive Wimbledon (news - web sites) title by beating fellow American Jill Craybas 6-3, 6-3.

"... The Europeans think their "miracle" was achieved through talk. Americans think this miracle was achieved through tanks. And that is all the difference in the world."

"Let's get one thing straight from the outset: The U.N. sucks. And before you start talking about the starving babies it saves and the thorns it pulls from cuddly creatures' paws, please remember that all sorts of awful institutions do good things. Hamas funds hospitals, Hitler built highways, Stalin improved literacy, Baywatch helped people with tired blood by providing uplifting, and uplifted, torsos to look at... ."

“WHEN I’M PRESIDENT, WE’LL HAVE EXECUTIVE ORDERS to overcome any wrong thing the Supreme Court does tomorrow….”  Guess who.

    A group of African-Americans protestors gathered outside the Sheraton hotel in downtown Chicago Monday where  Jesse Jackson was presiding over his 32nd annual Rainbow/PUSH conference.  But wait.  What's that they're chanting ... ?
 

"Open your eyes: Jesse Jackson is for Jesse Jackson and Jesse Jackson only."

"IRS Do Your Job: Investigate Jesse's Family"

"Jesse if you want to be a leader go and get yourself elected"

"Jesse ... is a shakedown artist"

"Jesse: With leaders like you who needs enemies?"

Aha!  More proof that the xenophobic right wing extremist John Ashcrof ... Oh. Never mind.

ITEM: Hillary's scams always  hurt innocent people.

I will pray for her soul. Sigh.

    Actor Tom Skerritt Wednesday sued a company for allegedly using his head on the body of a shirtless male model advertising a male impotence product.

Not only do I not approve of this filthy rollover; it's utterly juvenile.   Grow up.  No wonder your decent friends don't come by anymore.

    Bill Gates in a W$J article [Why I Hate Spam] explains what he's doing to stop it (lawsuits against 15 individuals & companies worldwide, software police, etc.)  I don't believe any of it will have a significant impact on spammers. Here's something that will.  If Gates can identify 15 major spammers in the U.S. and U.K. who've alleged to have sent billions of spam messages in violation of state and federal laws, then let's do this.  Post their pictures, home addresses and where their kids go to school on every website.  Que pasa?  Oh yeah.  I don't hate Bill Gates.  In fact, when I grow up I want to be just like him.

    Do you remember Greg Packer? The Donk loving "man on the street" who has been interviewed a hundred times about various issues (Hillary is just wonderful ..)? That little scam was exposed by Ann Coulter; now Sheryl McCarthy explains in Newsday why that is.

"We seek out quotes from ordinary men and women to decorate our stories, give them an air of authenticity and prove that we were there. ... I think the reason Packer is quoted so often is that journalists hate man-on-the-street interviews. It's demeaning to have to scan a crowd of total strangers, seaching for someone who looks like he or she might have something quotable to say, and won't tell you to get lost. What a relief to spot a Packer at the head of the line, ready and eager to give you a sound bite."

Reporter:  Why are you the first in line to meet the Senator?
Me: I'm too young to have met crime legends like Al Capone or Ma Barker.

That's right.

I did not make this little game very clear I reckon.  There are 11 names listed.  If you click on the correct name you will be taken directly to the quote in question, and that's how you'll know you guessed right.  Thanks - Management.

• "This republic is at its greatest danger in its history because of this administration," says Democratic senator Robert Byrd.
• "I think this is deliberate, intentional destruction of the United States of America," says liberal commentator Bill Moyers.
• George Bush's economic policy is the "most radical and dangerous economic theory to hit our shores since socialism," says Senator John Edwards.
• "The Most Dangerous President Ever" is the title of an essay in the American Prospect by Harold Meyerson, in which it is argued that the president Bush most closely resembles is Jefferson Davis.

 

   Yesterday on Fox News Sunday Donk Sen. Jay Rockefeller rejected John Kerry's accusation that Bush misled the country into war.  "The senator is running for president," Mr. Rockefeller said, as if that excuses the lie?  Well of course it does, because we're dealing with liberals here, and the ends justify the means.  C&S reader Kerry Corlett suggested,

"Ever notice Sen. Kerry's long nose, rigid cheekbones, and sunken eyes? Bearded and wearing a turban, he could pass for bin Laden."

He decides to serve venison for supper. 

He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell them. 

His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for supper?" 

"You'll see," says his dad. 

They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating. 

"OK," says her dad, "here's a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me." 

"Oh no!" she screams. "Quick, spit it out! We're eating asshole!"  

Andrew Sullivan posts a portion of an interview with Her Royal Heinous for one reason; I find it compelling for another.

Brian Lehrer (WNYC) : The lead story in the New York Times today is about Canada's decision to fully legalize gay marriage. do you think the United States should do that?

Clinton: Well, obviously in our system it is unlikely ever to be a national decision. It is a state-by-state decision because of the way our federal system operates ...

There's lots of these ENGRISH deals floating around, but this one wiped me out.

In each of these cartoons, something unusual is about to happen. Tell us what it is. Explain as necessary. First-prize winner gets a necklace and earring set donated to the Style Invitational by Valerie Holt of Fort Washington. Ms. Holt, 10, fashioned the jewelry herself from vertebrae of a deceased raccoon. It is priceless. ENTER HERE

    The Krauts say people who make their colleagues miserable by constantly moaning at work may actually be suffering from a new cash cow: "post-traumatic embitterment disorder." Sen. Clinton complains, "Those prick Republicans won't fund an Institute for Dis-enabling Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorders and Penile Acne."

LYON, France -- For the second straight game, fans at the Confederations Cup booed when the "The Star-Spangled Banner'' was played before the United States took the field. ESPN

9. The weak dollar is good for U.S. stocks. Hey, debasing the currency did wonders for Brazil and Argentina, so why wouldn't it work here at home? Never mind that the trade deficit hit a record $136 billion in the first quarter despite the swoon in the greenback - We'll worry about that later.

8. My doorman is buying. Yours probably is, too. If not, change buildings. There are tons of tips out there. Have you heard the one about Viacom and AOL Time Warner?

7. The Saddam Effect: If this "dead man" really is walking (as intelligence experts now believe), he's probably missed the recent upsurge in stocks and is anxious to get in. With hundreds of millions in dollars and gold stashed away, Saddam's entry into the market could take stocks to the moon.

6. Corporate insiders are selling like crazy. Executives sold $3.1 billion of their own stock in May, which the most in more than two years. Sure they're usually right, but the bulls point out the corner office crew has missed big market turns before: They were selling at the bottom in 1982 and still buying at the top in 2000.

5. The Fed is banking on the bulls and Greenspan is dead serious this time around. Three years and 12 interest-rate cuts later, the Fed is printing money with abandon, poised to take its fed funds rate below one percent and ready to buy Treasuries if that doesn't do the trick. Don't fight the Fed? The bulls love this familiar mantra.

4. The Jennifer Aniston rally: The mainstream financial press continues to look for ways to branch out away from Wall Street. The latest Forbes has Jennifer Aniston on its cover, Smart Money has a buff man doing push ups and CNN's venerable Lou Dobbs' Moneyline dropped the "Moneyline" from its moniker.

3. It's the third year of the election cycle. Going back to 1833, when Andrew Jackson took office, the third year of the election cycle has been a winner for stocks 80 percent of the time. Pretty good odds.

2. Day trading is back. CNBC report that day trading survivors are back in action. Could a new reality series be far behind?

1. After three years, it just feels good to be bullish again. New York Post

"Prominent Georgia Democrats on Saturday urged black leaders to focus on unregistered African-American voters to reverse historic gains by Georgia's Republican Party.

"There are about 600,000 unregistered black voters in Georgia," and many of them only voted once in the last election, and "that's not enough" they pleaded. - Atlanta Constipation

"When I first read your letter I have to admit I was puzzled. Me violent? Anti-Social? In fact, my first thought was "I wonder if I could talk this chick into sending me a naked picture of herself?" Of course, that's the first thought I have every time I meet a new woman over the web. So then I wondered "If I can get her to send the naked pic, maybe I can get her ... ."

Okay, guess which of my treasured Bloggers posted that.  If you get it on the first stab, please let me know and I will bestow my munificence and bow before your superior insightfulness. 
(Clicking on the right link will take you to the 'FAN MAIL' straightaway).
• Kim duToit
• Amish Boy
• Rachel Lucas
• Father McDonald
• Andrew Sullivan
• John Hawkins
• Acid Man
• Yellow Bug Julie
• The Comedian
• Flag Boy
• Spoons

 
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. This is the reason why you always feel smarter after a few beers." -- Cliff Clavin

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. 

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." 

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. 

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." 

A word to the wise.  Save that VCR, the box, the remote, cable, a few tapes and instruction booklet.  Your grandkid will take them to the Antique Road Show one day.

"It's expected that Clinton will emerge in the top slot of the New York Times latest bestseller lists. And Democrats have made keeping her on top a priority throughout the summer." ITEM

    If you missed it, Jay Leno took a swipe at Al Gore (and the entire whining Democrat party by inference) last night.  It went something like this:

"Al Gore wants to start his own cable news network.  He says Fox news only covers conservative view points and there's no way to get the liberal message out.  Really?  Hey Al, how about ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, Discovery, History Channel, Oxygen, BBC, Showtime, HBO, ... ?"

---

Finally, Cathy (Cathy in the Wright) had this little juicelet  embedded in a diary notation about "our pet therapy dog."  at a nursing home  "scrounging for crumbs in the Alzheimer's unit."

"In a remark worthy of Inspector Clouseau, Fine's report says: "Department officials acknowledged to the inspector general's office that they realized soon after the roundups began 'that many in the group of Sept. 11 detainees were not connected to the attacks or terrorism.'" Indeed, the Clinton appointee's report repeatedly takes the FBI to task for failing to "distinguish" between illegal immigrants and terrorists. Wow. What a great idea. If the FBI would simply "distinguish" between the terrorists and everyone else, then they could just arrest all the terrorists! Why didn't anyone else think of that? " - She who must be read

"What a coincidence," writes Brent Baker. "Two years apart CBS News and ABC News featured the same elderly woman, in news stories about the need for a new prescription drug coverage program in Medicare and the shortcomings of Republican-pushed alternatives, as the poster victim of high prescription costs."

    A few weeks ago in an article [True Grit] about Hillary's book, Ann Coulter discovered one Greg Packer (shown left).

