"President Franklin D. Roosevelt took office saying, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." The economic history of the 1930s shows that we had nothing to fear but FDR himself. (Those who doubt this should read "FDR's Folly" by Jim Powell)." - Thomas Sowell, Random thoughts

January 20, 2004

Donks and the Chewbacca Defense


    Thinking about John Edwards made me look up this hilarious South Park parody, of Johnny Cochran in particular, and dickwad juries in general.  The Chewbacca Defense  (hang on, there's a false start).



 

In the "Chef Aid" episode, Chef is accused of trying to steal the song "Stinky Britches," which he really wrote many years ago. The record company takes Chef to court, and they hire Johnny Cochran to prosecute Chef. The whole town is wondering if he will use his famous "Chewbacca Defense," which he used during the O.J. Simpson trial. Here's a partial transcript for the hearing impaired:

Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: (pulling down a diagram of Chewie) this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. That does not make sense! (jury looks shocked)

Why would a Wookiee -- an eight foot tall Wookiee -- want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!

But more importantly, you have to ask yourself: what does that have to do with this case? (calmly) Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!

Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense.

And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.

If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.



They did. But, later Cochran has a change of heart, and uses the Chewbacca defense in Chef's behalf. Enjoy.

Posted by pecksnif at January 20, 2004 09:44 AM | TrackBack

Comments

I watched The Devil's Advocate a few days ago. All it did was confirm my view that lawyers will do anything (lie, cheat etc) to get their client off. They are the scum of the earth.

That movie wasn't fiction, it was a documentary.

BTW Kevin Lomax (Keanu Reeves) gets off the hook in the end. Me, I would've let him, his wife and all the other lawyer scum burn in hell.

Posted by: AnnoyedOne at January 20, 2004 10:17 AM

My latest post is also a wacky soundfile (Hearken unto Zardoz), and it is just so delightfull in all of it's whimsy and everything that I want to make absolutely sure someone hears it, so I'm plugging it here The Hand Of Munger

Posted by: Dave Munger at January 20, 2004 08:09 PM
Post a comment









Remember personal info?