"Another average individual eager to get Hillary's book was Greg Packer, who was the centerpiece of the New York Times' "man on the street" interview about Hillary-mania. After being first in line for an autographed book at the Fifth Avenue Barnes & Noble, Packer gushed to the Times: "I'm a big fan of Hillary and Bill's. I want to change her mind about running for president. I want to be part of her campaign."

"It was easy for the Times to spell Packer's name right because he is apparently the entire media's designated "man on the street" for all articles ever written. He has appeared in news stories more than 100 times as a random member of the public ... "

Okay, here's where I'm at.  I have my XP- machine running DSL, and have a LINKSYS 4 port router attached.  I have my wife's computer on the kitchen table connected with 100' of ethernet cable.  Neither machine seems to recognize the other.  Her machine, in fact, will blue screen when the cable is connected.  Is there a stinking Wizard program I can run here?  Will I have to hire a pro?  Is this sposed to be impossibly hard?  I hate this crap.

1. Redneck Ricky - trust me, you will love this entry.
2. The Boer.  Like this quickie.
3. Cracker is a general store joy; I like this example (Still Guilty) of why Donks are so dangerous.
4. Blonde Molly - witty Cali stuff.  Try Biased Boy Scouters!
5. Right Wing Hawk - I just stole the header pic from him.  ALL good stuff.
6. Mostly Bitter - Always smart stuff.  See if you don't find this interesting.
7. Dr. W. Evil - I think he would have flunked me.
8. Mike's wife Reeter: An Arky lawyer.  I found "snarkilicious" there.  Snarkilicious!

 
• ITEM: Ralph Nadar says he will run in 2004, and if he can't get the Brown Shirt Green Party nomination he may run as an Independent.
• ITEM: Two-thirds of Americans are happy with their country's role in the world, according to a Gallup poll, and 64 percent think that our way of life must be protected "against foreign influence," according to a Pew Research poll. This in response to the BBC's effort to project us as mostly despised.  This is bad news for Donks running as the French party candidate (Kerry especially).
• ITEM:After the White House told the EPA to emphasize the fact that there are uncertainties over Global Warming in an upcoming report on the state of the environment, they scrapped the whole thing.  In a snit, an EPA worm proclaimed the order would mean their report would "no longer accurately represents scientific consensus on climate change."
• ITEM:Al Gore gives the Guardian his reason for efforts to create a liberal alternative to conservative talk radio and television.

"Fox News Network, The Washington Times , Rush Limbaugh - there's a bunch of them, and some of them are financed by wealthy ultra-conservative billionaires who make political deals with Republican administrations and the rest of the media."

I won't insult your intelligence by pointing out the obvious.  What a twit.
• ITEM:The Obesity Lawsuit Conference, which starts today in Boston, is aimed at putting fast-food chains on the defensive and "encouraging trial lawyers to become involved in lawsuits where they can make money."  Doncha just love these Fat bastards?

"... no one, to my knowledge, has ever classified Barbra Streisand, Jane Fonda, Ed Asner, and Norman Lear as intellectuals. " - Judge Robert Bork

So, we watched a rental tonight, "Two Weeks Notice."  It's a chick flick (my wife's a chick) amalgam of You've Got Mail, The Way We Were, and Sabrina.  Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant.  Here's some dialogue.

Meryl Brooks: Come on, I've known you since Brownies, and the only time I ever saw you cry was when Bush won.
Lucy Kelson (Bullock): Which one?
Meryl Brooks: Well, both of them.

Three BOOGERS® for the plot, etc.;   three more BOOGERS® for pissing me off.  That's SIX BOOGERS® total. Wipe your tears with that, bitch.

     A shepherd was tending his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new Jeep Cherokee appeared out of a dust cloud, advanced toward him and stopped. The driver, a 20-something fella wearing a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses, and a YSL tie, leaned out of the window and asked the shepherd, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the young guy, then at his peacefully grazing flock, and calmly answered, "Sure."

The young man parked his car, whipped out his notebook computer, connected it to a cell phone, surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, then opened up a database and some Excel spreadsheets with complex formula. He finally printed out a 15-page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turned around to our shepherd and said, "You have here exactly 1,586 sheep!"

"Amazing! That's correct! Like I agreed, you can have one of my sheep," said the shepherd.

The shepherd watched the man make a selection and bundle it into his Cherokee. When he was finished the sheepherder said, "If I can tell you exactly what your political persuasion is and who you work for, will you give me back my sheep?"

"Okay, why not?" answered the young man.

"You're a Democrat and you're working for Jesse Jackson," said the shepherd.

"Wow! That's correct," said the young man. "How did you ever guess that?"

"Easy," answered the shepherd. "Nobody called you, but you showed up here anyway. You want to be paid for providing a solution to a question I already knew the answer to. And you clearly don't know squat about what you're doing.

Now . . . can I have my border collie back?

Clinton's Senate staff and schedulers have made it clear to her Democratic Senate colleagues and groups interested in having her appear at fundraisers that she will only attend if copies of her books are either purchased in bulk for free distribution at the event or her books are made available for purchase while she is in attendance. Prowly

    Removing nearly half of us from any tax (or military) obligation has too many downside risks for my taste, but this article about the cumulative effect of two Bush tax cuts makes another point.

"Mr. Edwards of Cato said the number of families off the rolls has changed the politics of tax cuts.
     He said Democrats can no longer call for income-tax cuts for poor families because there are so few who pay, so instead they push for "refundable credits." Such credits, rather than subtracting from a qualifying family's tax liability, pays money to them outright since they owe nothing. "

I received this link from someone who uses "Boer War Old Soldiers Home" letterhead?  Anyway, it's a coffee spewer.

"President Bush said Wednesday that he and other world leaders will not tolerate nuclear weapons in Iran and he urged Tehran to treat protesters seeking the ouster of the Islamic government with "the utmost of respect.

"Bush said he had brought the matter of nuclear weapons up with other leaders at the G-8 meeting of industrial powers, plus Russia, earlier this month.

"There was near-universal agreement that we all must work together to prevent Iran from developing a nuclear weapon," he said.

"... Bush labeled Iraq a threat to U.S. national security before invoking his revised U.S. defense posture which called for pre-emptive attack in such a case." - Washington Post

"Here, the Augmented Living History Index. You might notice it includes nothing before page 441. That's because we started reading at the point where Monica came in.

Abuse of power, Bill Clinton charged with, 441, 449, 478, 503
    For ideological and malicious ends to topple a President, 472
Big Bird, 453
Carpetbagger, 504, 510, 512
Dick, 453-4
Failure to acknowledge Bono, 529-534
Farce, absurdist, 479
Farce, political, 492
Fashion designers, other than Hugo Boss, 462, 479
Forgiveness, comparison of effort to forgive Bill with Nelson Mandela's ability to forgive the oppressive regime which imprisoned him for 27 years, 480
Forklifter operator, concerns of, in congruence with those of a First Lady, 473
Hair, jokes about, 433
Hairsplitting, legalistic, 467
High heels, suffering caused by,  474, 491
"Hillaryland," 523, 531
Historical legacy, awareness of one's own, 499, 519
Inspirational moment, while gazing at starry sky, 470
Inspirational moment, with girl's basketball team captain, 501
Inspirational moment, remembering favorite Madonna movie, 502
Japan!, 506
"Kooky," Senate bid described as, 502
Male genitalia, single reference to (actually, Giuliani's prostate), 515
Nerve, 446, 522
Oral sex, phrase that could possibly be used as euphemism for, if taken completely out of context  (okay, so it's an account of Polish delicacies consumed at campaign trail state fair visit, but "ate a sausage," right? Right?), 509
Political philosophy, summed up with Fleetwood Mac lyric, 526
Pun on "it takes a village," bad, 529
Root canal, as preferable to Today Show appearance, 444
"Screw thee," 445
Sex, 475
Senate Spouses Club, 505
Swinging, 501
"Vast conspiracy," existence of confirmed and explained, 446
Wintour, Anna, 478
"Yellow Oval Room," 465, 477, 480

    Back when I was still in knickers I suffered much angst over a best selling book titled "The Ugly American."  I didn't read it (and later turned the film version off when I started to snore), but it was all the talk.  I really was quite concerned that we were disliked, anywhere - by anyone.  I don't know much about the authors, William J. Lederer and Eugene Burdick, except Burdick later wrote Fail Safe, an anti-nuclear tome that was also quite popular.  Anyway, I grew up and learned that the people whose opinion I had been worried about weren't worth it.  Sort of like my sometimes charming Uncle Harry, who drinks too much, drives a twelve year old Pontiac, and gives me stock advice.  Same deal today.

Our friends at NARAL are rightfully concerned that Norma McCorvey, the 'Jane Roe' of Roe v. Wade, has filed a motion in Federal District Court in Dallas, asking the courts to overturn the decision to legalize abortion. Her case is based on new evidence of the negative effects of abortion on women.

"NARAL and NOW say they will strike back with a multi-million dollar national TV ad blitz featuring an animated character called "Happy Fetus."

In the ads, Happy Fetus, who resembles a brine shrimp, is "not very happy." He's stuck in a "dark, cramped and lonely womb." He wishes someone would pull him out right away because he doesn't want to be born and "have to grow up in a world where a woman's right to an abortion is threatened by right-wing extremists."

At the end of the commercial, the narrator says, "Making abortion illegal again would be a life sentence to hundreds of thousands of fetuses, who would otherwise have avoided having to live on this miserable planet. It's too late for you and me. We're already stuck here. But you can help make Happy Fetus happy again. Keep abortion legal."

    Like all of you, I've been wrestling with what to do about the Middle East.  When I'm looking for real answers to hard questions I often check with the Hawk, and by golly he had the answer  -- from Buck the Marine.

"Hi, I'm Buck, Buck the Marine. I kill foreigners. Usually I'm not involved in no strategery though; I just take orders like, "Go kill those foreigners." Then I kill those foreigners and leave the reasoning to other people, like Rumsfeld, who's smart and hates all foreigners. But I was asked for my opinion, so here it is ... "

It's official: It's now safe to sell the works of Tennessee Williams on the streets of New Orleans. Thanks to a ruling yesterday from a federal judge, Josh Wexler and Anne Jordan Blanton are now free to realize their dream of a street-side bookstand in the famed playwright's adopted hometown.

In what the Institute for Justice calls a "Catch 22" -- pun fully intended -- New Orleans bureaucrats had prevented their clients, Mr. Wexler and Ms. Blanton, from opening up their business by telling them that selling books without a permit was illegal but that no permit to sell books existed. Finally it came down to sheer silliness, with New Orleans arguing that selling books from a blanket was okay but selling from a table was not.

Problem was, said U.S. District Judge Stanwood R. Duval Jr., the city "did not put on a single witness or any evidence to establish that book vending from a table would cause congestion or create a hazard for pedestrians." But the judge went further, reminding us that this case involves more than the elimination of a pesky regulation. The First Amendment applies here, ruled Judge Duval, "because book selling is a form of expression" and that the commercial nature of the enterprise "does not diminish its protection."

In an era when campaign finance laws effectively make some speech more equal than others, Judge Duval's ruling is a reminder that the authors of the Constitution made no such distinctions -- and that the right to free speech can be hollow without the economic and commercial rights to distribute it. On the eve of a Supreme Court decision on commercial speech in the Nike case, that news couldn't come at a better moment.

Updated June 18, 2003

Minnesota Blogger Mitch Berg (SHOT IN THE DARK) saw a need and filled it.

"Are you now, or have you ever been, a condo-pink, limo-liberal, merit-piddling statist? "

    Since I advocated hanging her, I can't pass the opportunity to gloat.  NewsMax reports that H.J. is trying to renew her acting career and nobody cares.

"Someone showed me an episode of 'Six Feet Under,' where the mother is admitting to her gay son that, when she was his age, 'I had a thing for Jane Fonda.' So I called up my agent and I said, 'Talk to the producer and tell him to write a cameo for me to come on as her lesbian fantasy.'

"That was seven months ago. I haven't heard a thing," complained Ted Turner's former trophy wife.

    In hometown news, an Annapolis, MD Democrat (duh) lawmaker named Cynthia McKinney A. Carter has the answer. She  wants to enact a law that would ban toy guns and fine parents whose children are caught playing with the toys outdoors.

"Anything that can be done to deglamorize guns is a plus," said Annapolis Mayor Ellen O. Moyer, a Democrat who then said, "I ate my paste."

    Introducing Curmudgeonly & Skeptical's movie critic, Brian the Movie Guy.  After a few day's we'll move Brian over to a permanent home in the right column where once a week he'll rate a movie.  Actually, Brian is Brian the Movie Guy for KPLZ-FM in California Seattle.  Through a special [blood] relationship with Brian (his dad is  the much featured Cuzzin Ricky), I got a good deal.  This week's movie is that one with the guy who was in Star Wars.  You know.  Anyway, click here and find out.t?

    Don's tax experience (below) reminded me of something.  Last week this factoid emerged from a documentary about West Point I watched on one of the Hitler Channels.  After the Revolutionary war, President Washington, John Adams, and others, wanted to establish a military school at the Point.  Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson demurred, arguing that nowhere in the constitution was that expenditure allowed.  Later, as President Jefferson, he established the United States Military Academy at West Point after coming to realize that if a president was to make good on his oath to "Preserve and Protect the Constitution of the United States," a military was necessary.

   All kinds of mind fun there if you fantasize about those founding fathers returning to modern day America via some time machine contraption.  One thing for sure, they would all be labeled Right Wing extremists by Democrats, eh wot?

"Thought you might get a kick out of this from a order confirmation I got for a pair of binoculars. Tax laws run amok.

"We are required to collect 7.75% California sales tax on certain large Celestron, Discovery, and Meade telescopes that are shipped from those manufacturers in California to addresses within California. The only Celestron and Meade telescopes subject to California sales tax (and then only if shipped to an address within California) are the Celestron CGE series of go-to scopes; the 12.5" and 16" Meade Starfinder Dobsonians; the Meade 16" Starfinder equatorial; the Meade 12", 14", and 16" LX200 GPS Schmidt-Cassegrains; and the Meade LXD55 series of refractors, Schmidt-Cassegrains, and Schmidt-Newtonians. California sales tax does not apply to these scopes if they are shipped to an address outside California. All other Celestron and Meade scopes are shipped from our facility in Norman and no California sales tax applies if they are shipped to a California address. As all Discovery telescopes are shipped from the factory, California sales tax applies to all Discovery scopes shipped to a California address. California sales tax does not apply to Discovery scopes if they are shipped to an address outside California. California sales tax also applies to any of the above scopes that are picked up at the Celestron, Discovery, or Meade factories. If you live in California and your order includes one of the above scopes, the sales tax will not show up in the total of the web order. It will, however, show up on the final invoice sent to you. If you would like a total with tax beforehand, please send us an e-mail and we will calculate the tax and send you a total as soon as possible."

Is Michael Wilbon, the Washington Post sports columnist and co-host of ESPN's "Pardon the Interruption,"  a jock sniffer?

So far the day had been dominated with news of France and liars, so this bit from Brit Hume fits right in.

An Order of French Spies?
"And an angry patron at Washington's La Colline Restaurant, which happens to be on the ground floor of this very building, yesterday left a note expressing rage at the restaurant cafe's decision to rename its French fries to "Freedom fries." The missive, written in nearly grammatical English on paper purloined from the office of Senate Foreign Relations Chairman Richard Lugar, says: "To the idiots that wrote the menu. Freedom fries? It's French fries, you bunch of FOX newsed morons. Find the weapons if you can, you warmongering foxed-up right-wing pieces of sh--. You soon be apologizing to France, you Australian-owned idiots. F you! In the name of France, and F Rumsfeld. FOX YOU!" Restaurant workers believe the author is an employee of a French media concern."

    Simon and Schuster reported yesterday that "Living History" has sold 600,000 copies in its first week and publisher Simon and Schuster said yesterday it was printing an extra 500,000 copies.  That makes Hillary's book the fastest selling non-fiction book of all time.  I don't know this for a fact, but I'll bet it's also the first time the fastest selling book of all time  only ranks third in sales at America's #1 book seller.  People associated with the Clintoons wouldn't lie to us, would they?

</kidding around>
I can today, for the first time in my life, envision the United States warring with France.  In fact, a strict implementation of the Bush doctrine ("America will act against emerging threats before they are fully formed.") will demand it.  The final straw was Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin protesting a plan to place the military wing of Hamas on a terrorist list.

"It is in our interest to have Palestinian interlocutors."

This is a tough quiz, but I'm picking, 6. Bowling For Columbine winning an Oscar, and 9. Enlightened social policies still in place from the Clinton Administration

Cracker Boy brings to my attention the so called TV GUIDE "SEX" collector series.  Feh.  Back in my day ...

 
Don't fall for it.  He's just trying to get you to look at more filth!  I mean it.  Don't rollover.

SANTA CRUZ, Calif. - A Santa Cruz man won a suit against American Airlines alleging that one of the company's planes released two chunks of toilet waste, known euphemistically as "blue ice," onto the skylight his boat.  [Full]

 

THINKING THINGS OVER

By ROBERT L. BARTLEY

Kennedy's Vietnam

The Vietnam War haunted the American political psyche for three decades, until the ghost was exorcised on September 11, 2001. The other bookend of the era, at least in my mind, is November 1963, a month that opened with the assassination of President Ngo Dinh Diem in South Vietnam and closed with the assassination of President John F. Kennedy in Dallas.

Those of us who think this way, and I am by no means the only one, naturally looked forward to a new biography of the martyred president, Robert Dallek's "An Unfinished Life: John F. Kennedy, 1917-1963." As it turns out, Mr. Dallek asserts that JFK would have withdrawn from Vietnam if he had served a second term. This notion has been assiduously spread by Kennedy acolytes for three decades now, and Mr. Dallek's uncritical acceptance of it raises again the issue of why he was selected for privileged access to the Kennedy papers.

Mr. Dallek has already had an exchange in our columns on this issue with Thomas C. Reeves, a Kennedy skeptic in his own book, "A Question of Character: A Life of John F. Kennedy" (Macmillan 1991). Mr. Reeves pointed out that the Kennedy Library is the only tax-supported presidential library that has a system of "donor committees" controlling access to materials, and that Ted Sorensen, chief guardian of Kennedy mythology, was instrumental in the selection of Mr. Dallek to be the first historian to see a wide range of materials. Mr. Dallek replied that his "understanding" was that the materials would also be released to other scholars, but Mr. Reeves, who has sought the records for years, has heard nothing to date.

Nothing here should be taken as any suggestion of a quid pro quo, or as questioning Mr. Dallek's standing as an outstanding biographer. "An Unfinished Life" is unquestionably an important book, and provides a trove of information for future scholars. Yet in approaching the book, one needs to remember that the author's attitudes were evident in his previous work, and Mr. Sorensen must be pleased with the two points made in Mr. Dallek's excerpts in The Atlantic.

The first article detailed President Kennedy's extensive health problems. The spin was that they demonstrated bravery, and did not affect the president's performance in office. Mr. Dallek has said he was surprised to find the records uncensored, but he also reports they include nothing about Dr. Max Jacobson, the infamous "Dr. Feelgood," a specialist in amphetamine cocktails.

Yet Dr. Jacobson was seeing the president about weekly, according to bills reviewed by Laurence Leamer, author of "The Kennedy Men" and "The Kennedy Women." In a Boston Globe article (see the History News Network http://hnn.us/¹), he says he had access to records secreted by the president's secretary, Evelyn Lincoln, including letters from other physicians warning against Dr. Jacobson's treatments, which included providing drugs for favored patients to inject themselves. Mr. Leamer concludes, "it is absurd to suggest that his illnesses and amphetamine use had no impact on his presidency."

My own preoccupation, Vietnam, was the subject of the second article. Mr. Dallek discusses the long debate within the administration over whether to sanction the coup that ultimately resulted in Diem's murder. In contrast with his clarity during the Cuban Missile Crisis, the president is conflicted and indecisive. Immediately after the coup, he taped a memo, particularly regretting an August cable that first suggested a coup. "I should not have given my consent to it without a roundtable conference at which McNamara and Taylor could have presented their views."

In fact, the key Aug. 24 cable was approved by the president after a briefing by George Ball, who interrupted his shower on a Hyannis weekend. At least, this was the contemporary report of Marguerite Higgins in "Our Vietnam Nightmare" (Harper & Row, 1965). But this is missing from Mr. Dallek's bibliography, as is Ellen Hammer's "A Death in November" (Dutton, 1987). These anti-coup books are essential balance to the acolytes.

President Eisenhower briefed the incoming president the day before the inaugural. The principal subjects included Laos and, we know from other sources, the balance of payments, which unwound as a crisis during the Nixon administration. The outgoing president favored American intervention in Laos, predicting that unless the U.S. resisted there South Vietnam and Cambodia would also fall.

In the event, President Kennedy negotiated the Laos accords, a coalition arrangement that gave the Communists de facto control of the Ho Chi Minh trail vital to infiltration into South Vietnam. By 1963 the South erupted in crisis, with conflicting battlefield reports and political turmoil in the Buddhist crisis and burning bonzes. The notion spread in the Saigon press corps and a Kennedy administration faction that Diem, an inflexible Catholic, had to go in order to win the war. After the coup, the military situation deteriorated rapidly.

Mr. Dallek lists the reasons JFK was reluctant to withdraw from Vietnam: failure at the Bay of Pigs, the Vienna summit with Khrushchev, defending Laos, the Berlin Wall, the Soviet resumption of nuclear testing. He feared the international and domestic reaction to another defeat. By November, sanctioning a coup against an ally in the name of winning the war had been added.

Then withdraw? Joe Kennedy's competitive kid? The "green berets" guy? The "bear any burden" guy? Give me a break.

Acolytes love this myth dearly, of course, and Mr. Dallek was writing not a focused examination of it but a broad portrait valuable in its own right. But he need not adopt the withdrawal notion so uncritically or champion it in magazines. For the purpose of the myth is to obscure a salient truth. To wit, Vietnam was John F. Kennedy's war.

	URL for this article: http://online.wsj.com/article/0,,SB105573085399712100,00.html
	Hyperlinks in this Article: (1) http://hnn.us/ (2) mailto:edit.page@wsj.com

ITEM: An Australian brothel is offering retirees a five percent discount in what it boasts is a world first.

   Carol Moseley-Braun explains why a woman should be president.  Back during the Senate hearings on  Hillary Health Care, "a senator proposed a 20 percent surcharge on mammograms provided under the health care program. It didn't occur to the committee's other senators that this might be a problem."  Okay, here comes the reason.

"So I raised my hand and said: 'Fellas, I know none of you have breasts to be worried about," but I am the biggest boob in the Senate.

Which pretty much explains everything.  To quote Ronald Reagan (just last week I think), "Never speak ill of another Republican, unless it's Gerry Parsky."

    Clintoid [you heard me] General Wesley Clark was on Meet the Press yesterday, for some reason?  Anyway, I listened on the car radio - C-Span - as this Donk presidential wannabe was drawn into Tim Russert's [The Mrs: "Will you please calm down, you almost hit that truck!"] favorite topic .

RUSSERT: What do you think of the Bush tax cuts? Would you have voted for them?
GEN. CLARK: Well, I would not have supported them, no.
MR. RUSSERT: Why not?

GEN. CLARK: I thought this country was founded on a principle of progressive taxation. In other words, it’s not only that the more you make, the more you give, but proportionately more because when you don’t have very much money, you need to spend it on the necessities of life.

• "We know that [Saddam Hussein] has chemical and biological weapons." [Mystery Hawk #1]]
• "Saddam 'has large and growing stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons,' including 'mustard gas, VX nerve agent, and a range of other chemical weapons.'" [Mystery Hawk #2]
• "[We] know that he continues to develop weapons of mass destruction [WMD], including nuclear devices; and he may soon have the ability to use nuclear weapons against other nations." [Mystery Hawk #3]
• "Most elements of the program are larger and more advanced than they were before the Gulf war." [Mystery Hawk #4]

 
Pricks!

      I "bought" a copy from E-Bay about five years ago ($75), but the seller, inexplicably, never shipped (or cash my check).  Anyway, that brings us to Father's Day - yesterday.  Guess what someone I know got from Greeper?  Yeppir!  He too bought it on E-Bay, and this is how it went.

      As soon as the auction ended Greeper received threatening e-mail from Disney lawyers, and from E-Bay telling him what a bad boy he was for buying forbidden merchandise.  E-Bay deleted the entire transaction from its site, so Greep had no way of contacting the shipper (who honored the contract anyway and fled the country, one might speculate, immediately afterwards).

     Disney has become so insane over SOS that they've even demanded that the web site songofthesouth.net be shut down.  Remember, these are not tapes surreptitiously recorded by video camera off a movie theater screen, they are tapes sold by Disney, and royalties received.  I'd like to know what possible legal right they have to thwart the international trade of that product?  Anyway, I've got mine and I love it.  Thanks Greep.  Oh, for the record.  I burned the illicit material as soon as we got home.

WASHINGTON, June 15 — Senator Patrick J. Leahy of Vermont has urged President Bush to avoid a traumatic national battle over the Supreme Court by consulting with him and other leading Democrats before choosing a nominee, should a vacancy occur.- New York Newspaper     In response President Bush LHFAO, then dispatched the fleet to sink the Senate's second largest piece of lard.   Not really, but these Donks are as brazen as a ratbastardcommie, and tenacious as a ratbastardcommie.

 Mr. Leahy said in an interview that he believed that Mr. Bush had an opportunity to defuse a potentially explosive situation precisely because there was no vacancy.

Something Funny

http://www.terpsboy.com/

Drunk Guy

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple."

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Golf Lessons

A recent retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." the pro finally said, once he was able to speak again.

"Oh great!", the beginner replied, "NOW you tell me!"
 

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Horseback Riding

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune....

Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
 

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Trivia

There are 1,943 names listed in the closing credits of The Matrix Reloaded.

A recent study found that one in 300 births in the U.S. occurs in a vehicle.

Americans spend more at strip clubs than at Broadway productions, regional theater productions and classical orchestra performances combined.

The youngest Pope was 11 years old.

At age 14, actor Tom Cruise enrolled in seminary school to become a priest. He dropped out at age 15.

Clocks made before 1687 had only one hand—an hour hand.

The average person walks 100,000 miles by the time they reach the age of 85.

Sixty-nine percent of Swedish women have participated in a threesome.

Eighty percent of American men say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again. Fifty percent of women say they would marry the same man.

There are more than 40,000 characters in Chinese script.

America once issued a five-cent bill.

In 1221, Genghis Khan killed 1,748,000 people at Nishapur in one hour.

Toy-breed dogs live an average of seven years longer than large breeds.

The longest earthworm ever found was 22 feet long.

The highest scoring word in the English language game of Scrabble is "Quartzy."

The Eiffel Tower has 1,792 steps.

FROM DribbleGlass.com
 

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The Husband Store

A Husband Shopping Center has opened where a woman can go to choose a husband from among many men. It is laid out in five floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you arrive on any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down, except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign says: Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids. The woman reads the sign. "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up she goes. The second floor sign says: Floor 2: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better." says the woman. "But, I wonder what's further up?"

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and help with the housework. "Wow," says the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be better further up!"

And, again, she goes up. On the fourth floor the sign reads: Floor 4: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think...what must be awaiting me further on? So up to the fifth floor she goes.

The sign on that door says: Floor 5: This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day
 

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Girls

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

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MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

GENERAL:

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT:

1. When decanting wine from the box, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE:

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.

3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family):

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE:

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS:

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE:

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

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GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you are down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, ! but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.
 

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Why Men are so Damn Cool

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

3. Your last name stays put.

4. The garage is all yours.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

10. Same work .. more pay.

11. Wrinkles-add character.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17. One mood, ALL the damn time.

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.

20. You can open all your own jars.

21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

27. No maxi-pads.

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

35. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.

37. The world is your urinal.

and .........

Ten Things men know for sure about women.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10. They have breasts

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Bada Bing - Bada Boom

An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"
 

Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.
 

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911.
The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.

"The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
 

Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
 

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
Documentaries
 

Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
 

A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
 

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead.

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Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?" "Jes' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"

"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!" "OK.

Ummmmm...five?"

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Exercise
It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at 85 years old, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound yet. Apparently you have to show up.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain wakes up and figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
 

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Communication

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you tell me your wife's favourite flower?"

David leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered... "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"

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Van Gogh Relatives

His dizzy aunt
Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes
Gotta Gogh

The constipated uncle
Cant Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store
Stopin Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia
U. Gogh

The cousin from Illinois
Chica Gogh

His magician uncle
Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin
Amie Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half brother
Gring Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt
Tan Gogh

A sister who loved disco
Go Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach
Wellsfar Gogh

The bird lover uncle
Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst
E. Gogh

The fruit loving cousin
Mann Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking
Wayta Gogh

The little bouncy nephew
Poe Gogh

His niece who travels the country in a van
Winabay Gogh
 

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A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married.  He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has
been very disturbing to her.

She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?"

He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but is from a wealthy Beverly Hills family.

She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?"

He answers, "Monica Lewinsky."

There is a long pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice Catholic boy you were dating last year?"

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A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

After the man received the full treatment - shave, manicure, and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair.

"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

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The Yuppie was accosted by a hooker. She said, "How 'bout some relaxing oral sex honey... only
$50... you look all uptight."

"No way!" the man responded.  "I'm married!!!"

"So???" queried the hooker.

"My wife will do it for $35." he replied.

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Cured

A worried father confronted his daughter one night.

"I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

"Oh no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks
and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."

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Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.

He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he
heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he
looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was
a parrot.

He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you
Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

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THE PROXY FATHER

The British Government's policy of socialised medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a
proxy father - a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's problem by impregnating the wife.

The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off. The government man should be here soon."

Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the bell.

Ms Smith: "Good morning."

Salesman: "Good morning, madam. You don't know me, but I've come to....."

Ms Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you.

Salesman: "Really? Well, good. You'll be reassured to know that I've made a speciality of babies, especially twins."

Ms Smith: "That's what my husband and I had hoped.  Please come in and have a seat."

Salesman: (Sitting) "Then you don't need to be sold on the idea?"

Ms Smith: "Don't concern yourself. My husband and I both agree this is the right thing to do."

Salesman: "Well, perhaps we should get down to it."

Ms Smith: (Blushing) "Just where do we start?"

Salesman: "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor allows the subject to really spread out."

Ms Smith: "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it hasn't worked for Harry and me."

Salesman: "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one everytime, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results. In fact, my business card says, "I aim to please."

Ms Smith: "Pardon me, but isn't this a little informal?"

Salesman: "Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that."

Ms Smith: "Don't I know! Have you had much success at this?"

Salesman: (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) "Just look at this picture. Believe it or
not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown London."

Ms Smith: "Oh, my!!"

Salesman: "And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

Ms Smith: "She was?"

Salesman: "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to Hyde Park to get the job done right. I've never worked under such impossible conditions. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

Ms Smith: "A good look?"

Salesman: "Yes and for more than three hours, too. The mother got so excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at the crowd. I couldn't concentrate. I'm afraid I had to ask a couple of men to restrain her. By that time darkness was approaching and I began to rush my
shots. When the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in."

Ms Smith: "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh, equipment?"

Salesman: "That's right, but it's all in a day's work. I consider my work a pleasure. I've spent years perfecting my patented technique. Now take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big department store."

Ms Smith: "I just can't believe it."

Salesman: "Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

Ms Smith: "TRIPOD?!?"

Salesman: "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on. It's much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I'm shooting. Ms Smith? Ms Smith? My word, she's fainted!"

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Top 10 rejection lines given by men (and what they really mean)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

.....and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually
means)

1. Let's be friends. (You're ugly)

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What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...

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3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's  waiting room for an antenatal check-up and
 were all knitting garments for there  respective babies.

Suddenly the first expectant mother stops  knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...

"What was that?", the other two ask, curiously.

"Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for  little baby", she replies, patting her stomach
 affectionately.

Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...

5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting,  checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from
 her handbag and takes one..

"What was that?", the other two enquire

"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy,  good for little baby" and she pats her stomach
 affectionately.

All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...

5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting,  checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from
 her handbag and takes one..

"What was that?" ask the other two.. "Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves..."

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"give me the bad news first."
"You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no!  What could be worse than that?"
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
"Oh.  Well, that's not so bad.  At least I don't have AIDS."

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A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally
his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.

"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.

"So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

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I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush
in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking
for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with MY toothbrush. He held it up and said
with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the
toilet a few days ago."

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the
phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added., "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods."

A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up." The boy looked at her quizzically..."Why does it have to be a secret?"

When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs for the first time.
The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound.  Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin either."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was
spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter --haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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FIRE POLE
A guy meets a childhood pal. "What are you doing for yourself these days?" "I'm a fireman," his old friend replies. "Yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman," says the guy. "Well," says his friend, "if you want some good advice, you've got to install a pole in your house that will go to the basement so your kid can practice, because the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night." Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again. "Well, did your son become a fireman?" "No," says the guy, "but I have two daughters who are dancers."

PINOCCHIO
Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: His hand caught fire.

ART WORK
A couple is attending an art exhibit and they are looking at a portrait that has them taken aback. The picture depicts three black, naked men sitting on a park bench-two have a black penises, the one in the middle has a pink penis. As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the Irish artist walks by and says, "Can I help you with this painting? I'm the artist who painted it." The man says, "Well, we like the painting but don't understand why you have three black men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis while the other two have black penises." The Irish artist says, "Oh, you are misinterpreting the painting. They're not African men, they are Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch."

IN MY HAND
"Hello, baby," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you some." "Listen," said the woman, nonplussed, "If you can hold it in one hand, I'm not interested."

PRAYERS
Q. What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
A. The ones in the casinos are serious.

CREAM AND SUGAR
A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The busy waitress gives him coffee and rushes off to help other customers. The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty. As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar. The waitress rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the counter where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full. She returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?" The man says, "Two would be fine." She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup. "And cream?" She asks. The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "I don't think so!"

HANDCUFFED
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

MY WIFE'S PANTIES
Two lawyers are leaving the office. "I can't wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's panties right off." "I know the feeling," the other says. "No, I'm serious," says the first. "They're killing me."

2030
Experts agree that over the past few years more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's disease research. It is believed that by the year 2030, there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections that can't remember what to do with them.

ACTS OF SIN
A sexy woman moved into a small town and all the guys wanted to sleep with her, but she wasn't going for it. She had taken a position with the local church and her religious upbringing kept her away from the throngs of lusty males in town. Finally, one of the more attractive hunks in town finally was able to ask her out. That night they ended up in bed together. Afterward she said, "Well now I'm in trouble. I committed two acts of sin tonight." "What do you mean two acts of sin?" he asked. "Well," said the woman, "aren't we going to do that again?"

PULLED OVER
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?"

STRANGE MAN
A man walked up to a farmhouse and knocked on the door. When a woman opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, though, the man knocked, and asked the same question. Not amused, the woman screamed at him and told him to leave. Later that evening, the woman told her husband of the incident. He said he'd stay home the following day just in case the man returned. Sure enough, the next day, the man returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex, she replied, "Sure, I do! Why do you ask?" "Good," said the man at the door, "give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to stay the hell away from my wife!"
 
 

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Trivia
Mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue twice as much as to any other color.

Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash.

Six percent of American men propose marriage by phone.

Reportedly, Hitler's favorite movie was "King Kong."

People have eaten 450 billion Oreo cookies since they were introduced in 1912.

The poorest country in the world is Mozambique. (Switzerland is the richest.)

Rembrandt died a poor man.

In the marriage ceremony of the ancient Inca Indians of Peru, the couple was considered officially wed when they took off their sandals and handed them to each other.

In the vast majority of the world's languages, the word for "mother" begins with the letter "m."

Benjamin Franklin was America's first newspaper cartoonist.

The most common dog names in Russia are Ugoljok (Blackie) and Veterok (Breezy).

A recent survey found that 25 percent of Swedish women have had sex with more than 50 men.

In America, 22 percent of all restaurant meals include French fries.

The most commonly used word in English conversation is "I."

The University of Alaska spans four time zones.

Ninety percent of all species that have become extinct have been birds.

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---

Previous Something Funnies

Old Blog
March 2, 2003
March 13, 2003
April 20, 2003
May 2, 2003
May 16, 2003
June 15, 2003
 

 "France owes this country exactly $21,685,135,571.48, the government figures — not counting interest, penalties or consideration of the suffering and indignity inflicted by slavery and colonization." - Haitian claim for reparations.

"[British] Hospital consultants revealed today that the "National Health Service" is being overwhelmed by hundreds of AIDS sufferers from abroad, who account for up to two thirds of all new HIV patients in Britain. Doctors across the country said that they felt compelled to speak out because their departments were at crisis point. The cost of treating infected foreigners - every one costing about USD$25.000.00 a year - is putting hospitals into debt and threatening to halt routine operations for other patients  ... " Telegraph

"The Deck of Hillary" to coincide with the launch of her tell-nothing tome "Living History."

The novelty cards, which each features a vintage Hillary quote, are split into four suits. Spades feature remarks by "The REAL Hillary" such as:

* "I mean you've got a conservative and right-winged press presence with really nothing on the other end of the spectrum."

* "People think that because I care so much about public issues, I should run for office myself. I don't want to run for office."

* "If anybody thinks they can influence the president by making a contribution to me they are dead wrong."

Clubs expose "The Feminist" side of Hill:

* "I have a pretty good antenna for people who are chauvinistic or sexist or patronizing toward women."

* "I suppose I could have stayed at home and baked cookies and had teas."

Mrs. Clinton's role as first lady is revisited with diamonds.

* "I knew nothing about my brother's involvement in these pardons . . . I had no knowledge whatsoever."

* "There were no documents taken out of Vince Foster's office on the night he died, and I did not direct anyone to interfere in any investigation."

* "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

Of course, most entertaining are the hearts, which dredge up her greatest sound bytes on the subject of "Bill & Me."

* "What the president has told the nation is the whole truth and nothing but."

* "Who is going to find out? These women are all trash. Nobody's going to believe them."

Cards like these seem to have become the biggest fad since the Pet Rock. The weasel series has already sold over 50,000 decks at $14.95 a pop. "

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.
 

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you tell me your wife's favourite flower?"

David leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered... "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"

¿Ser la necesidad un senor de ciudadano de EE.UU.? Visite Cuero de Tijuana para nuestra Silla exclusiva de la Excursión. (Mejore todos vagones de Chevy, '55-72). Una vez que usted está a través de la frontera, vaya a un Walmart, recoge un mexicano Consular yo. D. tarjeta (se reconoce por todas partes) y lejos usted va a probar serie vasta de California de servicios de ciudadano. Su primer cheque del bienestar cubrirá la inversión entera, así que el acto ahora.

Want to be a U.S. citizen senor?  Visit Tijuana Leather for our exclusive Excursion Chair. (Retro-fits all Chevy wagons, '55-72).  Once you're across the border, go to a Walmart, pick up a Mexican Consular I.D. card (it's recognized everywhere) and off you go to sample California's vast array of citizen services.  Your first welfare check will cover the entire investment, so act now.

The European Union has unveiled a draft constitution.

"Some big battles remain, notably over demands for the EU to extend qualified majority voting into sensitive areas such as foreign and tax policy, in the teeth of opposition from Britain which wants to retain its national veto."

Ours worked because, in the early stages of development ...

     Where else would you learn all this stuff about our flag except from one of those foreigners who made good?  Here's a beauty, and your only hint:

"If any one attempts to haul down the American flag, shoot him on the spot."

-- John A. Dix in a telegram from Washington, January 29, 1861

Awarded to people who actually
go into battle against filthy liberals.

Hi, Ro[d]ger!

 This morning I wrote the following to me local paper, the Winston Salem Journal:
 

“A little over a month ago, Maureen Dowd of the New York Times took a quote from President Bush, deleted some words from it and rearranged others, and printed it as gospel in her column.  Of course, readers of the Journal won't know about that, because that story was never published here that I could find.

Since you continue to publish her column, I can come to only one conclusion: that you support this kind of deception.  And that's the real shame.”

“Dear Mr. Fleckles:

          Thank you for writing. It's taken us a little time to investigate the situation you mention.

          Maureen Dowd, in the column in question, used portions of a quote from President Bush. Because she did not have the space to use the entire quote, she engaged in the common literary or journalistic practice of indicating the deletion with an ellipsis, which is: ...

          Occasionally, such a deletion puts some words in the quote in the wrong grammatical setting, and those must be changed, such as "is" becoming "was," or "fixed" becoming "fixing." However, we have been unable to find evidence that she substantively rearranged words or altered the meaning of the quote.

          I hope you will continue to write on matters that concern you. Sincerely, Beth Woodard Journal editorial department”

• Japan Cabinet backs Bill to send troops to Iraq says the headline.  "Nanking rape videos really big seller, but every one seen them," explained Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.  [just kidding]
• How the hell did Bill Dennis get such pretty sisters?  He must be adopted.
• The Catholic Sportsmen's Organization (CSO) (Hyattsville, MD) wants to donate $6000 from a gun raffle to local St. Jerome's.  For the 3rd year in a row the Archdiocese of Washington is ordering the church to refuse the "tainted" gun money.  This all goes to prove that anyone associated with Washington D.C. will soon succumb to asshole-itis.
• The Mexican government is convincing hundreds of local government and police departments across the United States to accept its identification cards used by illegal aliens.  What can I say? Sheesh.
• The bottom line of this Camille Paglia assessment of Hillary's political viability is the same as the late Barbara Olsen concluded - she has an abiding sense of entitlement.  "Hillary appears to believe that good intentions excuse all."
• All Blacks due to lay the bitch-slap on the bastard poms at 7.00pm.  Huh?
• It looks like Iraq is having almost the same problem getting rid of the ugly spectre of Saddam Hussein as we are Bill Clinton.

Thanks to a tip from Cracker, I discovered that Dick Cheney did master the Segway.

ADDENDUM:

U.S. President George W. Bush is pictured in this combo image falling off a Segway personal transporter on the front driveway of his parents' summer home June 12, 2003 in Kennebunkport, Maine. Bush arrived from Washington to spend the weekend with his father, former President George Bush, who celebrates his 79th birthday today and his mother Barbara. Bush was not injured in the fall. REUTERS/Jim Bourg

Hillary Clinton is calling for an independent invesigation into President Bush.  Ain't she something?

    "I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

     Ten years before my Peck obit (below), Brit Hume did David Brinkley's.  TAS reprints Remembering David Brinkley here. NewsMax recalls the single most memorable Brinkley line on its site.  I wonder what he thought of George Stephanopoulos running his creation THIS WEEK  into the ground?  

There was a time when I would have waxed nostalgic on the death of a great actor.  Instead, I'll repost this obituary I published in 1998.  Prick.

I hate that, when I push
a knitting needle up my nostril ...  

"That is a tough role playing that, really. Playing a bigoted anti-women, anti-gay, anti-minority millionaire. Not only won an Oscar but he's the front-runner for the Republican nomination." - Billy Crystal referring to actor Jack Nicholson's performance in As Good as it Gets during the Academy Awards.

---

    I like Billy Crystal and think he has a real genius for comedy.  But what possessed him to make a statement  calculated to offend a healthy chunk of the 87 million people [estimate] in the United States who watched the Academy Awards?   How many reacted as I did?  Without thinking, I erased Crystal and moved to Sports Center and to hell with the Best Picture award (did Titanic win?).   Crystal has a new movie out, My Giant.  If just one percent of the audience is annoyed enough to skip this movie, that remark sliced $6.1 million dollars from Giant's gross receipts.    How smart is that?     Only once have I made a personal vow to boycott performances by a Hollywood performer because of a political statement.  That,  after Jane Fonda did her Lord Haw Haw act in Hanoi and openly collaborated with the enemy during the Vietnam war.  My wife did once trick me into seeing On Golden Pond - in 1981, although she later swore ignorance about Hanoi Jane's role in that overrated film.  Aside from that single slip, Barbarella (1969) was the last Fonda flick I went to see (three times, alas).
 

    Vow or no, others have suffered from my forbearance, and it seems I'm not alone, given the evidence of large scale public rebuke they've suffered.
 

    Gregory Peck, for example,  earned my enmity for his shameful participation in Robert Bork's public assassination.  The one engineered  by Norman Lear and his peculiarly named "People for the American Way."   Am I mistaken, or did Mr. Peck's career go belly up soon after?
 

    A quick check shows just six movie credits for Peck since he disgraced himself in L'Affaire Bork in 1987, and only one of those - Cape Fear, in 1991 - was a commercial success.   One can only speculate about Peck's state of mind when he teamed with Jane Fonda in 1989's miserable failure, Old Gringo.  "Oh Greg, I was so proud when I saw you trash that awful Bork."  "Not as proud as I was when I saw you aiming that gun at American jets, Jane.  Let's make a movie together."
 

    Ed Asner seemed to have made a successful segue from crusty but lovable  Lou Grant on the Mary Tyler Moore Show, to plain crusty Lou Grant on the Lou Grant Show until he raised the red banner.   Good-bye ratings, good-bye television.  The other day I thought I'd try Tom Sellecks's new television comedy, The Closer.   Until I saw Ed Asner.   Sorry Tom,  but who needs that kind of  aggravation when I'm just trying to forget Bill Clinton for half an  hour?   I'm sure Castro has a taped collection of Asner's work - and why not?  They're three for a buck at the discount store.

    There are any number of comedians who go out of their way to annoy me needlessly.  I was watching comedienne Paula Poundstone in concert, enjoying it a great deal,  when she felt compelled to display her leftist bona fides publicly by attacking Ronald Reagan.  I pass Paula by regularly on my surfing rounds.

    Ditto, Tim Allen.  His show is syndicated and, often as not, we'd have our evening grub watching reruns of Tool Time.  Then this, from the Halloween show:
 
         Jill, the mother: "What about you and Loren, you're going to a costume
               party, right?

               Randy: "Yeah, we're going as the scariest people we could think of --
               Republicans."

    Here's a flash, Tim.  I have 70 cable channels and there's always something else to watch.

    So, why do entertainers - who live by rating points and box office receipts - go out of their way to push knitting needles up their nostrils, i.e. alienate  their meal tickets?    Michael Medved once stated that actors don't make films for the audience, they make them for other actors and, no doubt,  some of that was going on with Crystal.

    But I think Judge Bork had it right when he said "... no one, to my knowledge, has ever classified Barbra Streisand, Jane Fonda, Ed Asner, and Norman Lear as intellectuals. " ( Hard Truths about the Culture War ).  That's it, then.  They're just stupid people.

"So you've got this President, who'd been waving his wand at everyone who walked by for their entire marriage, and he does it in the Oval Office with an intern and she says that Starr's the one obsessed with sex? Hello?" -- Brit Hume on Hillary's version of the Lewinsky scandal

A. Take them out their wheelchair.

Courage and Fashion
Joseph Sobrans
May 4, 2000
 

Something is going on here that our official gabble of free speech doesn’t begin to explain. First Amendment or no, most Americans are deeply afraid to say what they think. And when they see someone who isn’t afraid, they conclude that he must have the courage of a lion.

    Now and then I’m praised for my supposed courage. I always blush at this compliment, because, knowing myself, I know how far from the truth it really is. There is no quality I honor more than courage, and there is nobody, except Christ himself, whom I admire more than the Christian martyrs who died under torture to bear witness to their faith. And I pray that I will never be put to the real test.

     In fact, I could say that the reason I write as I do is that I hope I will never live in a society in which I will have to be truly brave. But we are headed for just such a society. The proof is that some people think I am brave.

     What an odd compliment people pay me! We are told that America is “the land of the free,” where our freedom of speech is protected by the First Amendment and a tradition of tolerance; yet people assume that it takes guts to speak up against liberal dogma, to criticize Israel, to mention certain obvious facts about race and sex, to point out that homosexuality is a perversion, and so forth. If we enjoy full “freedom of expression,” why should anyone be afraid to say anything? In particular, why, in a society in which a swine like Larry Flynt can become a multimillionaire and a friend of the president, are people especially afraid to offend certain minorities?

    Something is going on here that our official gabble of free speech doesn’t begin to explain. First Amendment or no, most Americans are deeply afraid to say what they think. And when they see someone who isn’t afraid, they conclude that he must have the courage of a lion.

    On the other hand, as usual, there is Bill Clinton. Clinton is a perfect specimen of bogus courage — the sort of guy who says things that are now safe and even fashionable with an air of jut-jawed determination that suggests he would have said them when they were not only unfashionable, but dangerous to espouse. In fact he has even told us that when he was nine years old, he and his little friends, in solidarity with Rosa Parks, rode in the backs of buses in Arkansas!

    Clinton is only a parody of many other liberals who want us to believe that their willingness to conform to today’s fashions is proof that they would have had the courage to defy yesterday’s fashions. Somehow I find it hard to believe that y’stoda coward would have been yesterday’s hero, if only he’d had the chance. More likely he would have been, like most people, a timid conformist in any circumstances.

     Hard as I try, I can’t imagine Clinton dying a martyr’s death under any regime. At risk of seeming cynical about this selfless public servant, I find it easy to imagine him as a glib opportunist in any environment. My cynicism was only confirmed when the former antiwar idealist, elevated to the post of commander in chief of the armed forces, started bombing remote places as impeachment loomed. If he’d had any residue of his former scruples against “undeclared wars,” he might at least have asked Congress to authorize hostilities, as the Constitution requires; but of course the Constitution is a living document, superbly adaptable to the needs of the moment.

     Clinton’s style remains equally homiletic no matter what side he happens to be on at a given moment. And whichever side he takes, he takes for the most moral of reasons. His self-justifications are as fluent as they are forgettable. He always speaks with the same iron conviction he displayed when he denied having carnal relations with “that woman.”

     Though men like Clinton imply that they would have been willing to be martyrs for today’s fashions in other times, it’s typical of them that they can never really imagine themselves on the losing side in history. They can only imagine themselves fighting bravely for what would eventually be the winning side. They waste no sentiment on lost causes, however noble; they feel it was always their destiny to fight for today’s causes.

     What does a Clinton really believe in? You might as well ask a chameleon to tell you its favorite color.

Joseph Sobrans
 

The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...

"Senator Hillary Clinton's apocryphal memoir, following as it does upon the publication of her man servant Sidney Blumenthal's apocryphal memoir, reminds all serious students of the Clinton saga that the Clintons never let you down. They are always true to their nature. They lie."  [Lying History]

 "COULD HARDLY breathe. Gulping for air, I started crying and yelling, "What do you mean? What are you saying? Why are the Clintons back again?"

"Interviewing Hillary Clinton last Sunday night about her book "Living History," ABC's Barbara Walters began with such hardball questions as:
 

"Are you a saint?"

• "[Is it] tougher than being first lady, being a senator?"

• "You know, you have been working on so many bills with Republicans. ... How do you turn old enemies into allies? ... I mean, no hard feelings?"

• "How do you get on with this?"

• "There were the accusations that [your husband] was a womanizer." I believe a DNA test revealed that they were more than accusations. "How'd you deal with it?"

   ... Walters brazenly probed the question on everyone's mind: How could Hillary be so brave, so strong, so downright wonderful? As Walters recounted, once our brave heroine even lived in Arkansas! Summarizing Hillary's sacrifice, Walters said: "You were young. You were smart. You had a future in Washington. But you gave it up to be with Bill Clinton, to move to Arkansas. ... Why on earth would you throw away your future?" Admittedly, even Bill Clinton couldn't wait to get out of Arkansas. Manhattanites cannot conceive of a greater hardship.  [TRUE GRIT]

Today's Wall Street Journal has a quibble with Mrs. Clinton's memory ...

REVIEW & OUTLOOK

HILLARY & US

Life is hectic, so we admire those dedicated readers marching through all 562-pages of Hillary Rodham Clinton's new memoir, "Living History." We stopped to do our own historical reliving when we saw what she had to say about us.

Mrs. Clinton more or less blames this newspaper all over again for killing Vincent Foster, the former White House aide who committed suicide in 1993. This was also the spin from the Clinton White House at the time, perhaps forgivable given its grief. But lately the theme has been resurrected by Sidney Blumenthal, the Clintons' faithful Boswell, and his new protege, David Brock. Allow us to fill in the missing facts.

The former first lady writes that Mr. Foster was under stress, and that "Apparently the final blow came in a series of spiteful editorials published in The Wall Street Journal, which attacked the integrity and competence of all the Arkansas lawyers in the Clinton Administration." She cites in particular an editorial ("Who Is Vince Foster?"), published a month before the suicide, that "proclaimed that the most 'disturbing' thing about the Administration was 'its carelessness about following the law.' "

As history unfolded, we weren't the only ones who came to realize the Clinton Administration's legal carelessness. But in regard to Vincent Foster, his suicide was a tragedy that no one welcomed. The long investigation into his death also showed there was much more troubling him than newspaper editorials.

The state of Mr. Foster's mind was a focus of two independent counsel probes. The first such counsel, Robert Fiske, wrote that a major Foster worry was the White House Travel Office scandal, and that his wife Lisa believed it "was the greatest cause of Foster's stress and anxiety in the weeks prior to his death."

Ken Starr's later, and more exhaustive, probe concluded in 1997 that Mr. Foster almost certainly suffered from depression. Mr. Starr's office interviewed Mr. Foster's family, friends and colleagues, and even hired Alan Berman, a noted expert on suicide.

Dr. Berman reported that "mistakes, real or perceived, posed a profound threat to his [Foster's] "self-esteem/self-worth and represented evidence for a lack of control over his environment. Feelings of unworthiness, inferiority and guilt followed and were difficult for him to tolerate. There are signs of an intense and profound anguish, harsh self-evaluation, shame, and chronic fear. All these on top of an evident clinical depression and his separation from the comforts and security of Little Rock."

The Starr report concludes that Mr. Foster "was involved in work related to a number of important and difficult issues," including controversial appointments and "litigation related to the Health Care Task Force; the dismissal of White House Travel Office employees and the ensuing fallout from that incident; the Clintons' tax returns (which involved an issue regarding treatment of the Clintons' 1992 sale of their interest in Whitewater); the Clintons' blind trust; liaison with the White House Usher's office over issues related to the White House Residence; and issues related to the Freedom of Information Act." Other living historians might recall that most of those controversies involved Mrs. Clinton.

We'd just as soon move past the Clinton years, but if its partisans are going to rewrite history, someone has to keep track of the billing records. Now Senator Clinton has Presidential ambitions, and her memoir is being portrayed as an attempt to clear away the 1990s for her White House run. If she really wants to be trusted in the future, she could start by being more honest about the past.

	URL for this article: http://online.wsj.com/article/0,,SB105537476177178300,00.html

See POOR BABY for a summary of THE SELECT COMMITTEE ON WHITEWATER REPORT.

 Response to the www.runjerryrun.com Web site will help Jerry Springer decide whether to run for the senate.

Rollover>

    Last night Brit Hume noted that "What Wolfowitz said was that because Iraq "floats on a sea of oil," it was less economically vulnerable than North Korea."  London's Guardian newspaper published a full retraction, but CBS Evening News went with Dean's allegation anyway.  ABC and NBC nightly news programs also led with Bush's horrible crime of not finding WMD.  Earlier, on CNN, Randy Cohen who writes “The Ethicist” column for the New York Times Magazine, asked whether Bush can “honorably” continue to serve in office?

    The real danger is not that the public will be convinced by this self serving leftist caterwauling, but that it may change the way the administration handles other terrorist enclaves like Iran and North Korea.  In that respect, these politically motivated charges are little more than terrorist acts themselves. Yesterday ABC canceled Janeane Garofalo's proposed television series, "Slice o' Life."   ABC won't admit it, but the reason is that she's ratings poison after her tirade against Bush.  If we're attacked again, and the public perceives that Bush was hamstrung by these pissants, they may wish a comedy show was all they had to lose.

    Gray Davis supporters are panicking -- for good reason. "Tuesday's numbers at Davis Recall.com suggest that the question isn't whether Davis will face a recall but when. The site reports 535,374 signatures out of 898,157 petitions necessary for a recall," says George Neumayr. Last Friday his political strategist Garry South announced he "will take no formal role in fighting the recall effort." As he explained to the Times, "I've got other things going on in my life."  Another signal of Davis' plight -- abortion fanatics running amok.

"They have decided to turn Darrell Issa, the Republican congressman financing the recall drive, into Randall Terry. The Contra Costa Times reports that demonstrations are scheduled "in Beverly Hills, San Diego, Sacramento and San Francisco, where abortion rights supporters plan to draw attention to the congressman's opposition to abortion. 'Basically, the message they're going to be sending tomorrow is Darrell Issa shouldn't be allowed to recall a woman's right to choose,' said Carroll Wills, spokesman for Taxpayers Against the Recall."

    "In 2001, the last year for which data are available, U.S. tort costs grew by 14.3%. If tort costs continue to increase at their 2001 pace, the 10-year cost of the tort tax will be over $4.8 trillion -- roughly triple the size of the 2001 and 2003 Bush tax cuts combined." W$J
 

The Tort Tax

By JIM COPLAND

The Bush tax cuts are undoubtedly significant to the economy, but our congressional lawmakers would be derelict in their duties were they not to reduce another of the largest, most insidious taxes around -- the tax imposed by plaintiffs' lawyers on our nation's citizenry through the tort law system. Members of Congress will have the chance to do just that this week when The Class Action Fairness Act, which addresses the question of frivolous lawsuits, is introduced in the House.

Most Americans are by now aware that such vexatious lawsuits abound, from overweight people suing McDonald's over their obesity to hookers and drug dealers suing Hollywood producers for filming in their "neighborhoods" and infringing on their "economic livelihoods." But few are aware of just how taxing our system of tort law really is. Studies by Tillinghast-Towers Perrin and the President's Council of Economic Advisors estimate that America's tort system costs over $200 billion annually, or over 2% of gross domestic product -- more than in any other developed nation.

And even as the economy has stagnated and the stock market has plunged, the tort tax has continued to skyrocket: In 2001, the last year for which data are available, U.S. tort costs grew by 14.3%. If tort costs continue to increase at their 2001 pace, the 10-year cost of the tort tax will be over $4.8 trillion -- roughly triple the size of the 2001 and 2003 Bush tax cuts combined.

What's driving the dramatic run-up in tort costs? A key factor is an explosion of "class-action" claims in which lawyers sue major corporations on behalf of thousands or even millions of plaintiffs, who often don't even know they are being represented. Between 1997 and 2000, American corporations reported a 300% increase in federal class actions and a 1,000% spike in state class actions filed against them. Facing these massive suits, and watching their share prices sink with bad publicity, corporations settle rather than risk billions of dollars in punitive damages.

As a general rule, the lawyers pursuing these claims get huge fees -- a study by Class Action Reports shows that plaintiffs' lawyers in the average class-action case earn over $1,000 per hour -- but the claimants represented by these lawyers get virtually nothing. For example, in one Texas case, lawyers sued two auto insurers for overbilling because the insurers rounded up premium bills to the next dollar (a practice that was sanctioned by the state insurance department). The insurers settled the suit for $100 million, the lawyer who filed the suit pocketed $8 million, policy holders got a paltry $5.50 each, and everyone's auto insurance bills went up.

One reason why class-action abuses have been so difficult to stop is that large classes of plaintiffs with members in multiple districts across the country enable suing attorneys to "shop" for the most favorable court. Quite predictably, the best forum winds up being a state "magnet court" well known for its hospitable treatment of class-action lawsuits. For instance, Madison County, Ill. -- recently made famous by handing out a $10.1 billion verdict against Philip Morris for allegedly insinuating that its "light" cigarettes were "safer" -- has seen a tremendous upsurge in class-action filings in recent years, as the Center for Legal Policy has documented in three recent studies. From 1998 to 2000, class-action filings in Madison County increased over 1,800%. Over 80% of these suits were brought on behalf of proposed nationwide classes.

Plaintiffs' lawyers admit the existence of magnet courts. Dickie Scruggs, one of the nation's foremost plaintiffs' lawyers, who pocketed hundreds of millions in the tobacco settlements, described it best at a conference last June: "[W]hat I call the 'magic jurisdiction' . . . [is] where the judiciary is elected with verdict money. The trial lawyers have established relationships with the judges that are elected . . . . They've got large populations of voters who are in on the deal . . . . And so, it's a political force in their jurisdiction, and it's almost impossible to get a fair trial if you're a defendant in some of these places . . . . Any lawyer fresh out of law school can walk in there and win the case, so it doesn't matter what the evidence or the law is."

The magnet court phenomenon not only costs our economy billions by generating increased settlement values for often tenuous claims; "magic jurisdictions" present a serious threat to the democratic and federalist principles underlying our constitutional design. County court judges -- elected by and accountable to only the several thousand residents of their home communities -- are making decisions that have a huge impact on the American economy as a whole, which clearly infringes on the power our Constitution's framers gave Congress to regulate interstate commerce.

Fortunately, Congress has the power to act, reclaim its constitutional powers, and stop the madness. The Class Action Fairness Act would remove to federal court any large national class-action cases (those over $5 million in the Senate version and those over $2 million in the House version). Decisions to certify a national class of plaintiffs could be immediately appealed -- to the Supreme Court if necessary -- to prevent rogue judges from abusing their positions. While not eliminating the "tort tax" or its harmful effects on the economy, the Class Action Fairness Act would thus stop some of the worst abuses in our increasingly wacky system of justice.

Mr. Copland is director of the Manhattan Institute's Center for Legal Policy.

The reason, most likely, are the sniggers Graham has been hearing over some that he did release.

• April 26, 1981 - "Adele's panties too tight.  Diet."
• October 1987 - " Nancy Reagan makes me hard"
• June 1991- "Where are my car keys?"
• October 2000 - "Bob Byrd just let the smelliest fart in history."

PBS bottom feeder Bill Moyers was a featured speaker at the Donks' Freak (out) Fest '03 last week.

"... We meet," it said, "in the midst of a nation brought to the verge of moral, political and material ruin....Corruption dominates the ballot box, the [state] legislatures and the Congress and touches even the bench.... ."

"We should pause here to consider that this is Karl Rove's cherished period of American history... "

• Thomas Jefferson, while claiming no interest in politics, built up a Republican Party – no relation to the present one ...
• Mark Hanna – Karl Rove's hero – made William McKinley governor of Ohio by shaking down the corporate interests of the day.
• This "degenerate and unlovely age," as one historian calls it, exists in the mind of Karl Rove – the reputed brain of George W. Bush ....
• Their (Republicans) stated and open aim is to change how America is governed - to strip from government all its functions except those that reward their rich and privileged benefactors.
• Their leading strategist in Washington - the same Grover Norquist – has famously said he wants to shrink the government down to the size that it could be drowned in a bathtub (gasps  here from the crowd, no doubt).
• It [Bush administration] is the most radical assault on the notion of one nation, indivisible, that has occurred in our lifetime ...
• I don't know how to reconfigure democratic politics to fit into an age of soundbites and polling dominated by a media oligarchy whose corporate journalists are neutered and whose right-wing publicists have no shame ..
• Trickle down politics doesn't work much better than trickle down economics. (Conversley, I guess it works just as well, eh wot?)
• It [Bush economic plan] is the most radical assault on the notion of one nation, indivisible, that has occurred in our lifetime.

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man is clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, and demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat, and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a Black Labrador.  The Lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.  The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.

The vet answers, "$550."

"$550 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man!

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

     A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spend much of each day observing the workers.

    Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

    When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

    "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the
house again this week, too?"

    The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fu*king sheet rock."

Michael Eisner (Disney Chairman & CEO):  "Damn Bob, I feel like doing something real goofy today."

Robert A. Iger (President ABC): "Me too.  Say, why not make Rick Kaplan senior vice president of ABC News"

Eisner: "Are you fucking nuts?"

Iger:  "No, we sell the stock short."

Eisner: "DONE!"

     I just discovered from Ricky that Rick Kaplan has been hired to head up ABC NEWS!  Beauty. He was hired away from ABC in 1997 to run CNN's domestic operations, and fired in 2000 for running CNN's domestic operations into the sewer.  His reign was plagued by false reporting, and a (even more) dramatic shift towards leftist causes, which earned the network the sobriquet "Clinton News Network."  Didn't we just go through all that at the New York Times?  Kaplan's news credentials are the pits.  Read below an excerpt gleaned from Tom Rosenstiel's Strange Bedfellows, and tell me if Kaplan is capable of running a news operation.  If you still own Disney stock, sell it.

(BOOK EXCERPT)

     At PrimeTime Live, executive producer Richard N. Kaplan had a more complicated situation. Kaplan had been a friend of Clinton's for more than a decade. "There is no way to avoid relationships with politicians," Kaplan explained later. "I knew that he was not 'Slick Willie' and not a scourge and really a terrific, terrific person."

     When the Flowers story broke, Kaplan called Clinton adviser Susan Thomases, a mutual friend. "Bill has to come out and do something about this," he told her. Why not his show, PrimeTime Live. Since it was live, the candidate would have some control. And the~ should have Hillary on, too, he told Thomases, appear- ing alongside her husband. Kaplan received a tentative yes. But don't start promoting it, he was told.

     These private negotiations, in their own way, invisibly altered how the Flowers story played out.

    Soon Clinton called Kaplan for advice from upstairs at the brush factory. "I am really torn. You know her story isn't true," an obviously frightened Clinton said.  "BUt I don't want to get into a situation of 'no not this one but another one.' "

     Clinton was also getting: conflicting advice about what to do from his own staff. James Carville was arguing that he should confront the story before it took on a life of its own. Frank Greer in Washington was arguing that they should stick to the schedule, another event that night in New Hampshire. This was a fundamental rule of the Clinton campaign. Always stick to the schedule or the media would think the campaign in crisis. Managing percep- tions, particularly the media's, was a cardinal principle in the magic craft of creating impressions for the public.

     Before long, George Stephanopoulos in the brush factory was on one phone talking to Koppel of Nightline while Clinton was on

*****

another with Kaplan of PrimeTine weighing competing offers to appear that night on ABC.

     "Do the toughest interview you can," Kaplan advised Clin- ton. "If you want to Prove your credibility, you don't want to do it on Good Morning America or the Toolay Show. And you won't get the ratings in the morning. You have to go for the largest audience."

     On the other line, Stephanopoulos was telling Koppel that Clinton would consider Nightline on two conditions: that he ap- pear on the same set with Koppel--not isolated in some remote studio able to hear but not see--and that Hillary Clinton appear on the set as well. Koppel agreed.

     When Koppel hung up, he turned to his staff and said, "The price of poker has just gone up." The story was no longer a question of what was in the tabloid, he argued. The story now had enough substance Clinton felt he couldn't sidestep it anymore.

     Compared with most in the press, Koppel's view of the adul- tery question was clear. Some percentage of voters still felt adul- ter)r disqualified someone from the White House. That made it a story. What the media thought about it was irrelevant.

     But Whether this story had enough substantiation to go on the air with tonight was not yet clear. Koppel's view then changed about 7:15 P.M. When Clinton and his aides bolted from the brush factory and headed off in their van at breakneck speed through heavy snow. Like characters from a screwball comedy, the press corps still waiting in the brush factory foyer now followed, piling into their own vans and then chasing him. Clinton was heading toward Manchester, they could see. He was abandoning the next campaign event. Abandoning the sacred schedule. Maybe he was even going on the air that night. Mark Halperin, the ABC off-air producer with Clinton, called into ABC headquarters in New York and announced over ABC's internal intercom system that the candidate was headed to the Manchester airport--apparently to do PrimeTime Live or Nightlilze. Halperin was wrong. Clinton at that moment was on a cellular phone with Kaplan and he was

*************

nearly paralyzed by doubts. But no one else at ABC knew that. The fiefdoms were separate.

     Halperin's call sealed Clinton's fate. Koppel and his producer Tom Bettag decided to devote Nightline to the Flowers story, and when they found out around 9:30 that they were wrong about Clinton appearing, they decided only to shift the focus slightly to the debate inside the media over whether this was a legitimate story.

     In addition to Koppel's view of the pertinence of adultery, he and Bettag had two reasons for staying with tile story. "He was going to discuss this, and whether he was going to tfo it that night or the next day, that made it a story," Bettag reasoned.

     And Koppel liked niightline to make news.

     Friedman was incensed when he heard, especiallv when he discovered that Koppel was going at it sideways as a media storv. He buttonholed Greenfield, who was doing the Nightline story.':I hear you're sneaking this through the backdoor," he said. "Yeah, maybe," Greenfield acknowledged.

     Thus the story had broken onto network television, on MlghtLine of all shows, and gained further momentum.

     The night ended for Kaplan at 4 A.M. when Clinton called one last time. The candidate, Kaplan thought, was distraught. He was considering doing 60 Minutes. If you do, Kaplan said, it should be with Mike Wallace or Morley Safer or Ed Bradley. Otherwise tell them forget it. People aren't going to he impressed that you went on 60 Minutes with somebodv whose name they couldn't recall. They are going to remember that you stood up to Mike Wallace. It was advice Clinton ignored.

 

• Bitter Bitch is still traipsing around Europe.  I wonder if I would ever have let my mom (God rest her beautiful soul) take over my blog.  Hell no.  Bitchy Mom seems to be holding her own though.
• Molly always makes me laugh
• When I try Cracker's site, I'm asked to download the whole thing.  Yikes.  Is it just me?
• John Hawkins had something yesterday I wanted to talk about, but I'll be damned if I can find his archives.  Anybody?
• "The Americans dropped a "tactical nuclear bomb" on Iraqi forces." - Kate has the book to prove it.
• Uncle has lots of good stuff, but his pointer to this grabbed me. "When I commit a crime, I like to use ten thousand dollar rifles and four dollar bullets. Fortunately, California has put a stop to me (Les Jones Blog)."
• The Tiny Liar is beautiful in his simplicity.
• These things change quickly on Andrea's site, so hurry.  I love it, and after an appropriate wait I'll photoshop it.
• FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE ----- From A to Z...   (BlogSpot links never work, so look for it near the top)
• I don't want to appear obsessed, so I'll let Reeter do it.

 

This Fark found story says "Scrotally applied testosterone patches no more effective than other delivery methods but make wearers feel more masculine."  Wow, and only £770 for a six-month supply.  Soon, power hitting Vagino-Americans can crash through that glass ceiling willy-nilly.

"I would also refer the committee to a piece included in Jim's 'Journalistic Articles' packet: the Guest Comment on NRO entitled 'Campus Colors,' in which Jim says, among other things, that 'professors are mostly left wing,' that 'the large number of non-U.S. citizens in American colleges necessarily makes these schools less patriotic,' and that 'practically the only way for a women's-studies professor to get a lifetime college appointment is for her to contribute to the literature on why America is racist, sexist, and homophobic.' I find it extremely disturbingly [sic] that this could be Jim's image of academia."

     Talk about your coincidences.  No sooner do we discuss the various felonies unearthed by the Senate Whitewater Committee, than its counsel Michael Chertoff is confirmed as a new judge on the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.  The vote was 88-1.  Guess who cast the lone NAY? Teehee.

'Hillary's memoirs take aim at Starr,' is the headline for this TIMES story.

"Bill and I failed to recognize the political significance of Whitewater's sudden reappearances, which may have contributed to some public relations mistakes in how we handled the growing controversy," she said.

PROBLEM: Two Videos are for sale - Which to Buy? Titanic or The Clinton Video

  TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet

  CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet
 

  TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long

  CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long
 

  TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
 

  CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
 

  TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist

  CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a bullshit artist
 

  TITANIC VIDEO: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar

  CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill
 

  TITANIC VIDEO: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined

  CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica
 

  TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit

  CLINTON VIDEO: Let's not go there
 

  TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelry

  CLINTON VIDEO: Monica's forced to return her gifts
 

  TITANIC VIDEO: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life

  CLINTON VIDEO: Clinton doesn't remember Jack
 

  TITANIC VIDEO: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen

  CLINTON VIDEO: Monica...uh, never mind
 

  TITANIC VIDEO: Jack surrenders to an icy death

  CLINTON VIDEO: Bill goes home to Hillary ... basically the same thing